Salamu
Every person has to have a code which they live by. It
defines them. It makes them who they are. It forms the basis upon which you
make decisions and approach relationships and friendships.
One of the things I do not do is judge people. That is part
of my code. I feel that I cannot judge a person until I have walked a mile in
their shoes. Experienced their problems; faced their difficulties. One of the
things I have been doing, in between being mad busy at work, is that I have
been watching a series on YouTube called: The
Worlds Strictest Parents. Basically the show takes rebellious teenagers who
are running rampant in their homes and sends them off to strict parents in
other countries where they learn about things such as respect and discipline.
I don’t know if I made a conscious decision to watch this a
week after the video of the Glenvista High School pupil assaulting a teacher
was put up, but me watching this show coincided with that. The first few
episodes were really of these little shits who have no respect, at the end they
learn respect and the fact that the parents didn’t have to beat it into them is
really a testament to them, because I would have beat the shit out of two of
the kids…and I am quite patient if I need to be.
But the second episode in the first series of the British
version really hit home with me. The boy…Sam came
from a home in the UK where
his dad left the family. This obviously caused a lot of resentment in the family
and Sam rebelled. He also turned his back on his faith. 
During his time in Jamaica (where the pair of kids was sent
to live with stricter parents) Sam went through a lot of conflicting emotions,
he does visibly have the potential to be a better student and person that he
is, but his resentment towards his father stops him from realising this. Why am
I pointing this out? Because while the people in Jamaica could not realise that
this was the problem, I could.
I never had the best relationship with my father, although
mine never walked out on the family when I was grown up. He wasn’t a part of
the family for 13 years. And when he came back into the family, he tried to
break down the whole value system which I knew to try and impose his own morals
and value system. I didn’t rebel like a typical teenager does, but I had a lot
of conflicts with my father.
It is a struggle, and until you have experienced something
similar, you simply cannot judge the person who is going through it. You
cannot; especially if they are a teenager. You see, at his age, Sam is starting
to move away from being a child into being a man. Here he will have his own
value system, which includes his own elements as well as elements given to him
by his family. In order to do this, he will need support. And while a mother’s
love is great, a MAN needs the approval of another MAN when they are making
that transition. Sam has the potential to be a great person, but he now has to
battle with these feelings of him being a failure because his father left his
family. There is nothing worse than that rejection. It can be the worst pain
you will ever feel in your life.
Dealing with this can also be a problem. You can either make
the decision to just simply give up, or you can make the decision to change.
Sam wants to be the best he can be, but he doesn’t know how to channel his
energy positively. At the end of the episode, his Jamaican family take him to a
friend of theirs. This friend is only two years older than Sam, and his father
also walked out on his family. Unlike Sam who is the youngest, this boy is
clearly the oldest and had to get a job to support his five siblings. And he
does so with a smile of his face, a smile that only the presence of God can
give a person.
You know, once when my dad and I were having one of our
famous battles, he asked me what he has to do to get me to love and respect
him. And the answer is really simple. As in really really simple. A dad doesn’t
have to give his son money, or shower him with gifts like cars and watches. All
he has to do is be around, give his son love, and just to respect his
boundaries when he is trying to become a man. The worst thing you can do as a
father is up and leave your son with responsibilities he is not ready for.
Although my dad didn’t, he passed away which left me with responsibilities to
my mom and brother.
A bit of respect for your kids boundaries will go a long way
in earning their respect and love back. As much as parents think that they are entitled
to love and respect, the hard fact of life is that you are not entitled
to shit in life. Respect is never given, it is earned. This is one of
the biggest and harshest realities of life.
I say it is a harsh reality because in an ideal world,
feelings such as love and aspects such as respect honor and trust would be
freely given. But unfortunately we don’t live in an ideal world. If people
could mature into adulthood with this thought in their minds, it wouldn’t be a
harsh reality.
Entitlement is something that died with the English lords when
Henry VIII was being his blasphemous self. This is a key lesson you need to
teach your kids. And what better way to do it than to respect them first?
Mei jua daima kuwa kabla yenu, na vivuli nyuma yako!
