Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Have a laugh dammit!

Humor is a very subjective thing. Something that will make one person laugh will not even crack a smile on another.

I love my slapstick comedy. American humor where there is alot of swearing and cussing. i mean you dont need to be a rocket scientist to get American humour.

Yet Brittish humour is very populor becsause of its wit and intellegence. But please! i dont want to need to think to laugh! F##k off with that! My whole family are fans of British humor and think I am on drugs because I dont like the Black Adder or Monty Python. But I am sorry, I just cant stand Rowen Atkinson!

Found this absolute gem of a Chopper Read peice



Yes Yes I know...I love Chopper Read! Get over it!

Because my ancesters came from Lebanon, and I lived in Duabi for 2 years, I find Arabic culture interesting and people making fun of it the best people in the world. I have already profiled the Tabbouleh Song by Go Rhemy which is still no my blog somewhere.

He has done a number of songs ragging the shit out of Arabic culture. Below is him ripping off the fact that Saudis love Audies.



and then here is a song that was oirigionaly done by a certain Mss Taylor Swift, whoever the f##k she is, that was redone and parodies by Go Rhemy:



And then this gem from Bernie Mac, may his soul rest in peace. This peice says it all.

Bernie Mac - My Sisters Kids. Watch more top selected videos about: Bernie Mac


Although I like to portray myself as this gangster boy who is 'down with the homies' I have never fired a weapon in my life. Well, next friday myself and a work college are going to remedy that! For R150 we get to shoot the shit out of targets for an hour with hand gunds (pistols, revolvers), rifles and shotguns! CANT WAIT! pictures will be taken and put up on this blog!

Friday, September 9, 2011

Chopper Reid!

Salamu.

So i have a new neighbour at work and she is bladdy tops! Friendly and a wicked sense of humor.

she had never seen Chopper Reid before or even knew of him...so i gave her the basic background of the bloke and directed her to You Tube where she was in stiches on the floor after watching Chopper do his take on airport security.

I have missed Chopper because at my last job the bloddy brass blocked You tube and didnt promote watching videos while at work. No I didnt actually work at a Salt Mine at Carthage...I actually worked at a media company in JHB!

anyway...I was pretty stoked that I got my current job, which is Senior Sports Journalist for a daily newspaper. I aced the interview and the mini test they gave me at the interview.

Just as well I didnt bladdy watch this before:



I know right! BLADDY MARVELOUS! BLADDY TOPS! I love Chopper. This is one of his better skits alnong with:



AND:



One more for the road

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Unpacking why the IT world is dominated by Asians

Salamu.

I consider myself a man of the world because of my wide travel experience and interactions with other cultures. Particularly African cultures.

Because of this, not much surprises me. I won’t say that I have seen it all, but I have seen enough to not be surprised by shit.

But there is one thing which surprises me, perplexes me even. Why is every individual that works in IT Asian. Guaranteed they are either Chinese, Indian or Pakistani. This is unless you go to Dubai where the Chinese, Indians and Pakistani’s are the hard laborers, but this is a discussion for another day.

I don’t mean this to be racist in any way shape or form, it just surprises me. I put this out on Face Book and it led into the debate about where interests lie.
I asked an Asian friend of mine, who is Chinese, why every IT person is Asian and he replied that it is because they are clever and brilliant and stuff.

Although the Asians are very clever, I also think it has to do with areas of interest. I mean…when is South Africa going to produce its first Chinese cricket player or Indian rugby player? He agreed and then asked when is South Africa going to produce its first white gymnast.

This then sparked off a whole new debate because I told him that this was not possible because, as a rule of thumb, South African women are more athletically built then their Asian counterparts. This dates back to most Afrikaans families having German or Dutch heritage.

Again, I am not being racist or even chauvinistic about this. In my opinion athletically built women are FAR more attractive then these supple Nadia Comaneci types. If you had to put two posteriors in front of me one with a supple Asian like build and another a more athletic build…Ill hit the athletic build ass every single time!

It’s funny how it is hard to break the cycle with this. And Africa has a plethora of different builds. As a rule the Zambians are of medium height and build. The Congolese (from the DRC) are short, the Kenyans are these tall lanky people while the Zimbabweans and the Mozambiquans are medium height but strongly built.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Gutted to the core

Salamu.






Dear people, I greet you this morning feeling gutted! Absolutely gutted.






So I have recently moved down to Durban and there is a radio station in KZN called East Coast Radio which is a half decent radio station if I do say so myself.






There is a competition on ECR every weekday called: The Grand Challenge. Basically it is a 60 second general knowledge quiz where you have to answer 10 questions in the minute. Every morning I listen to these people throw their names away on the challenge getting the easiest things wrong.






So I send in my application to the radio station obviously full of confidence that I will get 10 out 10 and then I get a reply E Mail from them saying that because of the huge volumes I might not be selected for a long time.






This morning I get a call on my drive to work…which is a whole hour, yes I know VOMIT IN MY MOUTH…from ECR saying that I have been selected.






I was ecstatic and phoned all of my people here in Durban to tell them to listen and when the time came I went through the questions before the 60 seconds came up. I was hoping for 10 out of 10 but one or two of the questions were a bit tricky so I thought that 8 or 9 was possible.






I GOT 7! GUTTED LIKE SOMEONE DROVE A STAKE IN MY STOMACH!






APPARENTLY:
- Winston Churchill’s old lady was born in the USA
- Venetian blinds were origionally made in Japan
- And
- Einstein never won a Nobel Prize for his theory of Relativity










Friday, September 2, 2011

The Big Bad Wolf



Salamu.






So the ANC is going to punish Malema. About RUDDY time I say but it is a bit to late.






There are alot of theories making the rounds as to what will happen if Malema gets punished. Its very likely that he will be expeled from the ANC, if the desciplinary committee has their way. and if that is the case then all Malema is going to do is form his own political party and run for the presidancy. Or he wants to dispose of JZ and run for the presidancy...either way he wants to be Cheif!






and I warned all of you on this very blog that this man will be the countrys next president. Why?Not because he is the most educated man (we know he is not) and not because he has good policies (we know he doesnt) itsa because he is charesmatic and plays to the crowd.






But he is giving the crowd empty promises. The sad thing is that they will only realise this to late. Much like the ANC did in 1994.






It just makes my heart very heavy when I see this. Because there are so many other good African leaders out there who are president material, but the Bafoon will win it and he will run this country into the ground!






Hopefully I am wrong and hopefuly if push comes to shove he isnt the next president. This is also up in the air because the older generation of African people (who beleive strongly in respecting ones elders) are a bit pissed off with Malema and the way he is going about things.






But...BUT...the older generation has only got themselvs to blame.






We have all seen this before. Think back to the French Revelution where the poo were promised things by the king and got so fed up when he didnt deliver that they choped his head off. Same in South Africa, the ANC promised HUGE things with the invensiton of BEE but havent delivered. Now the youth, who were supposed to be benefitting from BEE the most, are jobless. You go and try to tell a jobless person to be patient his time will come when he has a wife and four kids to feed. GO AND SEE HOW FAR YOU WILL GET.






When we were young our parents used to tell us the story of the three Little Pigs, and quite honestly I always used to look at my gran when she finished telling me that story and I asked her what drugs she was on. But we are now seeing the same stroy being played out in front of Luthuli House. The question now is...is the house of lies that the ANC mother body built with staw or with stone. Because Malema is the Big Bad Wolf and he will huff and he will puff until he either dies or blows the house down!