You are not alone

There are certain events in history that have a profound affect on people that they can remember precisely where they were when that event occurred.

The first for me was when Lady Diana died. I was in a shopping center with my dad waiting to pick up my mom from work. The day that the World Trade Center was under attack from Al Qaeda I was at university.

The day Michael Jackson died I was asleep in bed. Ok fine it doesn’t sound profound, but the man died at 1:30 in the morning. Normal people are asleep at that time.

That being said my girlfriend contacted me at 1:30 and told me that she was watching the news when she saw it. I still love her, even if she has insomnia.


Michael Jackson - Billie Jean (Official Music Video) - Click here for another funny movie.

What can be said about such a great man? Jackson revolutionised the music industry. He was one of the cow boys I referred to in one of my earlier posts. He made pop what it is.

You know a musician had a profound effect on the industry when artists credit you as an inspiration to their careers. In the rock industry that man was Little Richard, in Pop its Michael Jackson. One of the highest selling artists of modern times, Puff Daddy…or is it P Diddy…. Or is it Diddy, said that Jackson made the music come alive. Like you could actually see and feel the beat instead of just listening to it.

Jackson grew up in a huge family where he was the youngest son. His old man was really obsessed with his kids taking advantage of opportunities that he never had and he encouraged his kids to make a name for themselves in music. Michael started performing with his older brothers from a young age as part of the Jackson 5. One of the earliest images of Michael was of a 6 year old kid sing ABC and Rocking Robin.

	Micheal Jackson and the Jackson 5 - Rockin' Robin
	Found at bee mp3 search engine

In 1972, at the age of 14 he made his first solo recording, Ben. He then went completely solo in 1980 and was responsible for the highest selling album of all time in Thriller.

I grew up with his music. In the 80’s you couldn’t turn on a radio or a TV without seeing Jackson. I LOVED Jackson. I was, and still am, a HUGE fan. This was to the disgust of my grandfather, who came from the apartheid era.

My earliest memory was going to a party aged 7 and all of the kids dressing up in that leather suit that Jackson wore in his Bad music video.

The thing about Jackson that was amazing was that he wrote most of his own material. and wrote songs that changed lives and peoples perception about music. One of his biggest songs of all time: Billie Jean is still one of the biggest party draw cards in the world.

And one could say he was the protagonist of the music video concept. Thriller was a 15 minute visual specticle that really kicked off music video's.

Thriller - Music Video
Uploaded by dreadcentral. - Full seasons and entire episodes online.

He was relatively quiet in the 1990’s music wise, although he did make headlines for the wrong reasons. He had a significant child molestation case hanging over his head, of which he was acquitted, as well as questions of his mental stability and sexual orientation.

He made a comeback in the 2000’s with new songs that appeared on the history album.

Say what you want to about the man, and you can have any ideas about the mans personal life. The man made good music. And its funny how the best advise about how to change your life came form a man who was ridiculed like he was.

“If you want to make the world a better place take a look at yourself and then make that change.”


There is a huge sadness associated with his death. A sense of emptiness. But I suppose this is what our parents felt when Elvis died.

Rest In Peace Michael. Legends never die.

Lying to the Law

Nobody likes the law. In fact I think it is one of the hardest jobs in the world, behind a gravedigger and an undertaker.

There is just something about the law that brings out the worst in people. Even the staunchest religious person will forget their upbringing to try and dupe the law.

We all know there is a minor matter of the Confederations Cup soccer tournament being played in South Africa at the moment which pits the World Champs, the Hosts of the next FIFA World Cup, and the five Continental champions against each other in a mini soccer world cup before the real makoy a year later. One of the teams participating is Egypt, who are the current African Champions.

The day after their 1-0 win over Italy during the week last week, Egypt reported that a bunch of desperados broke into their rooms and stole money. Because it is a crime against foreigners, the law decided to actually investigate the affair.

What they found out is that it wasn’t a break in by desperados as previously reported, rather an incident for the vice squad. You see, after the win over Italy, the ‘Gypto’s decided to swing from the chandeliers and have a party. And of course, as with all parties, there were a few sharmoots involved, and it was them that stole the money from their rooms.

Now what was a bunch of good Muslim boys doing with hellcats in their rooms? Please note, these are men who are governed by honour, Islam frowns down upon drinking and fornication outside of marriage.

So the team lied to the law in an attempt to keep their honour intact.

But everyone has lied to the law at one stage in their lives. On a trip back to Dubai from Jordan, I tried to sneak an open bottle of Jack Daniels onto the plane to enjoy as ‘in flight refreshment’, predictably, I got pulled over at the X-Ray machine and was given the 3rd degree about the dope. To avoid a fine a spoke in Afrikaans, the Arab cops obviously asked me to speak English and in my best broken English I explained that I never knew the law pertaining to the non carrying on of open liquor onto the plane as in South Africa it is common place to do this. So they let me off with a very aggressive: ‘hallas! Move on! next!”

Of course I know that you can’t take an open bottle of alcohol onto the plane, but that never stopped me from trying.


A work colleague of mine is a bit of a party animal and goes out on the piss at least 3 times a week. On the way home from Manhattan on Friday night she was pulled over and was going to be given a fine for drunk driving, To avoid spending the night in the gabbis, she balled her eyes out and cried a river that her boyfriend had dumped her that evening, and that she has no direction in life and that she hopes the cops arrest her. The cops obviously were a bit nervous of this charade and sat her down and told her that everything is going to be fine, and that she must find Jesus and that she must go home and sleep. Granted, her boyfriend did leave her……… over a month ago.

And its funny how the law works. Its all about how you sell it to them. Ok fine, the Gypto’s got caught out and have some explaining to do when they get home. But can you see the weakness in my story to the law in Jordan about the gamroh, and the weakness in my colleagues story to the law about her boyfriend?

At the end of the day, its always good to try a gambit or two on the law. You’ll probably get out of it.

Vuvuzela’s Vespas and The Deadliest Warrior of All Time

The 2010 FIFA World Cup is going to be a culture shock.

We are only in the Confederations cup and there are already significant concerns about hosting events such as the magnitude of the soccer World Cup in the country. The biggest concern is the park and ride system.

Under FIFA regulations, all access roads within 2 km of the stadium must be sealed off. This means that there is no easy way to get to the stadium. But the South African Rocket Scientists, who are among the best in the world, have come up with a cunning plan to overcome this.

Allow me to introduce you to E-Transi, a shuttle service that takes people from a designated park and ride pick point to the stadium. There are a number of pick up points and a number of busses to get you to the stadium without a hassle. Right? Right? WRONG!!!!!!!!!!

On Tuesday, the 5 times World Champs Brazil were playing the Yanks in a bit of a nothing match at the royal Bafokeng Sport Palace in Rustenburg. Apparently, the Rocket Scientists made such a stuff up off the transport that half of the ticket holding fans only got to the stadium at the end of the first half!

WTF??????????????????????? And then, at the game between Italy and Egypt, played at Ellis Park last night. About 10 000 fans had to wait nearly 2 hours for the bus pick them up to take them back to their cars. 2 hours in the middle of the Ghetto at 10 pm at night!

If that’s not bad enough, the foreigners are complaining about the incessant noise the Vuvuzelas make at the stadium.

Just imagine it from a players point of view. You are used to 40 000 screaming fans in your own country, now you go to a foreign country where the crowd wears balaclavas over their faces, decorated hard hats on their heads, a irritating trumpet and they are carrying dictionaries into the ground!

But I suppose that Hard Hats, Vuvuzela’s and Balaclavas are better then taking a Vespa into the stadium.

At a Champions League game about 5 years ago at the San Siero in Milan, Inter was playing Manchester United, and were getting a hiding of note. About 15 minutes to go until the end of the game a Vespa scooter drops from the top tier of the San Siero onto the field.

Let me repeat that: About 15 minutes to go until the end of the game A VESPA SCOOTER DROPS FROM THE TOP TIER OF THE SAN SIERO ONTO THE FIELD.

How the hell did the Spaghetti’s get the scooter to the top tier in the first place, how did they get it past security, and how did they manage to throw it over the balcony onto the field?

So in South Africa you get dictionary wielding fans wearing a balaclava over their face, a hard hat of their head, and a trumpet in their mouth, in Italy you get a scooter thrown at you!

On my way to PE the other day I got hold of William Faure’s epic series of Shaka Zulu. This pleased me immensely as I grew up watching that and I was, and still am, infatuated with the whole myth surrounding the African Napoleon.

So I was googeling anything and everything related to Shaka and came a across a You Tube video of a simulated fight between Shaka Zulu and William Wallace.

It turns out there are some bored Yanks who have nothing better to do with their lives other then to think who would the most deadliest warriors in the world be, and create a simulated fight between them.

Although I think that this is the best thing out, because I am a fan of random acts of violence, the concept is a bit wrong.

The odds in the battles are really stacked in one particular sides favour. For instance, in the fight between William Wallace and Shaka Zulu, Wallace won. And predictably so. This is because he had superior weapons and was known as a warrior of some prestige. Shaka’s legacy was his military reform to his army. He was never a true warrior himself.

In another simulated battle, they match up a Samurai Warrior with a Viking. Now this is an even match as both had the same style of weapons and a hunger of carnage. However, the Samurai won because the fight took place in a forest. With no snow. So once again the scales were heavily in favour of the Samurai Warrior.

The urban warfare between the Potato Eating IRA and the goat loving Taliban took place in a city, which favors the IRA as opposed to the mountains, which would favour the Taliban.

Where have all the Cowboys gone?

Don’t let the topic confuse you with an earlier posting of mine where I likened South Africa to the Wild West. In that post I suggested that Wild West law and order would be the solution to south Africa’s crime problems.

Where have all the Cowboys gone refers to a call out to the pioneers of an industry. Usually when an industry evolves to the extent that it is neigh unrecognisable then the call for the Cowboys goes out.

One such industry that is in dire need for its Cowboys is the music industry. Don’t get me wrong, there are still some banging tunes out there, but if we look to the state of some of the genres now and where they came from, the industry is somewhat unrecognisable.

One such genre is Rap. Yank comedian Chris Rock argues that in the past you could defend Rap music on an intellectual level, and he has a point. The “John Wayne” of Rap must have been Tupac Shakur. If you look at his song changes, he actually addresses issues of relevance.

“Cops give a damn about a Negro? Pull the trigger, kill the Nigger his a hero!”

I mean there is so much that one can read into that. Now if we take Ludacris’ song move bitch, how can you possibly defend that on an intellectual level?

“Move bitch get out the way, get out the way bitch get out the way!”



The next genre is Rock music. WTF is going on here?

Before Rock music meant something, it moved people, from time to time it was a social commentary to relevant political events. America was pissed of that they were going to fight the Vietcong, Bruce Springsteen wrote and sang: Born in the USA, Iran when completely psycho and tried to ban all rock music, The Clash wrote and recorded: Rock the Kasbah.

I mean once again you can defend all of this on an intellectual level.

I was listening to Bob Seger’s: Hollywood Nights the other day and was really and truly moved by song. A friend that works with me sent me a modern rock song and it made me want to slit my wrists then sends me this song. I mean, why are these people so angry? Music is supposed to be relaxing and about escape.



And then there is Hip Hop and R&B. Seems like the older American population really have a problem with this genre. I suppose its because it because they were around when the genre was pioneered in the 70’s. Anyway, Steve Harvey says that he cant understand why every group cant be like the temptations, with the temptations there was five singers and one microphone, and their whole performance was centered around that one mic. Now every damn singer on the stage has a mic.

My biggest problem about R&B is the material that they choose to sing about. I grew up in the tine of Boyz II Men, who had a hit single with End of the Road and Ill make love to you. Both beautiful songs that took you on a musical journey. Nowdays, all the bastards can sing about is hoes and cheese, and it aint the stuff rats eat.

Fortunately the genre looks like it is going back to its roots, and its thanks to da sistas that are carrying the torch.

The only music genre that had survived, because Reggae is also in a shambles at the moment, is country. But I suppose that can be put down to nobody making a world wide country hit anymore.

Ah man and the Cowboys are still alive and kicking here. Willie Nelson looks like a piece of shit that has been left out in the sun to long but he still makes music.

Without a doubt. Best Country singer of all time: Kenny Rogers.

Not only did he make a hit with: “The Gambler” but he also created that masterpiece “Islands in the Stream”

Me and my girlfriend were looking for “Our Song” as most couples do, and I suggested Islands because it is a great song that is very relevant to our relationship. She was very happy to accept it and proclaimed that it was her mom and dads song as well. Now I’m sorry, if you can make a song that means so much to two generations, you are the man.

Dont rock the boat, its a long swim to shore

There are many things in the world that are unexplained. Like why is there no cure for the common cold, why the tides are governed by lunar forces and not earths rotational axis, or why Michael Jackson ever turned white where he would have made a killing if he stayed black.

But when one looks at the situation objectively, one can see that no matter how much we bitch and moan about the situation nothing will change. So then why rock the boat, it’s a long swim to the shore.

Just as there are things that are explainable and things that are unexplainable, there are some things you can accept and there things you just cant accept, these concepts work hand in hand.

I got onto this bandwagon after going to church on Sunday where the 10 am mass was empty at 9:55, but then full to the brim by 10 am. Granted mass starts at 10 am and the people have to only be in by 10 am. But getting 800 people into a church in five minutes can be a bit of a mission particularly when you have every second Leb swearing each other.

For many years it has been asked but why don’t they come earlier if they know mass starts at a certain time, simple, because some Lebs are thick, that’s explainable. It is also explainable why they are think if you consider that Lebanese children are still being taken out of school in Standard Six.

Now that to me is unexplainable. How do you, as a parent validate taking your child out of school at the age of 14? And many people will ask: but does this practice still happen? Yes it does. I know of at least two families who took their children out of school at 14 years old. These children just become a burden to society and use their street smarts to fall with their ass in the butter and marry a rich husband, because this practice is very prevalent with woman, based purely on their looks. Surely this is unacceptable.

American comic Chris Rock explores the topic of unacceptability from a very American point of view, but it is very relevant and has international ramifications. He asked how the US government can find Saddam Hussain hiding in an underground bunker in the middle of the Iraqi desert, but they cant find Tupac Shakur’s killer, especially since Shakur was shot in Las Vegas, on The Strip, in front of Circus Circus Casino. And its so true if you think of it.

And this is only one of the unexplainabllities of America. The other one was the race to the moon.

At the end of the Cold War and the Cuban Missile Crisis, the US and the Soviets were embroiled in a race against time to see who could get to the moon first. When a top American major was taken to task over this his response was: ”F the Russians, we are doing this because we can.”

F the Russians, we are doing this because we can WOW. If that is not an unacceptable excuse then I don’t know what is.

Unacceptability is not limited to the US. If fact, South Africa doesn’t do badly in the unacceptability department either.

We go into the world that is South African politics where it is really a ‘pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey’ situation to see who becomes the Minster of a department.

And it all started with Ngconde ‘who ate all the pies’ Balfour. Who, in Thabo Mbeki’s first term as president, was the Minister of Sport and Recreation, and then Minister of Correctional Services in Mbeki’s second term.

I mean WTF? Where is the link there? Is this not unacceptable.

Now we have a new pres. Pres JZ. BAYEDE NKOSI! Sorry, I got a bit carried away there. Anyway, we all know that JZ and unacceptability go together like coffee and sugar. So there is no surprise that last years Minister of Transport Jeff Radebe is now the new Minister of Justice and Constitutional Development.

What is probably the most unacceptable thing in the world is how the hottest woman in the world end up with the biggest pricks alive. Guaranteed that if you have a woman, with curves and bumps in the right places with a sharp mind and a great personality, she’s dating a doos! Fortunately I have broken that cycle. I love you my angel.

It’s hard to make decisions staring down the barrel of a smoking gun Part II

The sporting world is the best escape imaginable. After watching a few sporting events this week, it perplexes me that there are even people in the world who have no interest in sports.

I reported last week that the British and Irish Lions are on tour and they will have a tough time making decisions as they staring down the proverbial barrel of a smoking gun.

But what of those teams who go into a tournament/match as favorites and everything goes wrong? In this instance its even harder to make said decisions.

It all started last week Wednesday when a certain Manchester United traveled to the eternal city of Rome to take on Barcelona in the Champions League final. Although many acknowledged that it would not be one-way traffic. It was widely believed that the Red Devils where the favorites going into the match.

Turns out that the scaly Brits from Manchester never even pitched for the match. Don’t get me wrong, there were on the field, but they were completely dominated to the extent that even the staunch Man U supporters, you know the Porras who support the club because of Ronaldo who they regard as a fake Porra because he comes from Madeira, acknowledged that Man U were never in the game.

All indications point towards geriatric Alex Ferguson’s poor selection of the side going into the game. Many believe that Man U would have faired better with Dimatar Berbatov or Carlos Tevez upfront instead of plating an extra man in midfield. But Ferguson stuck by his guns going into the match, and is a firm believer of players getting themselves out of trouble on the field.

Some will argue that it is tantamount to suicide to play that way in the final. But it’s hard to make decisions staring down the barrel of a smoking gun.

The second final this week was the Super 14 final which saw my boys from New Zealand The Chiefs take on the most hated rugby team in South Africa The Bulls.

With it being the final, many thought that it would be a tight affair. And when the Chiefs scored first it looked like it was headed in that direction, but then the Bulls hit back with 3 quick tries in the first half, which started an onslaught that really couldn’t be stopped.

Some argued that it the Chiefs contested better on the ground then they would have had a chance. Some also felt that Steven Donald put too much emphasis on the passing game where a kicking game would have served the team better. But as always, hindsight is a great thing, and in the heat of the moment it’s hard to make decisions staring down the barrel of a smoking gun.

Even Hitler was pissed off that the Chiefs lost. See below:




The final shock of the weekend is the early exit of Rafael Nadal from the French Open courtesy of lowly ranked Swede Robin Soderling. By all accounts Soderling came out to play and set a blistering early pace taking Nadal’s power game out of the picture.

Nadal could have fought back and won the match had he slowed the game down to a pace that suits him. However, that is all easier said then done and it’s hard to make such decisions staring down the barrel of a smoking gun.

In other news, the British lions came through their first South African outing unscathed, although they were behind for the majority of the match. Looking at the side that ran out. 8 of the players that Ian McGeechan picked for the team on the weekend maches my selection for the first test. So I'm almost there.