Perceptions of sociaty

Good Monday all.

One of the most popular posts that I wrote on this blog concerns the fifteen years that South Africa has lived through democracy and the fact that as much as things change, they stay the same with regards to race and race relations.

It amazes me how people portray others and assign them certain 'hats'. These 'hats' that I am referring to is a metaphorical term for personality traits.

And we have all heard them before: The men from Cape Town are a bunch of queers. The people from the eastern suburbs of Johannesburg are a bunch of drunk inbreds with three heads. The people from the northern suburbs of Johannesburg are a bunch of rich daddy's kids who cant fight.

These all sound very familiar right? Personally I don't believe in assigning these 'hats' to people because I am not one to judge. However, after watching the FA Cup Semi Final between Manchester United and Manchester City on the weekend in the eastern suburbs of Joburg. I can understand why people participate in this practice.

At the table next to us was a bunch of people in their early to late fourties watching the rugby game between the Stormers and the Lions. They were obviously drinking as if the day of judgment was near because as soon as they put down their shots of Sambuca, the waitress came back to the table with another round. In between all of the noise of people cheering either for the Stormers, Lions or Manchester United, I heard two people at the said table comment: ons gaan onsself fucked up om te drink totdat hulle voer ons uit hierdie plek! For my international audience who cannot speak Afrikaans, basically this means: we are going to drink ourselfs fucked up until they carry us out of this place!

I mean, this just gives fuel to the fire that people think that the Eastern Joburgers can do nothing else but drink, so why make proclamations such as this? Because following from that will be the rumors that they are going to go home and pump their sisters.....and ....and...and.

I don't give a shit about the Lions, in fact I knew that they were in for a hiding, it was just a case of how big it was going to be. But the fact that Manchester United played with absolutely no imagination what so ever pissed me off. And then every time United made a mistake, the table of drinkers would make a loud comment about it hoping to coax the lion in me to come out.

This would have been the case had it not been for their waitress who was also serving our table. She gave me a gentle flirtatious smile and mentioned that I needn't worry they wouldn't be there long. No sooner had the words came our of her mouth then one of the stauncher Manchester United fans actually took up the challenge, which saw the askria burst into the establishment kicking tables and chairs over like S.W.A.T and arresting most of the men from the table of drinker.

No sooner had the askria left then the women at the table of drinkers started challenging anyone they could find to a fight. And almost as if by magic the Manchester United fan's wife picked up an empty bottle and bottled the offending lady over her head.

As the remaining people from the table of drinkers carried the unconscious woman out of the establishment, a friend of mine at our table thought that this was the best thing ever so he invited the couple over to our table. Asking the United girl why she did it she proclaimed: I coome from blooooody Manchester! We like a good scrap we do! Toook me back to the old days at the Cockney Inn!

It wasn't until I was taking my lady friend Kim home that she mentioned to me that its events like this that perpetuate the cycle of providing people with 'hats'

Welcome to the human race!

Rugby Focus

It’s a sad sad day for rugby.

A week after been run over by a security van outside a Durban night club, Brumbies player Shawn McCay passed away last night in a Durban hospital.

McCay contracted a blood infection, which brought on cardiac arrest, which proved fatal.

This doesn’t say much for medical standards in South African hospitals if a person can contract a fatal infection in ICU, which is supposed to be the safest place in the hospital.

My thoughts and prayers go out to the family and team mates of McCay.

In other news, Peter De Villiers has given SARU seven days to initiate disciplinary action against Cheeky Watson after the whole Baboon incident. At the time of the incident, Watson claimed that him and De Villiers were good friends, and one would think that good friends don’t go around seeking disciplinary action against others.

But then again whenever Cheeky is involved, there is trouble.

Same with his piss willie son Luke. Granted he is the form of his life, and is actually letting his rugby do the talking instead of his mouth. However, me thinks this wont be enough to warrant a selection in the team.

Last week De Villiers reported that the team dynamics of the Springboks will be key, after Watson’s statements last year that he wanted to arif on the springbok jersey pissed off a few senior players. These players will find it hard to get along with him should he be included now.

SARU has accommodated Watson to a degree by moving the Springbok to the left hand side of the jersey and incorporating the King Protea on the right, but this just means that Watson will arif on half of the jersey.

Because it is easter week and I am going away, I thought I'd do my predictions on a Monday this week.

First up, on Good Friday, the Blues host the Lions. The Blues are fresh off a rest week and are back at home in their beloved Eden Park where they beat the Waratahs two weeks ago. The Lions are fresh off tossing the game against the Chiefs where they had the perfect opportunity to do other teams in the competition a favor.

The Lions looked very good in stages, André Pretorius looked like he was to his old best, but then missed four UNFORGIVABLE kicks.

Form suggests that the Blues will win, and I agree. Blues by 10.

Next up is the Force against the Hurricanes. The Force are making a charge for the Semi Finals, however, the horse has bolted, and the Hurricanes are on form. Zac Guilford and Ma’a Nonu were in good form against the Sharks and should carry that form over to Perth. Canes by 10.

First up on Saturday is the Highlanders hosting the Reds. I don’t think the Reds can win and it will be interesting to see if Jimmy Cowen can establish himself as a front runner for the All Black scrum-half berth. Highlanders by 15.

The Brumbies are back at home and will want to play well in memory of McCay, they host Luke Watson because the rest of the Stormers team is playing so shit that they don’t deserve a mention. Luke, as good as he thinks he is the ERR, cant beat 15 men by himself, Brumbies by 20.

The Bulls travel to Sydney to face a Waratahs team that is once again on form, The Bulls need to win this game to have any hopes of a home semi final. And if they loose this game then there is a huge possibility that they wont even make the Semi Finals! I think the Bulls are on a loosing streak that will see them not qualify for the Semi Finals, Waratahs by 5.

The final game of the Easter Super Weekend is the Cheetahs hosting the Sharks. The Sharks are in the type of form that will see them win the tournament without loosing another game. Sharks by 15.

Have a punt. but whats the Point?

Most gambling is pointless, the amount of people that have won vs the amount of people that have lost is sickingly distorted.

However, when you go to a casino, any casino, you see copious mugs paying the casino’s yearly rent, lights and water, gambling, and liquor license all in one evening.

However, most people seem to carry on punting. But why? Why do people go and punt knowing that they are going to loose? Well you see, they don’t know that. Although the ratio of people who have won at the casino’s vs the people who have lost at the casino’s is distorted, people always feel that they have a chance. That the cards will fall for them, that the ball will fall in their number, that the three 7’s will line up.

So its legalised theft where the offenders ‘unknowingly’ get away with it. However, there is a form of legalised theft where the people knowingly get away with it. And it actually GRATES MY BALLS.

7 14 15 20 22 47. No that is not the combination the safe at my house. It was last nights LOTTO numbers.

Now look at those numbers and tell me that the f’ing thing is not rigged? The chances of picking 6 numbers to win the lotto is slim. But to pick consecutive numbers to win the LOTTO is impossible.

Yet when the draw results came on TV it showed that there were no fewer then 3 winners who had to share the jackpot.

And this happens every week! EVERY WEEK TWO CONSECUTIVE NUMBERS ARE DRAWN, and someone wins.

DO ME A FAVOUR. I WASN’T BORN YESTERDAY, YOU ARE STEALING PEOPLES MONEY AND GETTING AWAY WITH IT YOU SCALY BASTARDS!

If there were three winners, why don’t they publish their names in the paper. And they mustn’t come with the crap excuse that they want to remain anonymous. Because unless you move to fekkin Jamaica the day after you win the LOTTO people are going to find out.

Ask yourself this: If a family member won the LOTTO jackpot, would I find this out without his/her name being in the paper?

If you don’t, then you are stupid! Plain and bladdy simple.

As for Nimrod Nkosi, he should have stuck with Jam Ally, 'cause prancing around the stage like a fairy isn’t working for him. Vanessa Carrera is still hot though!

Super 14 time again.

I am doing my predictions on a Thursday so that I am not under pressure to get my predictions out before the early morning result comes out.

It’s a calmer weekend this week. First up is the Blues against the Waratahs. The ‘Tahs have become very unpredictable. Before the last weekend, they hadn’t lost in Sydney in 11 matches. However, they played crap and the Crusaders won.

One thing the ‘Tahs cant do is travel. And this weekend, they will have to make the journey to New Zealand’s home of rugby, Eden Park. I spoke in the past about the Blues’ forward strength and the strength of their half backs. But over the last two weeks, Isia Toeva and Rene Ranger have hit their straps and have caused havoc. Expect much of the same this week. Blues by 10, Joel Peter agrees.

Easy win for the Bulls on Saturday in Palmerston North when they take on the Highlanders. Hopefully Brian Habanna can actually wake up on Saturday and figure out that he plays rugby for a living. The wing has been playing crap ever since he won the world cup. The Bulls forwards should take the Highlanders to the cleaners, expect Pierre Spies to run in one or two. Bulls by 15, once again Joel agrees.

I called it last week. The Crusaders are the come-back-kids of the tournament. They drew with the Force and got a win in Sydney. They play the Stormers this week at the AMI stadium. The Stormers have injury problems and have selected Peter Grant at centre with Willem De Waal to start at 10. Bozo The Clown moves to 14.

I think the Crusaders are brimming with confidence and will fancy their chances this weekend. Crusaders by 10, Joel agrees.

The Reds host the Chiefs, the Reds have no chance, Chiefs by 10, Joel agrees.

The Sharks are back at their beloved Shark Tank to inflict copious amounts of pain to the Brumbies. It will be like experiencing torture in a Viet Cong prison camp. The Brumbies might want to prove that they can win on the road, but the Sharks will be keen to cement their top position. Rory Kocket will be key in the game as Ruan Pienaar is injured. He will need to get Frans Steyn on the front foot. Ryan Kankowski is also key as the 8 9 10 axis of the Sharks has been a feature of their game since the 80’s . They’ll be too good. Sharks by 15, Joel says Sharks by 5.

It gets worse. The Lions win over the weekend has put a spanner in the works for teams hoping to make the play offs. The Hurricanes come to Ellis Park hoping to win on the road and get valuable points under their belt. However the Lions could cause an upset.

Key for the Lions to is contain Ma’a Nonu. If they can do that, they will win by plenty. However, that will be a hard task. Ill go for a Hurricanes win by 5, Joel thinks the Lions could win. BUT DON’T PUT THE HOUSE ON THIS GAME!

The Zuris team of the tournament, the Cheetahs are resting this week, Thank the Lord!

What drugs is Michael Jackson on? I reported last month that he is staging a comeback. His first stop on his world tour is London. Reports indicate that he wants to make a grand entrance onto the stage. He wants to ride in on an African Elephant, which will be led by two panthers on leashes, and a flock of exotic birds flying behind him!

This is all true, google it!

What the FEK Michael, you are becoming a Zuris. Just forget about music and retire with some dignity please!

Crisis? What crisis?

Good Monday people!

Actually, Mondays are very slow for me. It takes the Lion of Lebanon at least 2 hours at work to become remotely productive.

Anyway what a weekend.

I tend to agree with Bradley Geldenhuys’ sentiment that the financial crisis is a bunch of horse shit! I went punting on Friday night, a typical Lebanese past time, and was shocked with what I saw.

Sitting on the roulette table at Gold Reef City Casino, I exchanged my money for chips and gave myself a few rounds to have a look at how the Sharmoot Hubid was spinning the wheel and what numbers were falling. While I was observing, a rich Indian Man, with his 52 gold chains around his neck a gold bicycle chain on his arm and a gold ring on every finger, took out 10 grand and threw it on the table.

Now I’m not used to seeing money like that casually thrown around, unless its at the purchase of a parcel of Gwesh, be that as it may, the bloke got his chips and he proceeded to play as if he owned the table.

Clearly the concept of cautiousness doesn’t apply to him as me with my R250 worth of chips lasted longer then him.


I left the table and came back to have another go at the table and as I sat down, the larney came back and threw another 5 grand on the table. He was a bit luckier the second time around as when I left he was about 2 grand up.

I don’t really go to the Casino’s with the expectation of winning big, the main reason is for the atmosphere. You would think that during a financial crisis like the one that we are apparently in, people would be more cautious with their money! Fat chance of that my friends! All of the roulette tables were packed as was the blackjack tables, the machines were buzzing and the smoking section of the casino looked like the cemetary scene of Michael Jackson’s thriller with all of the mist! Mind you, a few of the Eldarado Park massive walked out there with eyes glazed over like the zombies from the said music video!

The rugby never went well! I think I only called one game correctly! YES YES I know the Sharks lost. Stop the SMS’ please! I K.N.O.W W.E. L.O.S.T! But at least we never fell apart like the Lions! I cant say that I couldn’t see it coming after the first 20 minutes. For a change the Stormers forwards finally figured out that they can actually play rugby! They were nothing short of awesome!

Liverpool blew the Reds away! If they play like this for the rest of the season then they could very well win the league!

I have stated on a number of occasions that the Lebanese love themselves! And its all very well if the girls love themselves, because frankly there is nothing nicer then a dolled up raven haired, olive skinned, hazel eyed beauty in a push up bra with stiletto high heels prancing around! But when the men love themselves and advocate it, there’s a problem!

I had my first encounter with this in high school. At the time, Fabian Khalil used to be a mainer at the Bassonia gym. He was loosing his hair and proud of it! He used to walk around the gym, stop unsuspecting ladies and ask: “Don’t you think I look a little bit like BRUCE WILLIS!” Although this is weird, you would think that was limited to the gym, but it wasn’t.

The top spot for jauling in those days was Night Fever in Fourways. One night there, before getting horribly molar, I was at the bar, and out the corner of the ear I heard, “Yes I know I look like Bruce Willis, I must admit, I’m only now getting used to the attention I get!” Strues Bob, I turn around and Fabian is Zurising himself around a number of girls!

That was nearly 10 years ago.

The latest incident of molar loving oneself happened at Santroghey this weekend! And I called it on Friday!

Warren Jaffa you legendary oak! I saw him at church on Sunday night and usually he gives me some sop story of how he is never going to drink again, and how he got on the bar counter to dance! This Sunday he tells me that he has to ask for forgiveness in church because at Santroghey on Saturday night, WARREN JAFFA, was getting dead molar, danced on the bar counter, THEN TOOK HIS SHIRT OFF, walked around the club asking girls: “Don’t you think it’s a bit nippy in here!?”

STONE COLD ZURIS!

Speaking of Zuris’, Zumatello was on the campaign trail this weekend and hit the churches! Today on Highveld Stereo he was bitching and moaning about why the public are pissed off with him campaigning at churches!

Now its all very well that you campaign at the churches and I am all for it, provided that try and bring back church values into the way you run your country. But when you walk into a Christian church and start advocating abortion and same sex marriages, you are going to get STUFFED UP! That’s how to loose votes 101!

We need to welcome a new follower to the Lions Den! Big up Ms Kerry Arrow, you legendary girl!