Drunk Men Walking

One of the most unfortunate events of the weekend, besides the Lions coming close to a win, is the unfortunate accident involving Brumbie lock forward, Shawn MacKay.

McKay was leaving a club in Durban on the early hours of Sunday morning when a car ran over him outside of the club and then sped off.

Askria are opening a docket of hit and run, and are thinking of taking criminal proceedings against the driver should they get a solid statement from the pissed witnesses at the place.

This brings me to the topic of the day. Drunk Walking.

The worst time to be on the road is between 4 pm and 6pm on a Sunday, when you have pissed outies or bastards who like to drink at shabeens walking home. These people cant judge the traffic and have the tendency to fall over into the street.

And if they are able to walk across a street it takes them about 40 minutes to do so.

Look at this logically. If there is a rule against drunk driving, shouldn’t there also be a law against drunk walking?

I know that the pedestrians always have right of way, and most of the time I don’t go around deliberately aiming the bullet at pedestrians. But if you are driving at 60 kms a hour, and a molar bastard jumps in front of your car, what realistic chance do you have to stop and not hit him/her?

That’s probably what happened with the McKay incident. I'm not saying the driver of the car was right, he should have stopped. However, when molar people are on the road, shit can go wrong very quickly and it is not always the drivers fault!

I do wish him a speedy recovery, and maybe he will give up drinking for a while after the incident.

Joost Joost Joost. He’s whole world seems to be coming down around him.

Supersport is now contemplating giving him the sack, they held an emergency meeting yesterday to asses the situation, and according to Supersport’s media manager Clinton Van Den Berg, Joost has been taken off air until the issue of his haish video has been resolved.

When I saw him on TV the other day doing the rugby, they stuck him with Naaaaaaas “dead pan” Botha and Arnold Geeeeeeerts!

Now Naaaaaaaaas knows a bit about rugby, but wont make any statements about Joost's video on air, but Geeeeeerts knows F All about rugby. Why put him on? Why not put Joost on with the Irish terrorist John Robbie and Daaaaren “Drunkard” Scott? Because Robbie and Scott don’t give a shit and are likely to embarrass Joost on air.

FIFA are idiots. Its nice when you have idiots in charge of the most popular sport in the world isn’t it?

Right, now FIFA are concerned about Bafoona Bafoona’s game against Norway. FIFA say that they are concerned that the stands were empty and that the fans were coming into the stadium after the game had already kicked off.

THAT’S BECAUSE THE FANS HAD TO GO THROUGH 4 KM’S OF SECURITY CHECKPOINTS YOU ROCKET SCIENTIST BASTARDS!

I DETEST IMBECILES! REALLY I DO!

And that’s not all. FIFA is also concerned that only 1/3 of the tickets for the Confederations Cup have been sold.

THAT’S BECAUSE YOUR TICKETING SYSTEM IS SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

To get a ticket for the Confederations Cup or World Cup, you have to fill in an application form at First National Bank. Hand it in with all the money for all the tickets upfront. Then a Lucky draw takes place where your name might be drawn to get tickets.

FIFA employed this system to eliminate block bookings and reselling of tickets on the black market. Which is going to happen anyway.

Bear with me here.

I apply for 7 tickets, my mom on a separate form applies for 7 tickets, my dad on a separate form applies for 7 tickets, my brother on a separate form applies for 7 tickets.

I now have 28 tickets. Im only going to watch 4 games. 24 tickets left. Im not going to drive through Soweto handing out tickets am I? Im going to sell them for a profit!!

FIFA YOU HAVE SPENT TO LONG IN SOUTH AFRICA, YOU ARE GETTING AS THICK AS THE ROCKET SCIENTISTS IN SA! YOU ARE A BUNCH OF IDIOTS!

THIS WILL HAPPEN FIFA! T.H.I.S W.I.L.L H.A.P.P.E.N! YOU CANT PREVENT IT! DON’T TRY!

Saturdays winning lotto numbers were: 12 18 19 20 31 37. and guess what? There were 3 winners who no has heard of of knows! JOIN THE BIGGEST SCAM IN THE WORLD! THE SOUTH AFRICAN LOTTERY. MY AFRICAN DREAM, GETTING MY FEKKING HARD EARNED MONEY STOLEN FROM ME TWICE A WEEK!

In the end there can be only one

Good Monday to the Lions Den Massive.

Its halfway through the Super 14 and it is turning out to be a good tournament.

I called four out of the six games correctly this week, so it looks like the tournament is finally gaining some measure of normality.

The shock result of the weekend was the Bulls vs the Highlanders. No one expected the Highlanders to win, and fewer expected the Highlanders to win by that much.

But what does this mean for the log, well the win gave the Sharks an opportunity to take the top spot after their good win over the Brumbies. The Waratahs moved up to second after edging the Blues out in Auckland.

But the biggest benefactor of the win was the Highlanders. Sitting in 12th position before the weekend, the win briefly propelled the team into the top of the top half of the log. They ended the super weekend in 6th position.

Halfway through the tournament I always like to take a look at the teams and ponder as to who will make the playoffs.

I think that the Sharks will be good enough to retain their top spot from this point on. They won their hard games overseas and are playing relatively easy teams from here out in Durban. It will be a ding dong battle between the ‘Tahs and the Bulls as to who will finish the regular part of the season in second spot. The ‘Tahs have lost two games and should win the rest of their games from here out.
There is a problem as there is only 4 points separating positions 3 to 8.

The Bulls have a game in hand on the ‘Tahs and provided they win the rest of their games, they wont travel to Oz for the semi final.

Here’s the problem, the Bulls have four games that they can potentially loose between now and the 16th of May.

This weekend they play the Crusaders in New Zealand, the following week they go to Sydney to play the ‘Tahs. They then have a relatively easy game in the Brumbies before they come home to host the Chiefs and the Force.

It could go down to the last weekend when they travel to Durban to play the Sharks.

I think at the end of the regular season, the Sharks and the ‘Tahs should take the top two spots. 1 Semi final in Durban, 1 Semi final in Sydney. 1 plays 4 and 2 plays 3, the Bulls should finish third so the one semi final will be between the ‘Tahs and the Bulls in Sydney.

Looking at the log realistically, I think the Chiefs will take the fourth spot as they have the easier games going into the playoffs. From this week their schedule is: Lions in New Zealand, Cheetahs in Bloem, the Bulls in Pretoria, the Stormers in Slaap Stad, the Hurricanes in Wellington, and the Brumbies in Canberra. Sharks vs Chiefs in Durban.

The Watson’s have done it again. This time Puke’s father allegedly called Peter de Villiers a Baboon at a meeting at the beginning of the year.

The slur allegedly came at a meeting of the Eastern Province Rugby Legends, f&*k I never knew they had any, where Cheeky Watson called De Villiers a Baboon who didn’t know how to do his job. Watson denies he ever said it, and an irate Press Officer from the EPRFU sent a bitchy press statement to the media stating that Watson never ever called De Villiers that and that the two are good friends.

Where there is smoke there is fire. I don’t believe the whole Baboon incident is true, but I don’t doubt that Watson could have said something like that as he fancies himself as a future top man in Rugby

Heal the World

I said that there will be some serious pieces on this blog from time to time, this is one of them.

Since the turn of the millennium, there has been some serious concerns about the state of our planet. Former US vice president Al Gore reports that Global Warming will be one of the biggest challenges facing the human race in the new century. Many agree.

We have all heard, and seen the warning signs regarding global warming. The polar ice caps are melting transforming an already fragile eco system into an ecosystem that will only exist in story books and legends. Many animal species that depend on this eco system are also under threat.

The nature of politics is that it is about old men sitting and talking, and not doing anything. I have always been an advocate about this. However, there seems to be some moves to implement a plan of action to resolve the global warming issue.

One of the biggest issues regarding addressing the global warming issue is that of carbon emissions and carbon footprint. Which is basically the amount of carbon dioxide you as a consumer pout into the atmosphere.

One of the biggest contributors to carbon emissions is coal fired power stations, which burn coal to generate electricity.

In an effort to decrease carbon emissions, many countries have initiated programmes to increase their dependency on renewable energy sources. This is being funded through a feed-in-tariff, which is basically a minimum cost put onto the power purchaser to ensure the future technological development of renewable energy technology.

Many leading countries in the world, the US, Germany, Spain, have a long history of implementing this system.

But what is happening locally?

At the beginning of last year. Eskom had to embark on a load shedding programme to generate sufficient capacity after significant shortfalls proved that the utility could not guarantee electricity supply to the masses. Although that was a short-term solution, the utility did initiate a capacity build programme which will see the first power stations in over 20 years being built in South Africa.

The problem is that these power stations will be coal fired.

That’s not to say that Eskom is not initiating a feed-in-tariff programme. The National Energy Regulator last year embarked on an extensive fact finding mission to find the right system to implement in the local market.

South Africa is basing its programme largely on the German model and has set itself a 3% renewable energy consumption target by 2013. Which means by 2013 3% of all of the energy that we use will come from renewable energy.

Although there are those who are happy that South Africa is initiating such programmes. There are those who feel that South Africa is un-ambitious in this target.

The main way that renewable energy producers will be funding future technological developments in the industry will be through the feed-in-tariff that it will charge Eskom for the electricity. The prices range from 63c/kWh for hydro power to 75c/kWh for solar power.

The World Wide Fund for nature, formally known as the World Wildlife Fund, has criticised the National energy Regulator stating that if Sa were to implement a flat tariff across all technologies, then a renewable energy consumption target of between 10 and 12% is possible.

The National Energy Regulator’s reasoning behind not putting all of its weight behind renewable energy is that the capital outlay for renewable technology is significant. However, the World Wide Fund for Nature points out that the capital outlay for renewable technology is only R5-million more then the capital outlay for fossil fuel technology.

When Government has been the major solicitor of funds to Eskom for the rolling out of its capacity build programme, could it not see the long term value in spending a few million more to preserve a world that will be around for our kids and grandkids to enjoy?

Have a punt. but whats the Point?

Most gambling is pointless, the amount of people that have won vs the amount of people that have lost is sickingly distorted.

However, when you go to a casino, any casino, you see copious mugs paying the casino’s yearly rent, lights and water, gambling, and liquor license all in one evening.

However, most people seem to carry on punting. But why? Why do people go and punt knowing that they are going to loose? Well you see, they don’t know that. Although the ratio of people who have won at the casino’s vs the people who have lost at the casino’s is distorted, people always feel that they have a chance. That the cards will fall for them, that the ball will fall in their number, that the three 7’s will line up.

So its legalised theft where the offenders ‘unknowingly’ get away with it. However, there is a form of legalised theft where the people knowingly get away with it. And it actually GRATES MY BALLS.

7 14 15 20 22 47. No that is not the combination the safe at my house. It was last nights LOTTO numbers.

Now look at those numbers and tell me that the f’ing thing is not rigged? The chances of picking 6 numbers to win the lotto is slim. But to pick consecutive numbers to win the LOTTO is impossible.

Yet when the draw results came on TV it showed that there were no fewer then 3 winners who had to share the jackpot.

And this happens every week! EVERY WEEK TWO CONSECUTIVE NUMBERS ARE DRAWN, and someone wins.

DO ME A FAVOUR. I WASN’T BORN YESTERDAY, YOU ARE STEALING PEOPLES MONEY AND GETTING AWAY WITH IT YOU SCALY BASTARDS!

If there were three winners, why don’t they publish their names in the paper. And they mustn’t come with the crap excuse that they want to remain anonymous. Because unless you move to fekkin Jamaica the day after you win the LOTTO people are going to find out.

Ask yourself this: If a family member won the LOTTO jackpot, would I find this out without his/her name being in the paper?

If you don’t, then you are stupid! Plain and bladdy simple.

As for Nimrod Nkosi, he should have stuck with Jam Ally, 'cause prancing around the stage like a fairy isn’t working for him. Vanessa Carrera is still hot though!

Super 14 time again.

I am doing my predictions on a Thursday so that I am not under pressure to get my predictions out before the early morning result comes out.

It’s a calmer weekend this week. First up is the Blues against the Waratahs. The ‘Tahs have become very unpredictable. Before the last weekend, they hadn’t lost in Sydney in 11 matches. However, they played crap and the Crusaders won.

One thing the ‘Tahs cant do is travel. And this weekend, they will have to make the journey to New Zealand’s home of rugby, Eden Park. I spoke in the past about the Blues’ forward strength and the strength of their half backs. But over the last two weeks, Isia Toeva and Rene Ranger have hit their straps and have caused havoc. Expect much of the same this week. Blues by 10, Joel Peter agrees.

Easy win for the Bulls on Saturday in Palmerston North when they take on the Highlanders. Hopefully Brian Habanna can actually wake up on Saturday and figure out that he plays rugby for a living. The wing has been playing crap ever since he won the world cup. The Bulls forwards should take the Highlanders to the cleaners, expect Pierre Spies to run in one or two. Bulls by 15, once again Joel agrees.

I called it last week. The Crusaders are the come-back-kids of the tournament. They drew with the Force and got a win in Sydney. They play the Stormers this week at the AMI stadium. The Stormers have injury problems and have selected Peter Grant at centre with Willem De Waal to start at 10. Bozo The Clown moves to 14.

I think the Crusaders are brimming with confidence and will fancy their chances this weekend. Crusaders by 10, Joel agrees.

The Reds host the Chiefs, the Reds have no chance, Chiefs by 10, Joel agrees.

The Sharks are back at their beloved Shark Tank to inflict copious amounts of pain to the Brumbies. It will be like experiencing torture in a Viet Cong prison camp. The Brumbies might want to prove that they can win on the road, but the Sharks will be keen to cement their top position. Rory Kocket will be key in the game as Ruan Pienaar is injured. He will need to get Frans Steyn on the front foot. Ryan Kankowski is also key as the 8 9 10 axis of the Sharks has been a feature of their game since the 80’s . They’ll be too good. Sharks by 15, Joel says Sharks by 5.

It gets worse. The Lions win over the weekend has put a spanner in the works for teams hoping to make the play offs. The Hurricanes come to Ellis Park hoping to win on the road and get valuable points under their belt. However the Lions could cause an upset.

Key for the Lions to is contain Ma’a Nonu. If they can do that, they will win by plenty. However, that will be a hard task. Ill go for a Hurricanes win by 5, Joel thinks the Lions could win. BUT DON’T PUT THE HOUSE ON THIS GAME!

The Zuris team of the tournament, the Cheetahs are resting this week, Thank the Lord!

What drugs is Michael Jackson on? I reported last month that he is staging a comeback. His first stop on his world tour is London. Reports indicate that he wants to make a grand entrance onto the stage. He wants to ride in on an African Elephant, which will be led by two panthers on leashes, and a flock of exotic birds flying behind him!

This is all true, google it!

What the FEK Michael, you are becoming a Zuris. Just forget about music and retire with some dignity please!

Only in South Africa

Only in South Africa.

I’ve said it before and I will say it again. Only in South Africa will you see or experience the shit that went down in Johannesburg today.

Today, the 24th of March, the whole of Johannesburg came to a standstill because the Taxi Associations embarked on mass action to protest against the Bus Rapid Transit (BRT) system that Government wants to install for the 2010 FIFA World Cup.

The Taxi owners reasoning behind the strikes is that the BRT will take away money from the Taxi owners. The bastards first started Toi Toing in Soweto, Lens, Eldo’s and Ales, and then slowly made their way towards town.

In protest they closed off all entrances into Eldo’s Lens Soweto and Alex and all exits from there. And they also threatened to shoot-to-kill anyone who tried to sneak out and go to work.

The Askria got wind of this and mobilised the whole JMPD and SAPS to the various areas.

I was on the M 1 going towards Melrose Arch this morning at 7 when the highway towards Soweto looked and sounded like a circus train. 30 JMPD and SAPS vehicles were driving in Formation to Soweto with their sirens wailing. A member of the Eldorado park massive was in the car in the lane next to me. He proceeded to roll down his window, flip the bird at the passing Askria and screamed at the top of his voice: “Its to late for that jou ma se P*&%TE”

Besides the fact that the Eldorado Park massive do have the filthiest mouths in the country is irrelevant. There is actually more truth behind the rant then meets the eye.


The Askria knew that the Taxi owners were getting pissed off for a while now. When the Gauteng Government initiated the Gautrain project, the bastards were Toi Toing in Main Street. And the leader of the various associations promised that this would not be the end. The Askria’s response: “In fact we will not be intimidated by these evil doers, we have lived to close to the woods to be scared by the tokoloshie, in fact!”
WELL DONE! I hope y’all screamed that on the loudspeakers when the mob was throwing stones at you, beating you up with knob kieries and burning posters of Zumatello.

Good news for sports fans is that it looks like the IPL and the ICC Champions Trophy is coming to SA.

This amazes me because a few years ago, south Africa was shunned by the rest of the world.

Does anyone recall how we ran up against Athens for the right to host the 2004 Olympic Games, or when we ran against Germany to host the 2006 FIFA World Cup? Since then we have hosted the 2003 ICC Cricket World Cup, and are now about to host the Champions Trophy and the IPL Word on the street is that we are strong contenders to host the 2015 Rugby World Cup. Maybe after that Slaap Stad can pull its finger out of its arse and put together a strong bid for a future Olympic Games.

One of the reasons that we are popular at the moment is that it is cheap to host a tournament in SA at the moment. Which is true, but would any of this have happened if we didn’t already have the 2010 FIFA World Cup.

Speaking of the tournament, massive efforts to punt the tournament are currently on the way. One of the first events is the World Peace summit organised by the LOC.

EXCUSE ME??????????????? WHAT THE HELL DOES THE LOC HAVE TO DO WITH ORGANISING A PEACE SUMMIT. FLIPPEN MAKE SURE THAT ALL THE SHIT IN SA WILL BE READY BEFORE ORGANISING THAT!

OH and that is not the best. They wanted to get the top peace makers in the World at the summit. And who does the African Ninja turtle Congress refuse a visa to? The Dali Lama!

WELL DONE AFRICAN NINJA TURTLE CONGRESS, WELL DONE!

WELCOME TO SOUTH AFRICA, Yes I have registered to vote So I can complain!

Anger Management and Overweight Cops

So its Monday again, and after a fairly eventful weekend, I came across 2 growing problems in South Africa.

Driving into work this morning, I came to the conclusion that South Africans are naturally aggressive.

It took me an hour to get into work this morning, this was owing to a bunch of overweight, remedial traffic cops who the rocket scientists at JMPD HQ thought they would unleash onto the busiest thoroughfare into JHB CBD!

It pisses me off because if the robots are in perfect working order then there is no bladdy reason to put trainee P.I.G.S. at the intersections. Granted they have to get practice somewhere, but then put the P.I.G.S. who are just about to graduate into full duty at the intersections going into the CBD. Don’t put the remedial bastards that are wet behind the ears there!

Looking around in the traffic jam, the reactions to the traffic ranged from a member of the Eldorado Park massive pumping up his music and lighting a skyf, The older gentleman in the Merc next to me proceeded to bang on his steering wheel and screaming like a youngster at a Brittany Spears concert.

To make matters worse, when the traffic was moving and the oak in the Merc had 3 meters to open his car up, a Taxi Driver in a Sesfigile taxi cut him off and dropped passengers off in the middle of the street. Pulling up next to the taxi I see its my friend who told me that the road was his last month. He clearly recognised me because when he saw me he said “Howzit Whitie”.

When we stopped at the robot where the P.I.G.S. where manning all hell broke loose. With blatant disregard for the traffic behind him, the oak in the Merc got out his car and started lambasting the trainee. So the supervisor P.I.G comes to him and tries to calm him down, he clearly wasn’t succeeding, so the cop wrote him out a ticket for obstructing the traffic!

What is it about SA cops and obesity? I know obesity is a problem worldwide, but is there a criteria on the Cops job application form that says you must weigh at least 150 kilograms and wear a size 52 pants?

Dont get me started on Merc drivers! Coming down Van Der Linde road, the two lane road narrows into a one lane road towards a stop street. So I take the right hand lane hoping to get a chance to get into the one lane by the time I hit the stop street. About 20 meters from the stop street, its me and this middle age bird in a huge Merc ML 4X4 jobbies dicing for the spot. In a stop-start traffic situation, her car has got no added advantage over mine, but she obviously thought I would pull out of the dice.

Needless to say I didn't pull out and I get in at the expense of the Merc who proceeds to blow her hooter and use the foulest language known to mankind at me. Already pissed off at the town incident, I put the bullet in neutral, get out the car, and start walking towards her. She rolled up her window as quickly as she could before I stood at her window and quietly clapped my hands!

I got in my car, turned left into Economides street, and low and behold, the cow is behind me, revving her engine and driving on my ass. Not intimidated, I drive 20kms/h down the road, it makes no difference to me, she is behind me, she hits me, she pays!

Near the Gechor home at the top of the road, she had enough of me drivning 20 kms/h and she pulled off like the bats of hell are after her. And who stops her at the bottom of the street? Ekurhuleni cops giving her a ticket for speeding!

A word of advise, If you ever see a Silver Hyundai Atos with a licence plate VJK 182 GP on the road, the driver has balls of steel and is fearless in the road. Nothing intimidates me!

I love South Africa. You never saw shit like this in Dubai.

It was a good weekend for the Super 14. My boys got back onto the winning streak while the Lions finally won! I called three results correctly in a tournament that is proving to be us unpredictable as Julias Malema’s mouth.


Breaking news is that Joost Van Der Westhuizen has dropped all charges against Heat Magazine and the Rapport in the Haish Movie case.

For those who haven't heard of the case before, please read my post "Celebrities on the run"

Anyway, Joost is dropping the charges mainly because the SA judiciary system takes to long, and in 3 years time, when the case is still ongoing, his kids will be old enough to understand what's happening and will start asking him sticky questions. He also said it would cost to much!

THE MAN IS GUILTY AS SHIT! IM SORRY! If you are adamant that it is not you in the video you will fight the case no matter what your kids say, because its not you in the video right, or the amount of cash involved! Surely the money he will make from winning the case will be astronomical!

And the Lions Den is responsible for bringing normality back to Santoghey. Apparently after getting phone calls from his friends about his name on this site. Warren Jaffer didn’t go to Santroghey on Saturday and never got molar.

Junkyard Dogs and Comeback Kids

Good Friday to the Lions Den Massive.

Its Friday again, and it promises to be an even bigger weekend then last weekend.

It’s a big week for the Super 14. Can the Bulls extend their unbeaten streak or will the Hurricanes establish themselves as title contenders? Will there be a backlash from the high flying Sharks and Waratahs? Or will the Force and Crusaders return to the form that everyone knows they are capable of?

Its is a weekend of big hits and high flyers with the most difficult round of the tournament making its appearance.

The first match up of the weekend sees the Hurricanes taking on the Bulls in the cake tin in Wellington. As I said above, the Bulls will be keen to extend their unbeaten record, while the ‘Canes will want to establish themselves as title contenders.

The teams are pretty much evenly matched up. Both have good forwards with a mixture of experience and young raw talent in the backlines. On paper the Bulls should be the better teams, but they don’t travel well. 10, 11, 12, and 13 are key players for both sides. Although Morné Steyn is one dimensional he can punish sides with his deadly accuracy. Piri Weepu looks to be the key player in New Zealand at the moment and is being primed to take over from the injured Carter.

The midfield battle will be titanic. Ma’a Nonu will be running from depth and hitting the line hard, which will test the defensive capabilities of JP Nel and Wynand Olivier. How Nonu links up with the elusive Conrad Smith will be the key for the ‘Canes as Nonu is very much a crash it up player who tries to put Smith into space.

Another Key match up in the game is the battle of the 8’s. Rodney So'oialo is the top loose forward at the moment, until Richie McCaw is fit again. So'oialo has also just resigned with the NZRU extending his contract to beyond the 2011 World Cup, which will probably be his Swan Song!

Fellow punter, Joel Peter says that the Bulls cant beat the ‘Canes at home, and I tend to agree. ‘Canes by 5.

Saturday is equally interesting. Probably the worst match up of the weekend is the Highlanders and the Cheetahs. Not much to say about that match. Highlanders by 10.

The next game is where the fun starts.

Expect a war of attrition in Hamilton where the ever improving Chiefs and Blues. Stephen Donald was a key player last week and should be again this week. Once again his linkage with Masaga and Sivivatu could cause trouble. The Blues however, could ht back in the forwards. I wouldn’t put the house on it, but I think the Chiefs have the mettle to dominate, Chiefs by 10.

The weekend gets better. The Waratahs will be looking to re-establish their winning ways this weekend, but have chosen a hard game to do this in. The Crusaders have dropped the ball at the start of the tournament that they have dominated for so long. However, after last weeks draw, they could be the comeback kid.

What was interesting in the Waratahs match last week was the amount of missed tackles and handling errors made by a team that is usually very clinical, the Crusaders on the other hand went back to basics and got the draw.

Pound for pound, the current Waratahs side is better then the Crusaders, it will now be up to the team from Sydney as to whether they play basic rugby an win, or play flashy rugby and possible shoot themselves in the foot. Waratahs by 10.

During the week, Force pivot Matt Giteau said that the Force’s season is at a crossroads. After the draw last week, the side might feel a bit down and will want to stay in the hunt with a win this weekend, before their bye. However, this will not be easy as they are up against the Sharks, who will have the top of the pile in sight with a win for the ‘Canes and Crusaders a very big possibility.

The two sides are very even. And it looks like the Sharks are going back to basics. Bismark Du Plessis's form is not what it was last year, so he is relegated to the bench. John Smit will return to hooker in his place with Jannie Du Plessis and Deon Caastens making up the rest of the front row.

One positive for the Durban outfit is the form of their loose forwards. Ryan Kankowski, Jean Deysel and Keegan Daniel is good, with Jacques Botes a good prospect off the bench. That will be the difference between the teams. Sharks by 10.


Then we have the second weakest game of the week. The Lions are in trouble in more ways then one. Why the team persists with players like Earl Rose I don’t know. He is somewhat of a junkyard dog, very unpredictable. The allegations made during the week by Leon Boshoff will either inspire the player to greatness, or totally damage his career.

The Lions need to win or else Eugine Eloff will get the sack. Cobus Grobblelar might also loose the captaincy that could open the door for a move north of the Jukskei.

Sources close to the Lion of Lebanon, yes I do have spies out there, tell me that a one André Pretorius and yank Todd Clever were seen getting molar at the Jolly Roger on Wednesday night. If that isnt bad enough these two men, who no doubt have significant others, had bints all over them! What a Zuris.

On the udder hand Darrrrrrrren, the Brumbies could feel like they have a good chance of making the playoffs if they win, and win well in Johannesburg.

I cant see the Lions winning, Brumbies by 15.

The Reds and Stormers have a bye this weekend, so they are guaranteed not to drop any points.


Speaking of junkyard dogs and their unpredictability, who knows how Warren Jaffa will Zuris himself this weekend at Santroghey, Ill let you know on Monday.

Election and Rugby Shenanigens

Just over a moth away from the elections and things are starting to get a bit nasty on the election front.

Driving to work yesterday the bullet nearly shat itself after I heard that violence marred a TV debate.

Thinking that there was actually rauling on the TV I spent the last two days trying to find out what did happen.

Allegedly, I say allegedly because none of this has been proven and I don’t want the askria knocking on my door for info, supporters loyal to the African Ninja turtle Congress had a heated confrontation with supporters of the Democratic Alliance at a Slaap Staad TV debate. Fists flew and blood was spilled on the street outside of the Cape Town City Hall!

No one seems to know who won the fight, but I don’t think its very wise causing kak in the Cape, anyone remember PAGAD, those oaks have just been too quiet for too long!

But what did you expect from the African Ninja turtle Congress, their bladdy leader Zumatello sings about people taking up their machine guns on a number of occasions.

ZUMATELLO!....... THE STRUGGLE IS OVER MY FRIEND! As General Bantu Holomisa. said, put down the Mshini Wami and pick up a Laptop you rocket scientest!

But this is not the first time violence has marked this election campaign. In February, Morning Live fashioned video evidence of AZAPO supporters bum-rushing the stage and beating down African Ninja turtle Congress speakers on the stage in Port Elizabeth. Apparently they were pissed off that their leader only got 15 minutes on stage while the African Ninja turtle Congress got 45 minutes!

Its seems like racism has reared its ugly head in rugby once again.

The latest incident involves Lions super 14 Forwards coach Leon Boshoff. Boshoff was apparently so pissed off that his team lost the way that they did against the Stormers that he gave the whole team (not only the forwards) a tongue lashing of note.

After the Lions returned from Slaap Stad, Boshoff asked head coach Eugene Eloff to leave the room that they were occupying in order to tongue lash! He proceeded to call his team spineless and told colored players, Earl Rose and Laurence Sephaka that the only reason they have, and will ever, make a success is because they are players of color.

Rose took exception to this and phoned his old man to complain. Me thinks Boshoff is lucky that he never got steeked met a mes!

Granted the Lions did play crap, and granted Rose and Sephaka are not the best players in the world. But if you have a problem with the players rather terminate their contract then go 1975 on them! That’s just perpetuating the cycle of thought that all Afrikaans people are racist.

Mind you, Boshoff wasn’t a player of note himself. In fact, he was somewhat of a journeyman. He was a member of the 1999 Lions team who won the Currie Cup competition. He has also played for Western Transvaal, the Cats and SA A.

This is clearly not a good picture for the game, especially for the Golden Lions Rugby Union who have launched a massive campaign to curtail racism at Ellis Park after a racial abuse incident in the crowd at a Springbok match at the ground last year.

When shit like this comes out, I always find it amusing how people think they can keep it quiet! LEON………. YOU CANT KEEP SHIT LIKE THIS QUIET! WE ARE NOT IN A COMMUNIST STATE……... YOU CANT KEEP SHIT LIKE THIS QUIET!

Boshoff will be lucky if he finds a job in South Africa after this incident.

But how does shit like this get out.

It can get out in two ways. The players involved can run straight to the media or the unions media liaison officer runs to the media. Either way, once the media finds out, it’s a slippery slope!

The same happened last year when allegations arose that “someone” had a haish video of Springbok coach Peter De Villiers pumping in the backseat of his car in Stellenbosch.

After the incident, it emerged that it was the Springbok’s media liaison officer that had the tape.

The most famous incident of rugby shenanigans came before the 2003 Rugby World Cup.

In an effort to galvanise the team and to build team spirit, Springbok Coach Rudolph August Wilkens Straeuli, otherwise referred to as “No Personality” Straeuli took the team on safari to Kamp Staaldraad.

The camp was a series of humiliations, with the ultimate being the whole squad thrown into a pit naked listning to the Haka on repeat!

When this got out it was priceless, the culprit: Mark Keohane, the Springbok’s Media Liaison officer at the time!

It seems like the media officers are actually rat bastards who content themselves with pimping information!

Despite my initial estimations that the Lions wouldn’t do to badly this season, it looks like they are going to struggle! But it wont be because of the players of color, its because the team doesn’t have a decent scrum half and full back!

One Hit Wonders

When Irish eyes are smiling Sure it's like a morning spring. In the lilt of Irish laughter, You can hear the angels sing. When Irish hearts are happy, All the world seems bright and gay. And when Irish eyes are smiling, Sure, they steal your heart away. There's a tear in your eye, and I'm wondering why, For it never should be there at all. With such power in your smile, sure a stone you'd beguile, So there's never a teardrop should fall. When your sweet lilting laughter's like some fairy song, And your eyes twinkle bright as can be, You should laugh all the while and all other times smile, And now smile a smile for me. Chorus: When Irish eyes are smiling Sure it's like a morning spring. In the lilt of Irish laughter, You can hear the angels sing. When Irish hearts are happy, All the world seems bright and gay. And when Irish eyes are smiling, Sure, they steal your heart away.

Happy Saint Patricks day to all of the Irish massive from the Lion of Lebanon. To Be Sure To Be Sure, tis going to be a grand old day!

I actually went to my Irish mates house last night and watched: The Boondock Saints in preparation for this auspicious occasion. For those who haven’t seen the Boondock Saints, it’s a great show, although very violent!

For those who are wondering if I have taken my medication this morning, yes I have I will be productive soonest. The exert above might be the second most famous piece of Irish music in the world, behind Sunday Bloody Sunday.

The topic of music came up yesterday when my good friend Kerry Arrow, big up, suggested that I talk about music.

I thought that this was a grand topic of discussion, more specifically if we look at the hits, and the one hit wonders, and how they changed the world!

One of my favourite songs of all times is the Gambler by Kenny Rogers. Not only can the adages in the song be applied to gambling, but to life in general.

Below is the chorus of the song. The chorus in particular can be applied to life in general, if one opens his mind to it.


You got to know when to hold em, know when to fold em, Know when to walk away and know when to run. You never count your money when youre sittin at the table. Therell be time enough for countin when the dealins done.

After that, country music died down a bit with the wider international audience not getting exposure to the medium.

Then came that doos Billy Rae Cyris. Now anyone whos name is Billy Rae should suggest the lyrical competencies of the man His song Achy Breaky Heart was not rocket science, but it really appealed to the masses.

I think the reason the song became such a hit was that it appealed to the masses. The tune appealed to the ladies while the lyrics appealed to the men.

Lets not even go onto music writers and drugs, cause that is a whole new post for a whole new day!

One of the biggest tunes hitting the waves these days is Lady GAGA’s Poke Her Face. You might be a bit confused when you hear the opening and have visions of the lead singer of Boney M running around in spandex. And you wont be far wrong. The opening bit of the song is actually a sample of Ma Baker.

However, Lady GA GA is a genius. And Poke Her Face is one of the better tunes around. Like the gambler there are very few songs around about punting and poker in particular. Now that there is Poke Her Face, people can stop playing The Gambler on repeat on poker evening and alternate between the two.

Not everything in the music world is what it seems, look at Michael Jackson. Yes YES I know, I do find it very hard to go through a post without mentioning the King of Pop, I’m a fan, get over it.

We digress. Most of us know Boney M as a black group. Yes or No? However, the black people are not the singers.

The group was started by German Frank Farian who was a schlager singer. He wasn't happy with the choice of material his record company wanted him to sing. He went into the studio in December 1974 and recorded the song single "Baby Do You Wanna Bump?", which was a monotonous dance track, singing the repeated "Do you do you wanna bump?" in a deep voice (entirely studio created) as well as performing the high female chorus vocals in his falsetto voice. The record came out, credited to "Boney M." Frank Farian had been watching an Australian detective show, where the lead character was called Boney, and Farian decided that this would make a good name for a group, and added the M.

He then found the front men of the group, the black ‘singers’ and told them to lip sync while he sang! To attract attention, he would dress the group in JADE outfits and put them in haish positions on the CD covers.

Other notable “one hit wonders” include the Survivor classic “Eye of the Tiger”, the song is a die hard classic in the Lebanese community because of its popularity in the Rocky movies. I have been trying to work out why the Lebs love Rocky because he is actually Italian, and not Lebanese. Then someone suggested that its because in the movies, Rocky is just as thick as some of the Lebs, which is a very plausible explanation.

To end of, because this is becoming a very long post, this is my Top Ten favourate “one hit wonders” of all time

1) Achy Breaky Heart – Billy Rae Cyris
2) Eye of the Tiger – Survivor
3) F da Police – NWA
4) Jump Around – House of Pain
5) Tarzan Boy – Baltimora
6) Please Don’t Go – Haddeway
7) Boom Boom Boom and Wiggle Wiggle – Outhere Brothers
8) Pass the Toilet Paper – Jerky Boys
9) One night in Bankok – Murry Head
10) Cotton Eye Joe-Rednecks

Are you joking?

One of the hardest things to pull off in the world is telling jokes in public.

Basically the pressure is really on to tell the joke properly, or else you are going to look like a tosser when no one around you is laughing!!

I was at my friends engagement party this weekend, and let me take this opportunity to congratulate Shannon O’Donnell and Alex de Ryhove on their engagement, when I heard a pearler!

One of the molar oaks at the table told us the joke about the late Hansie Cronje and how he did his bit for South Africa when he crashed his plane in George.

This is how he told it:

“youzzzz know. Hansi did his bit for South Africa when he crashed his plane where he did. Because whenzz he wazz in India, he wazz approached by Al Qaeda and was instructed to crash the plane into a place where George W Bush would be. Instead he crashed his plane in a Bush West of George!”

Everyone at the table were killing themselves laughing!

He then went on to tell the joke about the head.

I heard this joke for the first time when I was about 15.

This guy is born just as a head, and him and his brother are very close to each other as his brother has to take him to school and to restaurants and all of that. Eventually the two boys get to the age when they can start drinking and they go to pubs every weekend to have a shot!

Unfortunately, the head has a tendency to get into fights when out drinking. The boys have lived in 7 of the country’s 9 provinces as they have been banned from almost every bar in the country.

They are now living in Gauteng, and have been banned from every bar in the province except for a bar in Brakpan!

On the way to the bar, the heads brother is giving the head a pep talk about not getting into fights! The head agrees and promises that he will do his best not to be involved in a raul!

The evening goes well until the brother goes to the toilet, when he comes out the bar is F'D up. Chairs are all over the place, tables are over turned, broken glass is everywhere, the askria are there! The place is a mess!

The brother starts looking for the head and finds him under the only unscathed table in the bar, he picks up the head and sees that its eye is blue, teeth are missing, and he has a gash on its forehead!

The brother asks the head what happened, and the head said that it want his fault. The one Brakpanner insulted Steve Hoffmeyer, which made the other Brakpanner get up and start moering the oak! As the fight got more violent, someone from the crowd shouted “Hit him with the head!” and that is how the head got stiffed up!

Ever since I can remember, the Irish have been the brunt of jokes!

This one was sent to me by my cousin in Durban!

Patrick walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the corner of the room, drinking a sip out of each pint in turn. When he had finished all three, he went back to the bar and ordered three more.

The barman says, "You know a pint goes flat soon after I pull it ... your pint would taste better if you bought one at a time."

Patrick replies, "Well now, I have two brodders, one is in America and de odder in Australia and here I am in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised dat we'd drink dis way to remember de days we all drank togedder."

The barman admits that this is a nice custom and says no more.

Patrick becomes a regular customer and always drinks the same way ... ordering three pints and drinking a sip out of each in turn, until they are finished. One day, he comes in and orders just two pints. All the other regulars in the bar notice and fall silent.

When he goes back to the bar for the second round, the barman says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss."

Patrick looks confused for a moment, then the penny drops and he starts to laugh, "Oh no," he says, "Bejesus, everyone is fine! Tis me ... I've quit drinking!"

Another Irish joke tells of Pastor Fluff. Now Pastor Fluff went to the local pub after a heavy week at his church and was enjoying a quiet drink! After a while he hears a great noise at the other end of the bar. He look and sees that it is Mary O’Kella getting loud!

Pastor Fluff goes to her and asks her to go home, he even offers to escort her! She agrees, only if the Pastor has a drink with her.

After the drink, Pastor Fluff tells Mary that its time to go. As he picks her up her legs buckle and she pulls Pastor Fluff on top of her.

The Barkeep sees this and doesn’t like it. He gets his shelangly out and goes over to the sprawling couple on the floor. He kicks Pastor Fluff. and says that he wants none of this in his bar.

Pastor Fluff looks up and says: “But I know this woman, I'm Pastor Fluff”

The barkeep looks at them and says: “Well in that case you can finish off!”

Crisis? What crisis?

Good Monday people!

Actually, Mondays are very slow for me. It takes the Lion of Lebanon at least 2 hours at work to become remotely productive.

Anyway what a weekend.

I tend to agree with Bradley Geldenhuys’ sentiment that the financial crisis is a bunch of horse shit! I went punting on Friday night, a typical Lebanese past time, and was shocked with what I saw.

Sitting on the roulette table at Gold Reef City Casino, I exchanged my money for chips and gave myself a few rounds to have a look at how the Sharmoot Hubid was spinning the wheel and what numbers were falling. While I was observing, a rich Indian Man, with his 52 gold chains around his neck a gold bicycle chain on his arm and a gold ring on every finger, took out 10 grand and threw it on the table.

Now I’m not used to seeing money like that casually thrown around, unless its at the purchase of a parcel of Gwesh, be that as it may, the bloke got his chips and he proceeded to play as if he owned the table.

Clearly the concept of cautiousness doesn’t apply to him as me with my R250 worth of chips lasted longer then him.


I left the table and came back to have another go at the table and as I sat down, the larney came back and threw another 5 grand on the table. He was a bit luckier the second time around as when I left he was about 2 grand up.

I don’t really go to the Casino’s with the expectation of winning big, the main reason is for the atmosphere. You would think that during a financial crisis like the one that we are apparently in, people would be more cautious with their money! Fat chance of that my friends! All of the roulette tables were packed as was the blackjack tables, the machines were buzzing and the smoking section of the casino looked like the cemetary scene of Michael Jackson’s thriller with all of the mist! Mind you, a few of the Eldarado Park massive walked out there with eyes glazed over like the zombies from the said music video!

The rugby never went well! I think I only called one game correctly! YES YES I know the Sharks lost. Stop the SMS’ please! I K.N.O.W W.E. L.O.S.T! But at least we never fell apart like the Lions! I cant say that I couldn’t see it coming after the first 20 minutes. For a change the Stormers forwards finally figured out that they can actually play rugby! They were nothing short of awesome!

Liverpool blew the Reds away! If they play like this for the rest of the season then they could very well win the league!

I have stated on a number of occasions that the Lebanese love themselves! And its all very well if the girls love themselves, because frankly there is nothing nicer then a dolled up raven haired, olive skinned, hazel eyed beauty in a push up bra with stiletto high heels prancing around! But when the men love themselves and advocate it, there’s a problem!

I had my first encounter with this in high school. At the time, Fabian Khalil used to be a mainer at the Bassonia gym. He was loosing his hair and proud of it! He used to walk around the gym, stop unsuspecting ladies and ask: “Don’t you think I look a little bit like BRUCE WILLIS!” Although this is weird, you would think that was limited to the gym, but it wasn’t.

The top spot for jauling in those days was Night Fever in Fourways. One night there, before getting horribly molar, I was at the bar, and out the corner of the ear I heard, “Yes I know I look like Bruce Willis, I must admit, I’m only now getting used to the attention I get!” Strues Bob, I turn around and Fabian is Zurising himself around a number of girls!

That was nearly 10 years ago.

The latest incident of molar loving oneself happened at Santroghey this weekend! And I called it on Friday!

Warren Jaffa you legendary oak! I saw him at church on Sunday night and usually he gives me some sop story of how he is never going to drink again, and how he got on the bar counter to dance! This Sunday he tells me that he has to ask for forgiveness in church because at Santroghey on Saturday night, WARREN JAFFA, was getting dead molar, danced on the bar counter, THEN TOOK HIS SHIRT OFF, walked around the club asking girls: “Don’t you think it’s a bit nippy in here!?”

STONE COLD ZURIS!

Speaking of Zuris’, Zumatello was on the campaign trail this weekend and hit the churches! Today on Highveld Stereo he was bitching and moaning about why the public are pissed off with him campaigning at churches!

Now its all very well that you campaign at the churches and I am all for it, provided that try and bring back church values into the way you run your country. But when you walk into a Christian church and start advocating abortion and same sex marriages, you are going to get STUFFED UP! That’s how to loose votes 101!

We need to welcome a new follower to the Lions Den! Big up Ms Kerry Arrow, you legendary girl!

Election Shenanigans

April the 22nd is once again going to be a significant day in South Africa’s future.

April the 22nd is the day that the ANC looses the election.

Or so believes Helen Zille, but then again, anyone who is the mayor of Slaapstad will make statements like that while high something.

April the 22nd is once again going to be a significant day in South Africa’s future: The Lion of Lebanon is going to vote for the first time!

Yes election time again.

I remember the first democratic elections in 1994, I was a lighty in Std 4 and we were given three days off school, so that the teachers, and the matrics, could go and vote. But that was not the highlight of the time.

My funniest memory from the time is how the NP made South Africans believe that all the infrastructure is going to break down when the ANC took over, this sparked a massive drive to Spars and Pick and Pays by every white person in South Africa to buy tinned beans and candles.

My mom wasn’t innocent in this matter, so me and her went to Spar to buy a few cans of beans and candles just in case the rumors were founded! While at Spar we saw a family member of ours who lived next door to us at the time putting cans and cans of beans in his trolley, while his wife had another trolley filled with packets and packets of candles.

We asked him why he was doing this and he was convinced that South Africa would go into civil war and the provisions were necessary. Mind you this was coming from Eugene Terreblanche’s first body guard. No seriously, the was Eugene Terreblanche’s first body guard. In his pub he used to have the old South African flag on the one wall and the AWB flag on the other wall. He also had enough gats at his home to invade a small country.

Nothing this amusing will happen this time around, however, the road to the 22nd of April has been amusing.

The biggest shock was the split in the ANC. Terror Lekota and Nasima Sheloa got so pissed off with the lawlessness in the ANC, eventually, that they resigned and formed the Congress of the People (Cope).

Since the forming of the party there has been a mass exodus of biblical proportions from the ANC to join Cope.

And it is mildly amusing because there has been copious amounts of mudslinging going on since Copes formation.

Most of this was don’t by 2008 South African Rocket Scientist of the year Julias Malema. Who is not short of priceless words.

He started pissing people off when he said that the ANC Youth League would kill for ANC President Jacob Zuma, people questioned his morals, his intelligence, and his suitability to own sharp objects. After a few days, Malema said that he was quoted out of context. But how far out of context can you take “We will kill for Jacob Zuma”

Then he went on the campaign trail for his president talking shit left right and center. He was seen at the Tshwane University of Technology addressing protesters having a dig at Education Minister Naledi Pandor calling her a fake minister with a fake accent! By the way, Pandor is a ANC member, so he is dissing his own party!

Two weeks later he was having a dig at: the DA calling them a Mickey Mouse organisation, Cope calling them a bunch of angriests, and the IFP calling them rabble-rousers

When the DA responded, Malema took offence, because how dare anyone question him, so he accused the DA of Michael Jackson tactics.

Please someone tell me what the F Michael Jackson tactics are?

The IFP thanked Malema for his statements because they were tantamount to campaigning for the opposition!

A must have in order to vote is a valid ID book. And there was a rush to get one. But I really feel sorry for the people in the pictures in this post as they have to present these ID Books to their IEC offices.

The ANC will win again, there is no doubt about that, but the question is, do you want a missing Ninja Turtle to lead your country?

Super Weekend! What a Zuris!

Bloggers of the world…….. A big howzit from The Lion of Lebanon.

Alright I am sick and bladdy tired of people asking me where the hell I got my name from and what shit was a I smoking when I came up with this stuff.

Unlike other young men in the Leb community who love themselves and cant find anything better to do with their lives then say: how great am I? I did not give myself my name.

But as Daniel Azar pointed out to me last night over a hubbly, I am not even a Lions fan. For those of you who don’t know me I am a huge sharks fan and have been since 1988. I know I wasn’t born in Natal or live there, but get over it, I am a fan of the sharks!

Anyway, we digress. I got the name The Lion of Lebanon when I was living in Dubai. One of my regular watering holes was Double Decker. A dingy English type pub filled with dingy English people! I struck up a friendship with a suitably fit Irish lass who I would see there every time I went there. One night, over a few Strongbow Ciders, she admitted that initially she was intimidated by me but once she got to know me I was more like a teddy bear with the heart of a lion.

And on that night, The Lion of Lebanon was born! Big up Ms Fallon O’Shea!

Anyway its coming to the weekend, and invariably its time for 3 things, Gamroh, Bints, and Sport.

It will be an interesting weekend for the Super 14 as the Bulls, Sharks and Waratahs all push to extend their unbeaten records in the competition. The Bulls are guaranteed to be unbeaten as they have a bye, of the two high flyers, The Waratahs have the hardest game as they have to travel to the Bruce Stadium in Canberra to face the Brumbies. Expect a hard fought game in the backline with Stirling Mortlok eager to test the defensive capabilities of Waratahs Flyhalf prodigy Kurtley Beale.

As always the game will be won or lost in the forwards. Old rivals George Smith and Phil Waugh will be keen to impress Robbie Deans.

The game will be tough. Don’t expect a high scoring affair, the Waratahs should win by 5.

The Sharks are in Brisbane to crucify the Reds. I don’t expect it to be to hard of a game for my boys, although the Reds did push the Stormers in Cape Town. The Sharks should dominate every facet of play, Sharks by 10.

As we speak the Cheetahs are getting a hiding, 24 Minutes into the game and it already 17-0. Easy win for the Blues, who knows what the final score will be!

It will be interesting to see if the Crusaders can pull their fingers out of their ass and actually win for a change! The loss to the Highlanders last week was a huge Zuris with a scoreline reminiscent of a 1943 game! The Crusaders are at home to the Force, but the Force do travel well. Force by 10.

Invercargill is the next stop on the super weekend where the Highlanders host the Chiefs. The cracks in the Chiefs team have become a chasm over the past few weeks, and if their forwards are put under pressure early, its tickets. Although the Highlanders are on a high after last weeks win at the House of Pain, the Chiefs should be able to run the Highlanders into the ground. Expect Lelia Masaga and Sitiveni Sivivatu to be put in space and as they say in Australia: They wont catch him.

The final game of the weekend is the Stormers vs the Lions. Two sides who have had flashes of brilliance, but moments of rank feking amateurism. Apparently the Stormers are sweating over the dearth in the Tight Head department, and with the strongest Loose Head in the country looking to wreak havoc! It doesn’t bode well in the Cape! The Lions pack is somewhat better then the Stormers, the difference is in the halfbacks. The Storemrs have two Springboks in Ricky Januarie and Peter Grant, while the Lions have only André Pretorius who has worn the Green and Gold.

The Stormers are somewhat better in the backline then the Lions. There is one Springbok a piece in Midfield for both teams, the difference is in the other centre. Barry Goods seriously lacks game time, while Gobani Bobo is having a good season. The Stormers back three is a country mile better then the Lions.

However, the Stormers are their own worst enemy and have a tendency to snatch defeat out of the jaws of victory and the Lions could pull it together and snatch a win. In my opinion, the snoek braais and papsaks at Newlands could turn violent and expect a few "Jou Ma Sé P*%ste" to be thrown around. Lions by 5.

There is a small matter of a huge game at Old Trafford happening and I can see the weekend ending in tears for my mate Michael Azar or the loud mouth porra from the Gym Gary Rodrigues. Both teams are on a high after wins in the Champions League during the week. However, some feel that this is the weekend that United win the Barclay Card Premiership. Should they beat Liverpool, the writing is on the wall, should United draw with Liverpool, the writing is on the wall, should United loose to Liverpool, there might be a chance for the scousers.

Liverpool’s quandary is this: they need to beat United and win every game for the rest of the season and hope United loose every game from now until the end of the season. Somehow I don’t think that even the thieving scouse bastards can pull this one off.

On the social side, expect F TV and Cubana to be hives of activity. They quality of the bints there somewhat punishes me as some of the ladies are tempting, but they are so uppety that its a case of nuns without panties! Its there, but you cant hit it!

There is an old lymeric that goes: I when away in Santropae when the cats go out and the rats will play, you left the house and i came for my pray. I took your wife into the bay took her innosence away ...

And then there is Santropae, otherwise known as Santroghey, expect it to be like Beirut on Saturday night with Warren Jaffa making his regular molar appearance at the place. Hopefully people will clear the bar counter for him at around 11 pm when he feels the urge to dance on it! Expect Arif off the Balcony, what a Zuris!

Do it for your country you prick!

From time to time I will start off my posts with an interesting question. I suppose my journalistic training has taught me always look for a way to stimulate intelligent thought through creative brilliance. I’m not there yet, but I am pretty feking close!

Right so here is the question of the day: Since when did Cricket South Africa loose every ounce of testosterone in the organisation and become a bunch of SOFT COCKS?

Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying the whole organisation is f’d up. As a matter of fact, it is the only sporting body that actually runs efficiently without a bit of ‘Days of our Lives’ drama in it.

The reason for my gripe, and there is always a reason, is that since when do players run CSA?

I take you back to Australia, where we were on the top of the cricketing world, with a series win in both the long and short version of the game. Fine we lost the two games in the Mickey Mouse version of the game(20/20), but we won the two that counts.

Anyway, we digress. Granted, the win in Australia was huge. Not many teams can go "Down Under" and win like we did. But that doesn’t mean that the South African players can become divas now.

Lets face the facts, Mark Boucher is becoming an old bastard and the time of his departure is on the horizon. In an attempt to prepare for the future Mickey “Mouse” Arthur is vigorously looking for a new ‘keeper. The most likely candidate would be AB de Villiers. But he refused Arthur stating that he wants to be the best batsmen in the world and you cant do that at number seven.

I’m sorry but who the F does he think he is. Since when can you refuse to do something your employer asks? If I refuse to write mining stories Ill get my ass kicked! Like my good friend Bradley Geldenhuys says, they should remove his nipples with a coat hanger, the bastard. I have got nothing against him as a player, he is a bladdy fine batsman. But he should be grateful that he is the team!

And who’s to even say he will bat seven if he keeps wicket? Alec Steward was a top order batsman for England for a number of years, as was Adam Gilchrist for Australia!

Do it for your country you prick!

Same with Ashwell Prince! He should be grateful that he has been given a second lease of life, like Lazarus rising from the dead. Ok fine, he is opening the batting, which he is not accustomed to, but to refuse the captaincy! PURE LUNACY!

His explanation? “The pressures will be too great to open the batting and to captain the side!”

I’m sorry Ashwell, I wasn’t aware that you were picking up your bat in an international for the first time. OH SHIT WAIT YOU AREN'T! ARE YOU?! You are an experienced professional, with 47 test matches to your name.

Do it for your country you prick!

What these people don’t understand is that there are a lot of players in South Africa who would give their left ball-sack to play for the Proteas, and here you have two bitches trying to run the sport! They must just remember: NO ONE IS INDISPENSABLE! NO ONE!

Lets just hope the Boks don’t get diva personalities like these two woman!