I am reluctant to post sports content on this blog as I already have a sports themed blog to fill voice an opinion on a aspect of life which i am passionate about. However, events over the weekend have made me realise that the rest of the world is showing signs of becoming like South Africa when it comes to corruption. They turn a blind eye.
The latest spate of this comes in the form of the world football governing body FIFA which was in the midst of a powership struggle leading up to presidential elections, but this has now resolved itself in such a way that current President Sepp Blatter will stand unopposed for another term as the body's president.
After so many years at the helm of FIFA a few top people in the football world felt that the time ahs come for the proverbial 'changing of the guard', these people were also keen to have a man at the helm from a region which has never been represented to well at FIFA those being Africa, Asia or Concacaf (the ruling body from the North American Region). There is just so much bad publicity surrounding the head of the Confederation of African Football that Africa never put forward a delegate. And for some reason neither did North America.
This left Asia as the only region keen to do so, and they put Qatar delegate Mohamed Bin Hamam forward.
Bin Hamam was instrumental in the global lobby for the world cup to go to Asia and he was vilified when Blatter named Qatar as the tournaments host in 2022.
But Hamam was not finished with FIFA and over the last few months has launched rather scathing attacks on Blatter labeling him 'corruption personified'
So it came down to Blatter vs Hammam in the race for the Presidency. And Blatter was quick to suggest that FIFA investigate Bin Hamam because of growing allegations of 'bought' votes. Bin Hamam responded to this by suggesting that Blatter himself should be investigated.
FIFA found Bin Hamam guilty but cleared Blatter of all charges brought against him. But as many top football officiators have highlighted, Blatter is no angel.
The first instance was in 2000 when Germany won the right to host the 2006 World Cup ahead of South Africa. Now there is not a South African on the face of the earth who are upset to losing to Germany, but it was the way in which they lost. It came down to a vote off where a New Zealand delegate (apparently under instruction from Blatter) voted for the German bid.
This caused such a stink up that FIFA basically handed South Africa the 2010 World Cup when they said that only bids from Africa would be considered. To me this is an admission of guilt on the part of FIFA.
Then there was the whole Russia and Qatar scandal where two superior bids were placed before FIFA. England have a very legitimate reason to be sore about the fact that Russia got the 2018 World Cup and America have got a very legitimate reason to be sore about the fact that Qatar got the 2022 tournament.
Again, whispers of graft and corruption were rife and Blatters name was not far away from these whispers.
But FIFA are turning a blind eye to this. Have they not learned enough lessons from the rest of the world regarding turning a blind eye to corruption? Look at world examples: Zimbabwe, Zambia, the DRC, Panama. All were once flourishing countries who were almost bought to their knees because of corruption.
Monday, May 30, 2011
Thursday, May 26, 2011
A Trip of Nostalgia anyone? Part 1
Depending on how old you are, nostalgia can either be awesome or shit!
This post will be in two parts.
I say this because in order to go on these trips of nostalgia we need a point of reference, often these trips are sparked by music, cartoons, or television shows you watched when growing up.
For the purpose of this post we will use jams that would be popular in clubs or house parties.
Driving to work the other day the DJ played higher, which is popular song by Taio Cruz at the moment
He followed this up with a Pitbull & Shaggy song
And then the Snoop Dogg feat David Guetta jam.
These are all very poplar at the moment and will no doubt take the Thundercats and Thunderfelines of today on heavy trips of nostalgia in 10 or 15 years time.
A Trip of Nostalgia anyone? Part 2
The DJ then whent off about how lucky the Thundercats and Thunderfelines of today actually are, because the music that we used to jam to back in the day are jams like 24-7's Slave to the Music
And Milk Incorporated La Vache
Bearing all of the above in mind I must say that yes music has evolved alot since the late 1990s, when I was at the peak of my jauling powers. These jams take me back to house parties where I would know exactly what was happening for the first hour...drink...pass out...and then wake up the next morning with 15 breath mints in my mouth with my best friend telling me about all of the trouble I apparently sorted out after some female friends asked me to get rid of irritating guys. FUN TIMES!
Yee we used to give the Askria heavy times with the Ghamroh in our Arabia's with La Vache pumping over the sound system.
But back then music meant something, the words meant something. A friend of mine is into this whole doof doof music which is the same repetitive crap for two minutes. Granted these jams are great when you are dead molar and giving the Askria heavy times with the Gamroh, but when you are sober, nothing is better then music with words that mean something, such as the South African Lebanese classic Eye of the Tiger
And dont get me started on the cartoons of today. Fucking Japanese mass produced CRAP! Cartoons from the 80s were the best. Brave Starr, He-Man and the Masters of the Universe, Ghost Busters. Even the era when the cartoonists started using drugs, cartoons such as Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and the Biker Mice From Mars were quality.
I must say that television shows have gotten better since the 80s. You cant outdo classics such as The A Team or Air Wolf, but CSI and Law & Order are 100 times better then Miami Vice, Chips and Colombo.
And Milk Incorporated La Vache
Bearing all of the above in mind I must say that yes music has evolved alot since the late 1990s, when I was at the peak of my jauling powers. These jams take me back to house parties where I would know exactly what was happening for the first hour...drink...pass out...and then wake up the next morning with 15 breath mints in my mouth with my best friend telling me about all of the trouble I apparently sorted out after some female friends asked me to get rid of irritating guys. FUN TIMES!
Yee we used to give the Askria heavy times with the Ghamroh in our Arabia's with La Vache pumping over the sound system.
But back then music meant something, the words meant something. A friend of mine is into this whole doof doof music which is the same repetitive crap for two minutes. Granted these jams are great when you are dead molar and giving the Askria heavy times with the Gamroh, but when you are sober, nothing is better then music with words that mean something, such as the South African Lebanese classic Eye of the Tiger
And dont get me started on the cartoons of today. Fucking Japanese mass produced CRAP! Cartoons from the 80s were the best. Brave Starr, He-Man and the Masters of the Universe, Ghost Busters. Even the era when the cartoonists started using drugs, cartoons such as Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and the Biker Mice From Mars were quality.
I must say that television shows have gotten better since the 80s. You cant outdo classics such as The A Team or Air Wolf, but CSI and Law & Order are 100 times better then Miami Vice, Chips and Colombo.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Have you been caught by Dr Mandla Lamba?
After all of the commotion around the proposed 'End of the World' last Saturday, it has emerged that the US pastor who made the claims about the Rapture has made off with a large sum of money which was given to him by some of his 'disciples'.
So in honor of this particular individual (other wise known as a Con Man), I will reflect on South Africa's contribution to this particular race of individuals.
About two weeks ago, while having coffee in Nelson Mandela Square, South Africa's most wanted Con Man Dr Mandla Lamba was accosted by policemen who clapped him in irons and escorted him to the Sandton Police Station.
To give you a bit of a background on this man, he laid claim to being the country's youngest billionaire, being worth an estimated R2,1-billion, all of which was made by mining. He is listed as a director of a mining junior by the name of East American Resources who is in the process of acquiring a diamond project in the Democratic Republic of Congo, a gold mine closer to home in KwaZulu-Natal, and a number of other projects in Africa.
To be honest, I did give this man publicity within the magazine that I write for, but only under instruction from my editors.
Its seems that this man is a proverbial 'Jack of All Trades and a King of None' apart from scaling money from people.
My favorite story about this man is that he posed as an Angolan trainee pilot who was in SA to receive training. He asked a taxi driver to drive him all around Gauteng and promised to pay him in US Dollars. However, at a pharmacy he asked the taxi driver for R1000 to pay for the medication as the pharmacy wont take his American Express card. Because some taxi drivers carry that amount of cash on them, the driver handed over the money to Lamba.
He then drove Lamba to another pharmacy where again he asked the taxi driver for R800 citing the same excuse as before.
During the whole time that the taxi driver drove Lamba around, Lamba assured the driver that money aint a thang and that he would make good in US Dollars no less!
The driver then took Lamba to the Michaelangelo Hotel in Sandton, handed over his cellular phone to Lamba to make a call and waited for him to return.
After an hour he called his phone from a public phone and it was off. Lamba apparently made off into Sandton City R1800 richer and with a new cellphone to his name. Never to be seen until he got caught by the John-Law.
On reflection, I can see how certain individuals were parted of their money because Lamba is not your run-of-the-mill African male who goes off into two minutes of: eh-eh-eh-eh-eh-um-um-um-um- IN FACT -eh-eh-eh-eh-eh-um-um-um-um before trying to make any attempt at talking sense. This man is a smooth talker and sounds like he could actually have a doctorate under his belt.
People might still think that this man has got some serious cash behind him. But he is presently sitting in Sun City (other wise known as Diepkloof Prison) after failing to post bail of R50 000 despite reportedly being worth an estimated R2,1-billion.
Originally he was tried for attempted murder, four counts of fraud and theft. But every week, more and more victims of this man are coming out of the woodwork and their stories are priceless (below are some links to said stories) and you can bet your bottom dollar that a few more cases will be added to his list of misdemeanors.
Dr Mandla Lamba as a DRC Pilot
Dr Mandla Lamba as an Angolan Trainee Pilot
Dr Mandla Lamba and the Sangoma
And Finally
Dr Mandla Lamba tries to con JZ
So in honor of this particular individual (other wise known as a Con Man), I will reflect on South Africa's contribution to this particular race of individuals.
About two weeks ago, while having coffee in Nelson Mandela Square, South Africa's most wanted Con Man Dr Mandla Lamba was accosted by policemen who clapped him in irons and escorted him to the Sandton Police Station.
To give you a bit of a background on this man, he laid claim to being the country's youngest billionaire, being worth an estimated R2,1-billion, all of which was made by mining. He is listed as a director of a mining junior by the name of East American Resources who is in the process of acquiring a diamond project in the Democratic Republic of Congo, a gold mine closer to home in KwaZulu-Natal, and a number of other projects in Africa.
To be honest, I did give this man publicity within the magazine that I write for, but only under instruction from my editors.
Its seems that this man is a proverbial 'Jack of All Trades and a King of None' apart from scaling money from people.
My favorite story about this man is that he posed as an Angolan trainee pilot who was in SA to receive training. He asked a taxi driver to drive him all around Gauteng and promised to pay him in US Dollars. However, at a pharmacy he asked the taxi driver for R1000 to pay for the medication as the pharmacy wont take his American Express card. Because some taxi drivers carry that amount of cash on them, the driver handed over the money to Lamba.
He then drove Lamba to another pharmacy where again he asked the taxi driver for R800 citing the same excuse as before.
During the whole time that the taxi driver drove Lamba around, Lamba assured the driver that money aint a thang and that he would make good in US Dollars no less!
The driver then took Lamba to the Michaelangelo Hotel in Sandton, handed over his cellular phone to Lamba to make a call and waited for him to return.
After an hour he called his phone from a public phone and it was off. Lamba apparently made off into Sandton City R1800 richer and with a new cellphone to his name. Never to be seen until he got caught by the John-Law.
On reflection, I can see how certain individuals were parted of their money because Lamba is not your run-of-the-mill African male who goes off into two minutes of: eh-eh-eh-eh-eh-um-um-um-um- IN FACT -eh-eh-eh-eh-eh-um-um-um-um before trying to make any attempt at talking sense. This man is a smooth talker and sounds like he could actually have a doctorate under his belt.
People might still think that this man has got some serious cash behind him. But he is presently sitting in Sun City (other wise known as Diepkloof Prison) after failing to post bail of R50 000 despite reportedly being worth an estimated R2,1-billion.
Originally he was tried for attempted murder, four counts of fraud and theft. But every week, more and more victims of this man are coming out of the woodwork and their stories are priceless (below are some links to said stories) and you can bet your bottom dollar that a few more cases will be added to his list of misdemeanors.
Dr Mandla Lamba as a DRC Pilot
Dr Mandla Lamba as an Angolan Trainee Pilot
Dr Mandla Lamba and the Sangoma
And Finally
Dr Mandla Lamba tries to con JZ
Dirty Europeans and Crackhead Politicans
Howzit.
I have to pose a question to my European audience. Once again please feel free to comment on this, in fact, you are encouraged to because the question I am about to ask is a hard one and might be seen as an attack on the European continent as a whole.
The question is: Why is Europe filled with dirty old bastard men who like pumping underage girls or partaking in role play sex activities with people other then their wives or mistresses?
I ask this after the resignation of IMF chief Dominic Strauss Khan after it surfaced that he assaulted a hotel maid in a sexually inappropriate manner. How he got his Zub up is another story because he lookes as old as the hills and probably needs a quarter Viagra just to use the toilet.
I purposely asked why Europe is FILLED with such men because there is more then one instance that I can point to.
We all know about the troubles which are assailing Signore Silvio Berlusconi who cant resist the jail bait. So much for a man who was described three years ago as a beacon of hope for European leadership and its principles.
Two down.....one to go.
I have outlined the sexual preferences of former FIA president Max Mosley on this blog before. But while we are on the topic of dirty Europeans, lets refresh our memory.
On a weekend away from running the motor racing world governing body, Mosley booked himself int a hotel and instead of 'hitting the streets' as it where he took to hitting 'the asses of Nazi clad prostitutes' as it where.
At first, Mosley denied all of this. But then the British Tabloid paper News of the World published exclusive photographs of the hotel room tryst as well as a video of the whole thing. A few days later, one of the hookers involved in the affair held an exclusive interview with the Sun newspaper in the UK.
All we need now is for Nicolas Sarkozy to be caught with his pants down. Although he will need a long ass ladder to get up close and personal with some of the sharmootos that the European leaders seem to favor.
I would never have brought up the Strauss Khan issue if it weren't for two things.
- I saw a book on the shelves of Exclusive Books the other day titled: Individuals who have stuffed up South Africa. It is a satirical look at the lives of the likes of Eugene Terreblanche, Julias Malema as well as many others who have played a role in the bad publicity that South Africa has garnered in the past.
But what does this have to do with the Strauss Khan debacle? Allow me to explain...
- One of the top candidates for Strauss Khans vacant position in the IMF is none other then South Africa's former Finance Minister Trevor Manuel. I have always attested that Manual was one of the few cabinet ministers who actually was worth anything. Trevor's odds of taking over from Strauss Khan have shortened from 20/1 to 10/1. Last night he gave his first interview discussing the matter to SABC. Since the inception of the IMF its head has been European and once again while the rest of the world is calling for the next head of the IMF to come from a developing country Europe is putting their weight behind a French candidate. Now I am quoting Manual here verbatim: "Any position, where a candidate is selected by birthright over ability is wrong." I was so shocked when I heard this that I almost chocked on my dinner, because although Manuel is right, he was just critiscising Black Economic Empowerment. Recall all of those books that I saw, run a reprint with an inclusion of Mr Manuel please.
At the end of the day, politicians will open their mouths to take one foot out and out the other one in. And Manuel is not the first to say some absolutely stupid shit and he wont be the last. I leave you with a quote from that great American President George W Bush.
"The ambassador and the general were briefing me on the war in Iraq. The vast majority of Iraqis want to live in a peaceful, free world. And we will find these people and we will bring them to justice." Washington DC, 27 October, 2003
And if that was not enough.
"I'll be long gone before some smart person ever figures out what happened inside this Oval Office." Washington DC, 12 May, 2008
I have to pose a question to my European audience. Once again please feel free to comment on this, in fact, you are encouraged to because the question I am about to ask is a hard one and might be seen as an attack on the European continent as a whole.
The question is: Why is Europe filled with dirty old bastard men who like pumping underage girls or partaking in role play sex activities with people other then their wives or mistresses?
I ask this after the resignation of IMF chief Dominic Strauss Khan after it surfaced that he assaulted a hotel maid in a sexually inappropriate manner. How he got his Zub up is another story because he lookes as old as the hills and probably needs a quarter Viagra just to use the toilet.
I purposely asked why Europe is FILLED with such men because there is more then one instance that I can point to.
We all know about the troubles which are assailing Signore Silvio Berlusconi who cant resist the jail bait. So much for a man who was described three years ago as a beacon of hope for European leadership and its principles.
Two down.....one to go.
I have outlined the sexual preferences of former FIA president Max Mosley on this blog before. But while we are on the topic of dirty Europeans, lets refresh our memory.
On a weekend away from running the motor racing world governing body, Mosley booked himself int a hotel and instead of 'hitting the streets' as it where he took to hitting 'the asses of Nazi clad prostitutes' as it where.
At first, Mosley denied all of this. But then the British Tabloid paper News of the World published exclusive photographs of the hotel room tryst as well as a video of the whole thing. A few days later, one of the hookers involved in the affair held an exclusive interview with the Sun newspaper in the UK.
All we need now is for Nicolas Sarkozy to be caught with his pants down. Although he will need a long ass ladder to get up close and personal with some of the sharmootos that the European leaders seem to favor.
I would never have brought up the Strauss Khan issue if it weren't for two things.
- I saw a book on the shelves of Exclusive Books the other day titled: Individuals who have stuffed up South Africa. It is a satirical look at the lives of the likes of Eugene Terreblanche, Julias Malema as well as many others who have played a role in the bad publicity that South Africa has garnered in the past.
But what does this have to do with the Strauss Khan debacle? Allow me to explain...
- One of the top candidates for Strauss Khans vacant position in the IMF is none other then South Africa's former Finance Minister Trevor Manuel. I have always attested that Manual was one of the few cabinet ministers who actually was worth anything. Trevor's odds of taking over from Strauss Khan have shortened from 20/1 to 10/1. Last night he gave his first interview discussing the matter to SABC. Since the inception of the IMF its head has been European and once again while the rest of the world is calling for the next head of the IMF to come from a developing country Europe is putting their weight behind a French candidate. Now I am quoting Manual here verbatim: "Any position, where a candidate is selected by birthright over ability is wrong." I was so shocked when I heard this that I almost chocked on my dinner, because although Manuel is right, he was just critiscising Black Economic Empowerment. Recall all of those books that I saw, run a reprint with an inclusion of Mr Manuel please.
At the end of the day, politicians will open their mouths to take one foot out and out the other one in. And Manuel is not the first to say some absolutely stupid shit and he wont be the last. I leave you with a quote from that great American President George W Bush.
"The ambassador and the general were briefing me on the war in Iraq. The vast majority of Iraqis want to live in a peaceful, free world. And we will find these people and we will bring them to justice." Washington DC, 27 October, 2003
And if that was not enough.
"I'll be long gone before some smart person ever figures out what happened inside this Oval Office." Washington DC, 12 May, 2008
Friday, May 20, 2011
What did you orignionally want to be when you grew up?
Marhaba.
Today, as i was sitting in a conference which was so boring that it literally aged me ten years, I came up with at least 20 better things that i could be doing with my life at that particular juncture.
Guaranteed, the job that you are doing now is a very far cry from your dream job as a child. You know, when you are in the second grade and your teacher asks you what you want to be.
The most popular answer to this one is I want to be a teacher, or a policeman or a fireman.
I will take you through the life story of my dream jobs from the second grade all the way to where I am now because i also often ask myself: How in the name of F##K did you pick.
In primary school (Grade 1 to Standard 5) [or Grade 7 for the difficult Americans among us]: During this time I desperately wanted to be a game ranger [or a park warden for the difficult Americans among us]. I have always had a love for animals and nature and people find it completely weird that a dog who will bite the ass off any person who resembles a stranger will come up to me very calmly and look for attention. Even if i have met this dog for the first time. But being a game ranger is a far cry from interacting with dogs, because in the African wild you are likely to interact with Elephants, Lions, Leopards, Rhino's and Buffalo's [otherwise known as the Big 5]. This to me seemed idealistic and the fact that you would live on the Savannah away from people and traffic and idiot taxi drivers, and bastard BMW drivers really appealed to me. So in my formative years, all I wanted to be was a game ranger.
In high school (Standard 6 - Matric) [or Grade 8 - Grade 12 for the difficult Americans among us]: I still carried this dream with me all the way to high school until a little thing named rugby came along which would play a huge role in my life. During high school I lived and breathed rugby. I wrote about rugby, watched rugby, played rugby, slept rugby. Damn the only thing I never did to rugby was eat it. At the time there was a rugby commentator, who turned out to be quite a legend, who was very famous for his mistakes while broadcasting. I knew from an early age that I knew more about the game then these idiots who were given creative license to broadcast crap on TV and so, I wanted to be a journalist.
In University (First Year until I finally graduated) [I don't even know what the difficult Americans call this]: I still carried my dreams of being a journalist. But because I came from a fairly conservative home and a private catholic school I was not the biggest drinker during my mid teens. Wow did this change in University, alcohol and woman were the order of the day so during University I still wanted to be a sports journalist, but at the same time I wanted to be the liquored up version of Hugh Hefner!
BUT.... There was a little matter of a television show named CSI which piqued my interest into being a forensic investigator. Don't get me wrong, I have never, ever wanted to be a pig (which is different from a forensic investigator). Although I deem this a very noble profession, this reluctance stems from the total disrespect that the public in general has for pigs!
I include an excerpt from Beverly Hills Cop II:
Axel Foley – Hey man where you been I have been waiting here 30 minutes for you
Man 1 – Sorry Axel I had to pick up my cousin
Axel (referring to the cousin) – Why you got to bring the cops up in here?
Man 1 (looking at his cousin) – He aint no cop
Axel (talking to the cousin) – Hey man take off your glasses
Cousin takes off his sunglasses
Axel – I thought it was you man! You a f##king cop!
Man 1 – He aint no cop Axel!
Axel (to man 1) – That's Dirty Harry himself man! This man is a pig, I used to be a Muslim and I know the smell of pork when its around (sniffs air) yes that's pork he is definitely a pig!
And of course we end off the post with my favorite pig basher! Ali G
Today, as i was sitting in a conference which was so boring that it literally aged me ten years, I came up with at least 20 better things that i could be doing with my life at that particular juncture.
Guaranteed, the job that you are doing now is a very far cry from your dream job as a child. You know, when you are in the second grade and your teacher asks you what you want to be.
The most popular answer to this one is I want to be a teacher, or a policeman or a fireman.
I will take you through the life story of my dream jobs from the second grade all the way to where I am now because i also often ask myself: How in the name of F##K did you pick.
In primary school (Grade 1 to Standard 5) [or Grade 7 for the difficult Americans among us]: During this time I desperately wanted to be a game ranger [or a park warden for the difficult Americans among us]. I have always had a love for animals and nature and people find it completely weird that a dog who will bite the ass off any person who resembles a stranger will come up to me very calmly and look for attention. Even if i have met this dog for the first time. But being a game ranger is a far cry from interacting with dogs, because in the African wild you are likely to interact with Elephants, Lions, Leopards, Rhino's and Buffalo's [otherwise known as the Big 5]. This to me seemed idealistic and the fact that you would live on the Savannah away from people and traffic and idiot taxi drivers, and bastard BMW drivers really appealed to me. So in my formative years, all I wanted to be was a game ranger.
In high school (Standard 6 - Matric) [or Grade 8 - Grade 12 for the difficult Americans among us]: I still carried this dream with me all the way to high school until a little thing named rugby came along which would play a huge role in my life. During high school I lived and breathed rugby. I wrote about rugby, watched rugby, played rugby, slept rugby. Damn the only thing I never did to rugby was eat it. At the time there was a rugby commentator, who turned out to be quite a legend, who was very famous for his mistakes while broadcasting. I knew from an early age that I knew more about the game then these idiots who were given creative license to broadcast crap on TV and so, I wanted to be a journalist.
In University (First Year until I finally graduated) [I don't even know what the difficult Americans call this]: I still carried my dreams of being a journalist. But because I came from a fairly conservative home and a private catholic school I was not the biggest drinker during my mid teens. Wow did this change in University, alcohol and woman were the order of the day so during University I still wanted to be a sports journalist, but at the same time I wanted to be the liquored up version of Hugh Hefner!
BUT.... There was a little matter of a television show named CSI which piqued my interest into being a forensic investigator. Don't get me wrong, I have never, ever wanted to be a pig (which is different from a forensic investigator). Although I deem this a very noble profession, this reluctance stems from the total disrespect that the public in general has for pigs!
I include an excerpt from Beverly Hills Cop II:
Axel Foley – Hey man where you been I have been waiting here 30 minutes for you
Man 1 – Sorry Axel I had to pick up my cousin
Axel (referring to the cousin) – Why you got to bring the cops up in here?
Man 1 (looking at his cousin) – He aint no cop
Axel (talking to the cousin) – Hey man take off your glasses
Cousin takes off his sunglasses
Axel – I thought it was you man! You a f##king cop!
Man 1 – He aint no cop Axel!
Axel (to man 1) – That's Dirty Harry himself man! This man is a pig, I used to be a Muslim and I know the smell of pork when its around (sniffs air) yes that's pork he is definitely a pig!
And of course we end off the post with my favorite pig basher! Ali G
Thursday, May 19, 2011
The End of Days is Nigh!
You heard it here people! Saturday the 21st of May is Judgment Day! Armageddon! The End of the World!
I cant say that you have heard it here first, because it has been all over the internet, radio, television, billboard signage's on freeways, almost every medium that people would access information have these warnings about them!
WHAT A LOAD OF CRAP! HONESTLY!
| R.E.M. - It's The End Of The World As We Know It .mp3 | ||
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 | Found at bee mp3 search engine |  |
Ever since the dawn of time people have been predicting the end of the world. In fact every generation lays claim to be the generation which will see the End of Days! And when the predicted date passes like any other day, all that happens is that normal people laugh at these doomsday prophets and spit in their faces!
There have been very few truly global doomsday prophets, but those that spring to mind (in order of appearance as they say in the movies) are Noah, the Mayans, Nostradamus, and the dude who started the whole Y2K story.
And only one of these people was right [in a way], which was Noah. Nostradamus said that the world would end in 1995 and now 11 years later we laugh at him, the dude who started the Y2K doomsday story said that come midnight on 31 December 1999 the whole world would be infected by a computer virus which would plunge the world back into the dark ages. which would lead to end of days, as we speak I am writing this blog post from my computer at my desk in an office which is run by computers.
Looking at the rationale behind the current crop of doomsday prophets, they claim to have calculated the date of the end of the world from descriptions in the Bible.
The Bible!
Now is this the same Bible which says that the Day of Judgment will come like a thief in the night? I'm not to sure what country the Doomsday Prophets live in...but where I come from, Deperado's don't leave me a note saying: Dear Shalafain, The Lion of Lebanon. On Saturday the 21st of May at 23:00 hours four gentlemen dressed in balaclava's are going to break into your residence to steal your shit! Please be at home, preferably asleep in your bed! If this was the case I wouldn't need to sleep with my baseball bat within reach and a panga under my pillow!
Is this the same Bible which says that Jesus proclaimed not only to his disciples, but to crowds and crowds of people that you do not know the day or the hour by which Gods judgment will come.
Sadder yet, is that there are people (no doubt followers of these crackhead prophets) who believe this shit! There are people at Casio's around the world as we speak! In Las Vegas, Monte Carlo, Maccau and Sun City sitting at the Roulette, Black Jack or Crap tables with the house mortgage, car license papers, life insurance money, inheritance money and putting this on the tables because hey, who gives a shit, its the End of Days! Come Sunday the 22nd these people will be homeless, car-less, and penny-less with quite literally just the clothes on their back to their name!
Aggggggg! For F##K SAKES! I just realised that this means that Manchester United wont have the opportunity to beat Barcelona on the 28th of May
What would you do on the last day? The End of Days, if you knew deep down inside that it was coming?
PS: It seems that Freddy Kruger was more scary in the 1980s then Freddy Mercury. I thought that there would be one or two votes saying that Freddy Mercury was Freddy Kruger! But anyway: Today we have a new poll concerning pop icon Adele.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Conversations at the gym
I love going to the gym, not only because I like to take care of myself and build muscle, but also because you get some extremely funny characters in the gym.
Especially in the south of Johannesburg. A normal topic of conversation is football, although I was not the best football player in the world, and it is not my number one supported sport, I do follow the game and favor the red half of Manchester.The majority of the enthusiasts at the gym like me favor the Red Devils, however there are the occasional Liverpool supporters, and because they are outnumbered, they are very vocal.
And I don't know if it is just me, but the Liverpool supporters are the biggest bunch of sour bastards in the world. Ok fine, this season they have a right to be because Manchester United have finally become the most successful team in England after passing Liverpool's record of 19 league titles. But in general they are just sour. Instead of congratulating another team on a fantastic win, they will bitch and moan.
I provide an excerpt of a conversation between me and a certain Mr H over a few tricep pull downs at the gym last night. Mr H is a huge Liverpool fan.
Me: Evening Mr H, did you watch any of the football this weekend?
Mr H: F##king Blackburn Rovers should be f##king banned from the league for life. Saturday's result was a f##king disgrace.
Me: Easy Mr H!
Mr H: F##k easy, your team just overtook my team as the most successful team in England all because Rovers took a cheaque to f##king fall apart in the second half for the point.
At this point Mr Wolf comes into the conversation who is quite possibly the biggest United fan at the gym. I am purposely leaving out names in this post because I don't want the whole gym after me like the Yanks went after Bin Laden.
Mr Wolf: F##KING HELL H, you are just sore because your team hasn't won anything since Istanbul 2005. Come the end of the month we will be not only champions of England but champions of Europe too!
Mr H: Are you sure about that Wolf?
Me: So sure that he has put the house on the result.
Mr H: So come Sunday the 29th Ill be pulling into the gym parking lot seeing Wolf sleeping in his car! Shame!
Wolf: Perhaps some rich bitch will find me, take pity on me, and offer to take me into her mansion on the hill here!
As we are about to move onto our next exercises, one of the biggest bullshitters in the South moves into the machine next to us and proclaims.
"Geez you people can talk shit! But I dont come here to train I come for the bints. Look at that Thai girl over there. If my wife had assets like hers I wouldn't be going out at nights!"
The south is the best place in the world to gym!
Especially in the south of Johannesburg. A normal topic of conversation is football, although I was not the best football player in the world, and it is not my number one supported sport, I do follow the game and favor the red half of Manchester.The majority of the enthusiasts at the gym like me favor the Red Devils, however there are the occasional Liverpool supporters, and because they are outnumbered, they are very vocal.
And I don't know if it is just me, but the Liverpool supporters are the biggest bunch of sour bastards in the world. Ok fine, this season they have a right to be because Manchester United have finally become the most successful team in England after passing Liverpool's record of 19 league titles. But in general they are just sour. Instead of congratulating another team on a fantastic win, they will bitch and moan.
I provide an excerpt of a conversation between me and a certain Mr H over a few tricep pull downs at the gym last night. Mr H is a huge Liverpool fan.
Me: Evening Mr H, did you watch any of the football this weekend?
Mr H: F##king Blackburn Rovers should be f##king banned from the league for life. Saturday's result was a f##king disgrace.
Me: Easy Mr H!
Mr H: F##k easy, your team just overtook my team as the most successful team in England all because Rovers took a cheaque to f##king fall apart in the second half for the point.
At this point Mr Wolf comes into the conversation who is quite possibly the biggest United fan at the gym. I am purposely leaving out names in this post because I don't want the whole gym after me like the Yanks went after Bin Laden.
Mr Wolf: F##KING HELL H, you are just sore because your team hasn't won anything since Istanbul 2005. Come the end of the month we will be not only champions of England but champions of Europe too!
Mr H: Are you sure about that Wolf?
Me: So sure that he has put the house on the result.
Mr H: So come Sunday the 29th Ill be pulling into the gym parking lot seeing Wolf sleeping in his car! Shame!
Wolf: Perhaps some rich bitch will find me, take pity on me, and offer to take me into her mansion on the hill here!
As we are about to move onto our next exercises, one of the biggest bullshitters in the South moves into the machine next to us and proclaims.
"Geez you people can talk shit! But I dont come here to train I come for the bints. Look at that Thai girl over there. If my wife had assets like hers I wouldn't be going out at nights!"
The south is the best place in the world to gym!
Monday, May 16, 2011
Lucky Luke and Durban July Winners
Marhaba.
There is a saying Ladies and Gentlemen which goes: Horse Racing is a game of Kings and C##ts, the Kings own the horses and the c##ts put money on the horses.
This might sound like a very crass description of a beautiful sport, but any person who knows a thing or two about the game will know that although crass, it is the best description available.
However, this does not deter people from frequenting the track and if I had just one Rand from every single member of the South African Lebanese community who have told me this saying, Id be writing this post from a villa in Belize as opposed to my 4 M x 2 M partitioned off desk in Bedfordview Johannesburg.
Just to tell you how unpredictable this whole game is, my best mate and myself attended Champions Day at the Turffontien Race Course, known popularly to the South African Lebanese community purely as 'The Course', and we liked a few horses in a few races. I am a firm beleiver in the philosophy of life that if you believe in a saying live by it, and I truly believe in the description of the racing game which I gave in the opening paragraph of this post so I never placed so much as a cent on any of the races.
Anyway, we digress. Prior to making our grand entrance at 'The Course' my mate Micheal marked his form guide as to who he liked on the day. In the fifth he fancied a horse by the name of Shea Shea.
Standing at the parade ring just before the fifth race of the day where the horses are paraded before the public prior to their athletic abilities being put to the test, much like the sharmootos in Holland are paraded before the public before their athletic abilities are put to the test, Michael reaffirmed his like for Shea Shea, but asked me what I thought of Val De Ra, What a Winter and Magico.
I wont profess that I am an expert in racing, but I am by no means a mug. I know my fair share about the game and suggested that I cant pick between the four and that the best bet would be a quartet. The horses went down to their markers and the four horses we liked came in.
Neither of us placed the said quartet bet and when the payout result came up on the big screen we worked out that if we had put R100 wins on the said quartet we would have won R7 000! But guaranteed that if I had put a cent on that quartet it would never have arrived.
Another big winner on the day was a filly by the name of Igugu who on the day completed the third leg of the Triple Crown making her one of the best horses, if not the best horse, in the country. It was announced straight after the race that Igugu is being primed for the Durban July. At this news a few of the punters at 'The Course' suggested that it would be race over and that Igugu cant possibly loose the race, but while talking with one of the biggest bullshitting Lebs in the south of Johannesburg last night by his reckoning Igugu will proverbially 'die in the plants' at the final turn at Greyville Race Course come July 2.
Now if I had a single Rand for every time this particular individual told me that his favorite would win a race, not only would I be able to afford a villa in Belize, but also in Cozumel, Nassau and Majorca Spain.
I have always had a fascination with racing. I can remember joining Michael at the course when Horse Chesnut won his Triple Crown, when Pocket Power crushed all hope within the Lebanese community and when the same Lebanese people almost caused a riot at 'The Course' when Wolfs Whistle had a race taken away from him because of an objection.
I also have fond memories of my grandfather telling me about the exploits of July winners Sea Cottage and Tiger Fish and about the epic battle between American racers War Admiral and Sea Biscuit. But by far my fondest memory was attending the 2006 Dubai World Cup where I saw Electrocutionist come from behind on the sand at Nad Al Sheba to record a famous victory.
At the end of the day, the words of Michael's brother Daniel ring very true. After the bullshitter tried to con me into thinking that his horse was going to win this years July Handicap, Daniel said the only way to pick a winner in racing is to look at the horses in the parade ring, watch them go down to the start and then place your bet. But at the end of the day, its all down to luck.
There is a saying Ladies and Gentlemen which goes: Horse Racing is a game of Kings and C##ts, the Kings own the horses and the c##ts put money on the horses.
This might sound like a very crass description of a beautiful sport, but any person who knows a thing or two about the game will know that although crass, it is the best description available.
However, this does not deter people from frequenting the track and if I had just one Rand from every single member of the South African Lebanese community who have told me this saying, Id be writing this post from a villa in Belize as opposed to my 4 M x 2 M partitioned off desk in Bedfordview Johannesburg.
Just to tell you how unpredictable this whole game is, my best mate and myself attended Champions Day at the Turffontien Race Course, known popularly to the South African Lebanese community purely as 'The Course', and we liked a few horses in a few races. I am a firm beleiver in the philosophy of life that if you believe in a saying live by it, and I truly believe in the description of the racing game which I gave in the opening paragraph of this post so I never placed so much as a cent on any of the races.
Anyway, we digress. Prior to making our grand entrance at 'The Course' my mate Micheal marked his form guide as to who he liked on the day. In the fifth he fancied a horse by the name of Shea Shea.
Standing at the parade ring just before the fifth race of the day where the horses are paraded before the public prior to their athletic abilities being put to the test, much like the sharmootos in Holland are paraded before the public before their athletic abilities are put to the test, Michael reaffirmed his like for Shea Shea, but asked me what I thought of Val De Ra, What a Winter and Magico.
I wont profess that I am an expert in racing, but I am by no means a mug. I know my fair share about the game and suggested that I cant pick between the four and that the best bet would be a quartet. The horses went down to their markers and the four horses we liked came in.
Neither of us placed the said quartet bet and when the payout result came up on the big screen we worked out that if we had put R100 wins on the said quartet we would have won R7 000! But guaranteed that if I had put a cent on that quartet it would never have arrived.
Another big winner on the day was a filly by the name of Igugu who on the day completed the third leg of the Triple Crown making her one of the best horses, if not the best horse, in the country. It was announced straight after the race that Igugu is being primed for the Durban July. At this news a few of the punters at 'The Course' suggested that it would be race over and that Igugu cant possibly loose the race, but while talking with one of the biggest bullshitting Lebs in the south of Johannesburg last night by his reckoning Igugu will proverbially 'die in the plants' at the final turn at Greyville Race Course come July 2.
Now if I had a single Rand for every time this particular individual told me that his favorite would win a race, not only would I be able to afford a villa in Belize, but also in Cozumel, Nassau and Majorca Spain.
I have always had a fascination with racing. I can remember joining Michael at the course when Horse Chesnut won his Triple Crown, when Pocket Power crushed all hope within the Lebanese community and when the same Lebanese people almost caused a riot at 'The Course' when Wolfs Whistle had a race taken away from him because of an objection.
I also have fond memories of my grandfather telling me about the exploits of July winners Sea Cottage and Tiger Fish and about the epic battle between American racers War Admiral and Sea Biscuit. But by far my fondest memory was attending the 2006 Dubai World Cup where I saw Electrocutionist come from behind on the sand at Nad Al Sheba to record a famous victory.
At the end of the day, the words of Michael's brother Daniel ring very true. After the bullshitter tried to con me into thinking that his horse was going to win this years July Handicap, Daniel said the only way to pick a winner in racing is to look at the horses in the parade ring, watch them go down to the start and then place your bet. But at the end of the day, its all down to luck.
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Swagger of a champion
So, as I said in my previous post...by all accounts it was a good training session last night.It was so good that I walked out of the gym feeling like a million dollars. Like I good take on the world. Its only every now and then when I feel like I trained like a prize fighter and last night I felt like I could take on the world.
I must be the only person in the world who feels like this when they are sober.
I really enjoy my sports. I am a serious rugby man and a fan of cricket, boxing, and athletics.
But one sport I am REALLY fond of is wrestling. Yes I know......it is not actually sport because some of the stuff in the ring is scripted. It is more like sports entertainment. But I love it!
We only really started getting it here in South Africa at about Wrestle Mania V or VI, I am not sure, but from then I was hooked. And I would sit as a youngster seeing the Undertaker walk along the top rope before strong-arming an opponent on his AC joint, see Razor Ramon giver people the Razors edge. And just when you thought that Wrestling achieved all it could, along came the Texas Rattle Snake Stone Cold Steve Austen and The Rock.MAN ALIVE! I'm getting goose bumps just sitting here thinking about this.
And we would wait in anticipation for the day when these giants would come to South Africa. And they did, a few times actually. I went to one performance in 1996 at the Johannesburg Stadium where I sat right at the back where the 7ft tall wrestlers in the ring look like ants!
This time is different! I won the last tickets off a radio call in show so I had to sit where I wont the tickets. I was 16 at the time and not working. Now I am and the WWE is coming to SA in July! Myself and my mate and his brother have already booked our tickets. We seriously forked out the cash with this one and are sitting virtually at ringside!
I cant wait! Not only can I look forward to a business trip to my favorite place in the world in June, Zambia, but I can now also look forward to seeing some of my favorite sports personalities up close and personal in July! The pics here are off the net. But I will take my own at the stadium on the day!
Pity it will be a bit to cold to wear my wife beater vest!
Laws of attraction
People!So as you all know by know, I am single again, and am trying to remedy this by going to gym and training until i fall over from exhaustion in an attempt to sort my shit out.
Because lets be honest, this whole yarn that gets spun to you in the media about loving a person for their personality really deals with the essence of a relationship once you are in one and not the honeymoon period when you dala yourself into a corner. In essence it is admirable, but has no bearing whatsoever for the initial stages of attraction.
Aira! The last thing I am thinking about when a see a girl with a nice ass, or a good asset portfolio, is her personality! Believe me, I am not likely to take a bite of her personality, but I am likely to take a bite of that ass within the first three months of our attraction.
And now I know all of the female audience will sit back and say: EEEEEUUUUUWWWWW! How can he say this? Its degrading to women! SIS! But cut the bull shit please. When you see a male that you like who is built to kill, you are not going to say: Gosh his personality is awesome! You think exactly the same things as me. The difference is I verbalize it, you people don't!
Another part of me being single, which is actually a bit pathetic really, is the fact that i build defensive walls which prevents people from getting in. And there is this girl at the gym which to me is the fittest thing out. And I have been building up the courage to talk to her, but every time i want to I stop myself. Two weeks ago I actually did speak to her and now we talk at the gym all the time. So progress is being made.
I give you an excerpt of a converstation between me and my mate Just-in explaining why in his words: "Im comming well" I do ask a question afterward and would like some feedback from the female audiance of mine.
Me: JUST-IN! Hows it boy?
Just-in: Nice Jon! Nice! I see you coming well with that bint boy.
Me: Surprisingly enough yes.
Just-In:Do you know why boy?
Me: No Just-In, tell me.
Just-In: Its because you are clean shaven boy.
Now the question is: Does being clean shaven or not affect the way women look at you? Bearing in mind what I said above about the laws of attracting and biting asses and all. Please people. PLEASE give me some feedback in the comment section. I am missing my goatee terribly but am willing to make this sacrifice if the ends justify the means if you catch my drift.
Also please vote on the online poll section to the right of your screen. I have noticed that I am to serious, so in an attempt to brighten the f##k up I have included this online poll element which will be very off the cuff and humorous.
PLEASE COMMENT! PLEASE COMMENT! PLEASE COMMENT!
Shookran in advance!
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Victory on the war of Terror?
Marhaba.
I woke up yesterday morning to the news that the worlds most wanted man, Osama Bin Laden, was killed by the Americans in a gun battle in Pakistan on Sunday night.
This after ten years of hunting the man down. Apart from the fact that he caused the death of millions with the 9/11 attacks, he became the second person after the Archduke of Ferdinand to single handedly cause a war.
However, there are some doubts as to whether Bin Laden is actually dead, and when the facts are presented before me, I to have my doubts.
Firstly, the US Government is refusing to release pictures of a dead Bin Laden unless they are COMPELLED to do so. This is a bit dodgy because when I think back to when the Americans executed Saddam Hussein in 2006, they were quick to release pictures of a dead Hussein hanging by the noose from which he was executed. At the time Hussein was only America's fourth most wanted man, so now if the US were only to happy to release pictures of the execution of the nations fourth most wanted man why not release pictures of the nations most wanted man?
Secondly, burial at sea. I mean why? The Americans say it is because they did not have the time to bury the man according to Muslim tradition between the 24 hour period after his actual death and they did not want to bury him on land where the Muslim world will make a shrine at his site and make Bin Laden to be a martyr. But the thing about burying a person at sea is that there are so few witnesses that people will naturally have the doubts which I am presenting above.
What the death of Bin Laden does show is that America has scant regard or respect for the Muslim religion.
The US found Hussein holding out in a bunker near his home town of Tikrit in 2003. He was captured and sent to the US where he stood trial for terrorism against the US. He was found guilty not long after his trial began and all went quiet for three years, until on the morning of Eid al-Adha which is supposed to be a day of celebration for Muslims around the world where they are are supposed to show acts of humanity and goodwill. Why the Americans chose to execute Hussein of the feast of Eid al-Adha when they could have executed him on any other day, no one knows.
The intended message that this was supposed to send to send a message to the Arab world that the US deals harshly with terrorists, but the real message that it sent was the US saying F##K YOU we have no respect for you or your customs.
It would be safe to assume that every decent human being has the right to a proper respectful burial in the country of their birth. Be it through burial in the ground or cremation (depending on your religious beliefs). According to Muslim law, the body of a person who has died must be buried within 24 hours of its death, this burial must be in the ground because the Muslims follow the same law as the Catholics: Remember man you have come from DUST and onto DUST you shall return.
Again the fact that the Americans dumped Bin Laden's body at sea once again screams of the fact that the US have no respect whatsoever for Muslim culture or tradition.
And then the US wants to know why most of the known world dislikes them! Especially the Arabs. Again, on the weekend a NATO air strike targeted a compound where it was believed Libyan leader Muammar Gaddafi would be hiding. Gaddafi was not there but in the strike one of Gaddafi's sons and three of his grandchildren where killed.
The son that died in the air strike was did not follow the family tradition of going into politics and had no bearing on the political landscape in Libya, so why target him? Also, why kill the grandchildren?
Again, this shows lack of respect from the part of NATO which has a SIGNIFICANT American influence. In this day and age, you cant just go after a persons family if you cant get the person itself. Is that in itself not terrorism?
I woke up yesterday morning to the news that the worlds most wanted man, Osama Bin Laden, was killed by the Americans in a gun battle in Pakistan on Sunday night.
This after ten years of hunting the man down. Apart from the fact that he caused the death of millions with the 9/11 attacks, he became the second person after the Archduke of Ferdinand to single handedly cause a war.
However, there are some doubts as to whether Bin Laden is actually dead, and when the facts are presented before me, I to have my doubts.
Firstly, the US Government is refusing to release pictures of a dead Bin Laden unless they are COMPELLED to do so. This is a bit dodgy because when I think back to when the Americans executed Saddam Hussein in 2006, they were quick to release pictures of a dead Hussein hanging by the noose from which he was executed. At the time Hussein was only America's fourth most wanted man, so now if the US were only to happy to release pictures of the execution of the nations fourth most wanted man why not release pictures of the nations most wanted man?
Secondly, burial at sea. I mean why? The Americans say it is because they did not have the time to bury the man according to Muslim tradition between the 24 hour period after his actual death and they did not want to bury him on land where the Muslim world will make a shrine at his site and make Bin Laden to be a martyr. But the thing about burying a person at sea is that there are so few witnesses that people will naturally have the doubts which I am presenting above.
What the death of Bin Laden does show is that America has scant regard or respect for the Muslim religion.
The US found Hussein holding out in a bunker near his home town of Tikrit in 2003. He was captured and sent to the US where he stood trial for terrorism against the US. He was found guilty not long after his trial began and all went quiet for three years, until on the morning of Eid al-Adha which is supposed to be a day of celebration for Muslims around the world where they are are supposed to show acts of humanity and goodwill. Why the Americans chose to execute Hussein of the feast of Eid al-Adha when they could have executed him on any other day, no one knows.
The intended message that this was supposed to send to send a message to the Arab world that the US deals harshly with terrorists, but the real message that it sent was the US saying F##K YOU we have no respect for you or your customs.
It would be safe to assume that every decent human being has the right to a proper respectful burial in the country of their birth. Be it through burial in the ground or cremation (depending on your religious beliefs). According to Muslim law, the body of a person who has died must be buried within 24 hours of its death, this burial must be in the ground because the Muslims follow the same law as the Catholics: Remember man you have come from DUST and onto DUST you shall return.
Again the fact that the Americans dumped Bin Laden's body at sea once again screams of the fact that the US have no respect whatsoever for Muslim culture or tradition.
And then the US wants to know why most of the known world dislikes them! Especially the Arabs. Again, on the weekend a NATO air strike targeted a compound where it was believed Libyan leader Muammar Gaddafi would be hiding. Gaddafi was not there but in the strike one of Gaddafi's sons and three of his grandchildren where killed.
The son that died in the air strike was did not follow the family tradition of going into politics and had no bearing on the political landscape in Libya, so why target him? Also, why kill the grandchildren?
Again, this shows lack of respect from the part of NATO which has a SIGNIFICANT American influence. In this day and age, you cant just go after a persons family if you cant get the person itself. Is that in itself not terrorism?
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