Word of the Day

Salamu

I haven’t done one of these posts in a long time, so I thought I would revive one after listening to one of my favourite musical artists…Lilly Allen.

I came across Ms Allen when living in Dubai. As stated on this blog before, I worked with a bunch of posh London boys and had a bunch of Geordie, Scouse and Sheffield Steel friends. The fact that Ms Allen really sings about rubbish and doesn’t care what she says is very appealing, as are her looks.

All of my definitions come from the bastion of slang…Urban Dictionary.com

Word Pig!

Word: Filth

Meaning: a derogatory word for a police officer.

Application: Riding through the city on my bike all day ‘cause the filth took away my licence.

If you come to think of it, the cops have it bad. I think they must be the only group of people in the world that has so many derogatory terms associated with them.

Word: Pig

Meaning: a derogatory word for a police officer.

Application: Want another donut pig?

There have been a number of other applications of insinuations of the word pig in various movies. Two that come to mind immediately are Training Day and Beverly Hills Cop. In Training Day, Denzel Washington and Ethan Hawke corner my main may Snoop Dogg (or is it Snoop Lion now?) he famously says “it smells like bacon in this mothaf##ker!” In Beverly Hills Cop, Eddie Murphy is undercover and is trying to set up a major deal that will entrap a drug cartel. When one of the cartel’s members comes to him, he smells around him and says “it smells like pork, I used to be a Muslim, I know what pork smells like!”

Here is a word which Ms Allen uses in her song where you think you know the meaning of it, but it has other nuances besides the obvious one.

Word: crackhore

Meaning: a whore that chases cracks no matter what shape or form it may be in.

Application: look at that crackhore he would take anything home.

Here is another word which I never knew what the hell it meant, but now I know. Ok, it may not be the correct definition of it. But it is a definition I will accept.

Word: SWAG

Meaning: The most used word in the whole fucking universe. Douche bags use it, your kids use it, your mail man uses it, and your fucking dog uses it. If you got swag, you generally wear those shitty hats side way, and your ass hanging out like a fucking goof cause your pants are half way down your white ass legs. To break down the word, it means (Secretly We Are Gay). It is also a word that means to represent yourself/ the way you represent yourself, baggy clothes, shitty hats, small penis and basically a way to say you’re afraid to come out of the closet.

Application:  

Assface Magee: I got so much swag

Darrel: You got so much dick in your ass

Assface Magee: Fuck you, SWAG

The closeness of guys and girls have come under the spotlight recently. And I blame Hollywood for this labelling a good friendship a “bromance.” What would be the female version of this? A hoemance?

We digress. We all know that our girls have best friends that they simply cannot live without. These are her besties….and get between them at your own peril.

Word: Besticle

Meaning: Term referring to 2 men that are best friends. The masculine counterpart to the female bestie.

Application: My besticle Mike and I are heading to the golf course then will grab some beers afterward.

This is the gayest thing I have ever heard in my life and I will not be using it soon.

I hope that this has been enlightening and entertaining. More so than the opening ceremony of the 2014 FIFA World Cup. Just goes to show that sometimes you just can’t beat the Africans.

Mei jua daima kuwa kabla yenu, na vivuli nyuma yako!

Return of the Mack. Word of the Day

Salamu

It has been a while since I have updated this blog. For that I apologise. I suppose we go through our stages where we want the world to know every intimate detail of what goes on in our lives, and then we actually get to a stage where we actually couldn’t give an ass rats about what people think of us, or how much they miss knowing about our lives. Like my ex always says: here is a brick to help you build a bridge to get over it.

But as was pointed out to me lately…I am a bit of a manipulator (which I completely and utterly deny) and I possibly have a bad attitude when it comes to people (which I actually agree with if you are as arrogant as shit). Be that as it may, I have resolved to update this blog at least twice a month.

I haven’t done a ‘word of the day’ blog in a long time and recent events have resolved me to do another one. The first word is actually settling a debate and the other words are from my favourite source of ‘street talk’—Urban Dictionary.

So to the first word, in between watching one of the world class shows that Sony Max had on TV came a far eastern lady who’s decedents were of the Karachi variety appearing on the TV teaching a catholic household how to make Eid treats. So this lady is making a pot of Garlic Prawns and she says: “I like to put a lot of garlic in my prawns because I am partial to anything garlicky.” My friend looked like was going to have a heart seizure screaming at the TV that garlicky is not a word. I said that it was…but my friend has that arrogant lawyer way about him. So I just kept quiet.

But I was right.

Word: Garlicky

Definition: containing or resembling the taste or odour of garlic.

Use: ey no man….I tried to dala that cherrie and her breath smelt garlicky ek se…I waaid so quick cuzzie.

Now we get onto the proper words.

Urban dictionary is the best site known to man in my opinion. It has introduced me to words such as Panocha, Barocho, Fine China, and it even helped me correct someone. My best female friend was talking to me and mentioned the word Twat. I laughed and told her to look on Urban Dictionary what twat means. Needless to say, she was a bit embarrassed.

So now…here we go:

Word: phoneslinger

Defenition: A person that can produce their phone with lightning speed and return a text message almost instantaneously.

Application:

Jim - I hate texting with Jennifer.

John - Why's that Jim? She seems like a cool girl to me.

Jim - When you send her a text, it takes forever to get a response.

John - Ohh I hate that too! My new girl Sally has to be just about the fastest little phoneslinger I've ever met in my life.  Whenever you text her, you always have an answer right away. Always. I so love that!

Jim - Wow! I'm jealous already.

Word: Piss Muting

Definition: When you piss on the side of the bowl of the toilet instead of the water to make less noise at night.

Use: Mom - Johnny, if you're staying up late tonight be sure to mute your piss so you don't wake me up.

Word: hate hug

Definition: A hug given as an unavoidable social grace even though one or both people engaged in the hug hate each other and would not willingly hug if they were alone. Characterized by being a very fast and "going through the motions" hug with as little contact, duration, and eye contact as possible.

Use: That girl Angela that hates me showed up unexpectedly when I was out with co-workers having a drink. When we were all leaving she hugged people goodbye but gave me a hate hug.

If I cared enough I would use it on my exes. Difference is that the relationships between my exes and myself are very hostile to the extent that we hardly talk. But I still have to see one at church. And its funny how nervous you get around them no matter what the status is between the two of you, and this is the one who I don’t talk to. AT ALL!      

   

Mei jua daima kuwa kabla yenu, na vivuli nyuma yako!

Word of the Day

Salamu

First of all, congratulations to Spain on winning their third Euro and their second back-to-back. Muchas Gracias por mostrar a los Italianos que no es dueño del mundo del fútbol. Y gracias por el cierre de la soberbia poco de mierda a Mario Balotelli.

Right down to the business of the day. This is going to actually turn into a word of the day post. As always I turn to urbandictionary.com as a reference for these pieces. All words and descriptions can be cross referenced there.

Brock Lesner is going to F5 a Great White? CHINGALO!

Word: Chingalo
Meaning: in mexico people use it to say "fuck it!"
Stephanie Milan is sitting at home...chilling...watching the food channel when all of a sudden the door to her house gets kicked in, smoke grenades get thrown into the house, and a SWAT team bursts through the door. Apparently they were acting on information that a computer from that address had been used to post threats (including references to explosives) against the police and members of police officer's families, via Topix.com

Look I know that you shouldn't joke about shit like that and the police have every right to take these threats seriously. But Chingalo...did SWAT have to come and get the computer? Why not the local law enforcement? I thought SWAT were only called in during extreme situations such as hostage situations and high profile narc cases, hence the meaning of SWAT: Special Weapons And Tactics. Stephanie...girl...all of a sudden you became an extreme situation. And why did SWAT need to kick the door down and throw smoke grenades in the house to seize a computer?

ONLY IN AMERICA!

Is that what you call sleeping it off? Que Poca Madre

Word: Poca Madre
Meaning:literal:"motherless". mex.slag. 1/ used for descrbe something is realy fucking cool, 2/ used to describe a bad situation or something that a person ("asshole"in that moment) did to you, by adding "que" before "poca madre".
So gizmodo.com (which is primarily a geeky technology based site) had an article up on it today about how to drink the whole day and not pass out.

I find this really funny because: a) do geeks know what alcohol is and b)they are actually giving tips about how to infringe at least two law violations in the US: DUI and Public Intoxication.

So now because someone else beat me to it. I will repost two of the most important tips the site offered for marathon drinking. That by the end of the day people will be able to look at you and say: "que Poca Madre vato!"


Pace Yourself
Drinking all day is an endurance event. You are literally slowly poisoning yourself all day and seeing how long you can take it. It's a marathon, not a sprint. Listening to your body is the number one most important thing. If it tells you, "I've had enough," well, you had a good run, but you need to stop, because you could do some serious damage. However, your body may send the message, "Just gimme another 15 minutes. I'm still working on that last one," in which case, game on. Respect those messages, though, and do your best to listen for them.


Maximum Volume, Minimum Impact
ABV (alcohol by volume) is critical here. The lower the better. Continuing the metaphor from the last section, this is a marathon. Sipping beer (typically 6 percent ABV) is a slow, steady jog that will get you to the finish line. Taking a shot of whiskey (typically 40 percent ABV) is like doing a 100-yard dash as fast as you can in the middle of it. You're going to blow yourself out too quickly, and very well might not finish unless you slow way down immediately afterward.

And here is a tip from the Lion of Lebanon


Dont Buckle to Peer Pressure
Some Panocha's will find it highly amusing to vociferously encourage you to down drinks or consume high volumes of liquor in a short amount of time in order to get you Poca Madre. I have lost count on how often this has happened to me.

The one occasion I can remember well was Spring Day celebrations at my old university. Basically Spring Day is a day which was a varsity holiday where there would be no classes and there would be a huge campus party celebrating the onset of spring. Alcohol was a huge part of these celebrations. So in my first year I got myself a bottle of peach schnupps and mixed it in a bottle with Sprite (it was a whole bottle of schnupps to about 750 ml of Sprite). I was sipping it merrily when an arrogant Portuguese Puta said: PA...I bet you cant down that. (there was 3/4 of the mix left.) Normally i would have said: Your mother and just carried on sipping. But because I already had hooch in my system the Lion came out and I downed it in front of him and then hit him over the head with the bottle. That was at 10 am in the morning with the prospect of the whole day ahead of me Poca Madre! Apparently I spent the rest of the day thinking I was Eddie Guerrero screaming: "Orale Vato Loco's!"

CHINGALO!

Mei jua daima kuwa kabla yenu, na vivuli nyuma yako!

Word of the Day

Salamu

Most words are supplied by Urban Dictionary found at www.urbandictionary.com

I have seriously been neglecting these posts. But watching one of the favorite Bond movies today -- Licence to Kill -- inspired me back into it. 

I love the Spaniards and the Latin Americans their mannerisms are amusing and their slang is even better. 

Word: Borracho

Mexican or Chicano slang for a drunkard.Often this person does something very stupid that embarasses him.

Application: Look at Borracho trying to sing like Tom Jones. someone needs to bust a cap in his ass esse!

Word: Borracha

Is an adjetive used for a female as drunk 

Word: Borrachata

A drunk chica (female) that hears, and is dancing to, bachata music that's playing in her head

Now I never heard of or knew what it is. I know Reggaeton (and love it) but not Bachata.

Basically it is love music which often includes heartbreak and sadness. So basically Celene Deon in Español the shit I used to listen to when I broke up with Jessica. ¡Ay, caramba!

One of the top  Bachata songs at the moment is Xtreme's Te Extrano. 

	Xtreme - Xtreme - 2005 - Te Extraño - .mp3
	Found at bee mp3 search engine

Slit your wrist music.

Word: Esse

A mexican version of the word "nigga". this only applies to mexicans.

"watup esse, so we chillin tonite homes?" 

"i'ma cut u up esse, i'ma kill u fool"

There is person who is working with us at the moment and he is my senior. He is very unbearable and is a complete rash. I have never felt like punching someone in the dace more then I have felt this week. 

What makes it worse is that he is a slob. he wears one set of clothes the whole week and he doesnt even try and brush his hair to make himself look presentable. He looks like a complete hobo. 

He is quite famous in Namibia (South Africa's NAM) for taking his sleeping bag out and sleeping in the park because he didnt bother to make a booking for a hotel room. 

He is also homosexual so we have invented our own word: Hobosexual

This is actually an anti gay person because every gay person I know are the cleanest people on earth and really look after themselves. 

Its FHM Top 100 Sexiest Woman in the world time again. And those who are a fan of my favorite up and coming South African model Adele Coetzee are in for a treat next week. watch this space 

Mei jua daima kuwa kabla yenu, na vivuli nyuma yako!

Word of the Day

Salamu.

This has become my favorite piece to do. This is because I see myself as an educator, an imparter of knowledge onto the masses.

That and the fact that I love being down with the word on the street!

The first word of the day is Spook it is a derogatory word used towards black people mostly by redneck's who live in trailers...eat mayonnaise sandwiches...and DALA their sisters.

Example...Dem spooks like to play bones and shoot dice.. In proper English, as promoted by William Shakespeare, this means that The black people like to play dominoes and play dice.

As a matter of interest...the word nigger, if said by a white man, in America is taboo because of their whole campaign towards human rights and shit, but a black man can greet another black man with: Whats up my nigger! This is because there is no way that white people don't use the word nigger behind closed doors. Like when they are watching the news...a wife wont say: Honey look at this stupid negro! However, she is more likely to say: Look at that ignorant ass nigger right there.

It must just be known that I don't participate in or condone abusive language with racial slurs.

To South Africa where we come across the word: Dala. It was developed by Durban Indian people who also have their own language which resembles English. Dala is to fornicate. Exmaple: I will Dala that chick until she cant walk cuzzie! or in the line of a South African club song: I came to the show to Dala...so dont fuck me like a gwala!.

To England we go where we have already pointed out there exists a whole other language which resembles English, but isn't. Word: Bellend. This is quite literally the tip of a mans penis. I wont go into a proper description of this here please visit this link to urban dictionary for proper description.

So its calling someone a dickhead without them knowing. Example: Does taking da x makes you like house musik and makes youz dance like a bellend? (God Bless Ali G!) or Saddam Hussein is a Bellend! (as seen on 'Da Ali G Show').

Here is one of my favorite pieces:

Ali G Religion Roundtable - Free videos are just a click away

Finally to Australia where a popular word is sook. Which is to sulk. Example: sam had a sook when claire wouldn't sleep with him.. this is used extensively by my other mate Chopper Reid when describing his acts of regular violence enacted on Neville Bartos.

I am discovering new words all the time so keep an eye out people!

Word of the Day

Salamu.

U.N.I.T.E.D United is the team for me with a nick nak paddywack give a dog a bone...why don't Benfica f##k off home!

Just thought I'd put that out there in preparation for the Devils crucial match against Benfica tonight.

This actually leads me into the next installment of a regular feature on The Lions Den... Word of the Day.

It has been widely advertised on this blog, by myself, that I spent some time in Dubai. While there, the majority of my friends were English.

And please dont be fooled by these people. While common sense tells you that the official language in England is English, there are many derivatives of the language.

Its kind of like Arabic, which was introduced to the world at the spreading of the Ottoman Empire. But what people dont know is that there is Gulf Arabic (spoken in the UAE, Oman, Bahrain), Saudi Arabic (spoken in Saudi Arabia), Egyptian Arabic (spoken in Egypt) and Lebanese Arabic (Spoken in the old country, Lebanon). Essentially they are all the same and a Gulf Arabic speaking person can understand an Egyptian Arabic speaking person.

This is the same in England. There is English and there is Scouse English, Yorkshire English, Geordie English, ect ect. But, and there is a big but here, whereas different Arab speaking people can understand each other, a Scouse cant understand a Londoner, a Londoner cant understand a Yorkshireman and NO ONE can understand a Geordie.

However,the Geordies do have some of some of the naughtiest girls who are awesome in bed! Hands down, if I could choose the perfect wife she would have to have Geordie bedroom temperament in her.

We digress. God forbid you should ever want to hit the streets in England. Here is some lingo you need to be down with.

Donkylasher: A donkylasher is a person who comes from Blackpool.
Apparently there is a huge rivalry between the girls from Essex and the girls from the Pool as I found out one night at a bar in Dubai.
I had lost my South African accent in favor of a British accent on account of all of my friends being British. So I was having a pint at Double Decker when a fit bird came and sat next to me. She was wearing white shoes and had a fury pink handbag...she was an Essex girl then. So we got talking and then all of a sudden, as if out of nowhere, the conversation went like this:
"You look like you can be quite a handful," I said.
"Why? You a Donky Lasher?" she asked in reply.
"I dont understand...A WHAT?" I asked.
"Blackpool, are you from fooking Blackpool?"
"No. Im from South Africa," was my reply.
"Good!" she said just before banging her glass on the counter and shoving her tongue down my throat.
And she was QUITE a handful in the bedroom that night, an awesome handful. Spend the whole night contending with that handful. Almost got arrested the next day for eating in public during Ramadan.
Apart from Geordies, the Essex girls are probably the second best girls in the world in the bedroom.

Fit Bird: Beautiful women.
Not much explanation is needed here. Except for the fact that when normal people would say: wow that girl is beautiful, an Englishman would say: blimey that is a fit bird.

Innit: Cockney slang for isn't it.
I was at a barbecue in Saffa Park one night with my mates and we were drinking a bit. At about 11 pm, when the park closes, the Pork goes around and announces on a megaphone that the park is closing and we must leave. So my mate sees them coming towards us and he says: "That's the Phlange innit?" I had to stop myself from laughing, because he was a trained SAS operative, and told him that yes it is indeed the Phlange, so he went and hid his bottle of Vodka in my car.

Phlange: Cops
It is actually a crude reference to a woman's private bits - hence the application to the John Law. Don't question it, just know that when a Cockney bloke or bird asks you about the Phlange 9 times out of 10 they are referring to the cops. if it is the 1 time out of 10 that they are not referring to the cops...it is at this stage where you are going to get fucked up!




Good old Geordie Birds. Cold as fuck outside and they still go out in short ass dresses. "Well I carnt pick oop a fooking bloke in jeans now can I?"



Lock up your sons parents...the Essex massive is on the prowl.

Word of the Day

I came across these gems while pretending to do work at my establishment of employement yesterday.

Poca Madre:
Mexican slang for "Motherless"
- It is used to describe something is really f##king cool.
or
- It is used to describe a bad situation or something that a person ('asshole' in that moment) did to you by adding "QUE" before "POCA MADRE"

That was lame dude - "que poca madre".

Apart from Copper Ried, I really love Ali G. That great thing about Ali is that he has a whole language of his own. But he is really one of those people who you either love or hate. You wont grow to love him.

Da Ali G Show - Dangerous Drugs - More amazing video clips are a click away

Word of the Day

Aweh to the Lions Den massive.

By the greeting in the first line of the blog you will gather that this is the next instalment of: Word Of The Day.

The word Aweh is a word used mainly by the coloured community here in South Africa as a light hearted greeting. Depeneding on how well they know you, various terms will be used after Aweh.

If they know you well the will say: Aweh ma se kind, which is hello mothers child. If you are one of the 'boys' you will be greeted with: Aweh ma se hond, which is hello mothers dog. Although it might seem a bit off, i promise you it is not.

The word Aweh is deep rooted into the coloured community...it defines them as a nation. Sort of like if you ask an American what Americanism describes them most probably they will say that it is Howdy.

However, please dont use a term after Aweh if you do not know the person on any level, they will take offence to this and stab you. If you are visiting South Africa and a coloured person greets you, just say Aweh and nothing else.

The next word is a word whitch describes a particular peice of clothing. It amazes me how many women are not familiar with the term: wife-beater vest yet every man alive knows what it is. its those vests made popular by Vin diesel in a number of his movies which is worn by men but only ocveres a section of their shoulder rather then their whole shoulder.

The last word for today is twat, which is a term used alot by English people.

I came across this word on my many drinking escapades in Dubai with the "Geordie Element" (that is to say a group of Geordie friends I had that just caused trouble wherever they whent). We were drinking in a bar and one of the guys...I think his name was hammer... was making a hell of a noise and lewed remarks to some fine china which were tapping around in 6 inch heels showing off their asset portfolios and their well defined bottom ends. Anyway, so the bouncer comes buy to calm hammer down and he told the bouncer: piss off you twat. The bouncer was Nigerian so he didnt understand the insult and just looked at hammer with daggers and left. Only after that did I discover that twat is a rather nasty referal to a women's...well you get the picture.

Word of the Day

Greetings.

In the past i have been very outspoken about my utter dislike, distaste and disdain for incompetence and incompetent people! So although i am sure we are all very aware of the word incompetent, it is worthwhile visiting this word as it has many variants which not too many people are aware of.

Word: Incompetent F##k
Origin: Im sure its Italy because you always hear this insult thrown at people in decent gangster movies.
Meaning: A company which is useless! Ok...this is a bit of a long one people. I apply for a credit card at first National Bank (one of the Big Four banks here in South Africa). I had a few 'logistical issues' to resolve before application which I duly did. So I send in my application via E Mail and I get an auto reply from the bank telling me that I will receive feedback form them within 3-5 working days.

It is the fourth day and not trusting these people I give them a courtesy call only to find out that they received my documentation today only and that I must wait another 3-5 days. Bear in mind I have already waited this period. They blame technical issues which is not my f##king problem. Try and phone the help desk...and you wait 45 minutes for them to answer the phone. Actually speak to a person...and some wagon burner on the other end of the phone gives me so much attitude that I eventually lodged a complaint about her and her company. Now only are things being done.

But my question is why? WHY DO I HAVE TO HAVE MY BLOOD BOILED BEFORE THEY DO SOMETHING? VWHY DO I HAVE TO THREATEN THE POOR PEOPLE AT THE END OF THE PHONE WITH TORTURE AND DEATH BEFORE THEY DO SOMETHING? AND WHY DO I HAVE TO LODGE A COMPLAINT BEFORE A F##KING COMPANY DOES THEIR F##KING JOB?

WANKERS!

And the beauty part of this is that I am not even an existing FNB client! This is the first impression these people are making on me!

I hope and pray too the Big Man Upstairs that FNB gets wind of this blog post and reads it so they can see what a bunch of Incompetent F##k's they have become in my mind!

Word:Incompetent Prick
Origin:London...England. A famous insult that the British men throw at Pikys and Geodie men.
Meaning: A useless man who should have his Zub cut off and put in a glass cabinet because that is all that it is good for. In other words...an Incompetent Prick is a useless man! Again, this story is a bit long but it is worth a read.

As discussed on this blog before I am a journalist and unfortunately I have to follow a certain procedure which I dont necessarily agree with. Every article I write I have to send back to sources for factual clearance. If it were me Id just publish as is. Because once you hand over power to another party (give them a finger) they will try and abuse that power to the last (take an arm).

I write this article and send it to this certain individual for clearance. I also give him the mandatory 24 hours for clearance. What does the Incompetent Prick do? Gets a PR company to phone me and ask me for an extension because he has gone overseas. I mean, couldn't you tell me this in the interview when I explained our factual clearance procedure? "Oh no, I know I will never meet your deadline Mr Journalist man! Ill just ask for an extension!" was the thought which was going through his mind when I met him. He had NO intention of meeting my specified deadline FROM THE START! And then he doesnt have the balls to phone me and explain his situation...he gets a woman to do it.

Incompetent Prick!

Word: Incompetent Bitch
Origin: ME! The Lion of Lebanon, Shalafain! Because when a woman is incompetent no man will have the balls to admit it to her face except me. This is because they only want one thing from her, but nay nay! I will waver getting into her good good books which could possibly lead to horizontal refreshment which will include pumping, all of this because I hate incompetence that much!
Meaning: The female equivalent to an Incompetent Prick. We all know them! We even interact with them on a daily basis. Those women who take an arm when you give them a finger and think its ok because they will just batter their eyelids ant you or smile at you and then your heart will melt!

Well my friends...right now my heart is 100% pure and certified granite! Aint no amount of smiling or battering of eyelids will melt this shit!

I am part of the Youth Committee at my church (you wouldn't say so considering I have a mouth that can make an Irish Sailor blush at times), and there is this floozy who is part of our group who doesn't come to any of the meetings or any of the events which we arrange and then batters her eyelids at the priest and he says "How can I be cross with you!" UM...EXCUSE ME...BECAUSE SHE IS INCOMPETENT AND AN OXYGEN THEIF!

All of this talking of Pricks and Bitches reminds me of a joke which I feel I need to share because it might just put me in a better mood then I am now! However, this is unlikely!

A woman who is pregnant with triplets was walking down the street when a masked
robber ran out of a bank and shot her three times in the stomach. Luckily
the babies were OK.

The surgeon decided to leave the bullets in because it was too risky to operate. She gave birth to two healthy daughters and a
healthy son.

All was fine for 16 years, and then one day one daughter walked into the room in
tears.

"What's wrong?" asked the mother.
"I was taking a tinkle and this bullet came out," replied the daughter.

The mother told her it was okay and explained what happened 16 years ago

About a week later the second daughter walked into the room in tears.

"Mom, I was taking a tinkle and this bullet came out."

Again the mother told her not to worry and explained what happened 16 years
ago.

A week later her son walked into the room in tears.

"It's okay" said the Mom, "I know what happened You were taking a tinkle and a bullet came out."
"No," said the boy, "I was playing with myself and I shot the dog."

NICE JADE! IF I WAS ANYWHERE NEAR A GOOD MOOD I'D BE VERY HAPPY WITH THIS JOKE! BUT I AM NOT!

Word of the Day

Marhaba.

I know I have been a bit thin on the picture side on this blog lately, but the reason for this is that people cant control themselvs and I have to update my blog through a proxy hider...which does not give you full access to all the options that the normal site would.

What turned out to be an experimental post actually transformed itself into one of my favourite features that I do. it is always nice to see that people read my blogs and absorb the information therein. a lady that works with me, and reads my blog religiously, was having a hard time on the phone with someone. After throwing a tantrum she banged the phoned down and called him a Panocha.

So to today's words:

Word: Gaijin
Origin: Japan
Meaning: Ethnical slur for foreigners visiting Japan. It means Outside person. Originates from early Empirical Japan where Japanese people were still apprehensive to throw away the traditions handed down to them by the Samurai....because of this they were very reluctant to trust foreigners.
Application: "why you dye your hair? You want to be gaijin?"

Word: Gook
Origin: American solders during the Korean War.
Meaning: Racial slur to describe Koreans. It didn't start out as a slur...An American approached a Korean. The Korean did not understand the American, instead he pointed at him and called out "Mi Gook" which means "America" in Korean. The American then mistakened the Korean and thought the Korean was refering to himself as a "gook." After the Korean War, American started to refer to Koreans as Gooks for short term thinking it was a short name for Korean.
Application: "I cant stand the way the gooks are taking over the world man. They are EVERYWHERE!"

Word:Vodka Ass
Origin: Russia
Meaning: When a girl consumes premium vodka or any other good hard liquor on a regular if not excessive basis and her ass gets big in the process it is called a vodka ass.

To summerise: If a Japanese person is calling you a Gaijin:-kick his ass! If you call a Korean person a Gook they will most likely kick your ass...and Vodka Ass is acceptable on a Woman...within reason people! WITHIN REASON!

Word of the Day

Hi there.

Before we continue please hit a pause on the last song on the post: Why Reggae is great.

I feel like James Bond today. Mainly because some lovely people whom I know (no names will be mentioned) dont know the meaning of self restraint. While the Lion of Lebanon updates: The Lions Den once, maybe twice a week, other people update theirs EVERY DAY.

There is a saying in life which says that if you give a person enough rope they will hang themselves, so now because we have people updating their blogs everyday, our IT man at the work has blocked the blogger website.

Being the ever resourceful man that i am i managed to log on through a proxy hider and am updating this blog. I hope it works.

One thing i usually do partake in is updating my blog after a weekend. Ordinarily it would not be a 'word of the day' post if the last such post was at the end of last week. However events which occurred at the Sharks vs Bulls Super 15 Rugby game on the weekend warrants a word of the day post.

Word:Pajero
Meaning: Spanish slang word meaning 'He who fiddles with himself for sexual gratification'.

So the cops descended on Loftus BEFORE THE ACTUAL RUGBY GAME KICKED OFF and arrested a score of Sharks and Bulls fans for 'public dunkeness and disturbing the peace' they then held these people for only FOUR HOURS BEFORE RELEASING THEM WITH A 'SPOT FINE' OF R150 EACH.

The Pork spokesperson Duane Lightfoot says that the blitz was in the interest of to “maintaining law and order” at the stadium.

Im sorry but you are a Pajero Duane Lightfoot! We all know it was for Nandos money.

Were there RIOTS outside the stadium? Were the supporters acting like DEPERADOS GUNSLINGING AT EVERY TOM, DICK AND HARRY THAT PASSED BY? If the answer is NO to any of these questions Mr Lightfoot then you are FULL OF SHIT and a Fibber! The arresting of people for 'Public Drunkenness' is the easiest way to get bribes off people. And you should know this. ALSO…aren’t you supposed to hold these people overnight and not just for FOUR HOURS!

Then in an article on sport 24 some bitch by the name of Corine van Dyk backs up the porks actions saying that on game days the areas around Loftus are a bit hectic!

You puta de mierda. You live near a stadium bitch, of course you are going to be inconvinienced on game days! But answer me this:... Do these games last five days? NO! Do these games even last ten hours? Once again…NO! Maybe you called the cops because your prostetution business gets affected on game days. Not enough men come knocking on your door to service you.

I wonder if you called the cops during the Soccer World Cup? Or on days when they play soccer at Loftus? If not then not only are you a prostitute but a racist one at that. Guess who wont be recomending your establishment to international visitors.

Words of the Day

Please hit a pause on the last song on the blog title: 'Why Reggae is Great!' Shookran

I had every intention of updating 'The Lions Den' from Lusaka...but as my luck would have it the internet access at the hotel was existent...but extremely limited.

Now I am playing catch up! THANKS PROTEA ARCADES HOTEL LUSAKA! PANOCHA'S!

Words of the day!

First up a normal word, not slang.

WORD: DELECTABLE: extremely beautiful, captivating, attractive, beguiling
Application: Ana Paquin is one of the most delectable woman I have seen in a long time.

Now for some good old street slang!

WORD: OYIBO (sometimes pronounced: yo-hi-bo): Nigerian word for white man which has derogatory connotations associated to it.
Application: I slipped the oyibo the cocaine telling him that they are headache pills. Hopefully the pigs in Accra let him through without arresting his ass!

Word: FINE CHINA: Used to describe a female/male who is hotter then delectable. Has roots in the fact that Chinese Crockery is often considered works of art.
Application: Back that shit up nigga! Just have a look at that piece of fine china right there!

However...may also refer to:

FINE CHINA: the original definition refers to heroin in its purest form. It is a white powder unlike "dirty" heroin which is brown or black. Fine china can be snorted.

Straight to the Shalafain Dictionary they go

Getting down to business. Word of the Day Feaure

So I rose to the challenge and survived a post where I could not: cuss (swear), refer to women in a 'derogatory' manner (not that I was doing that anyway) and post pictures of women in revealing outfits on my blog (a sin which I was admittedly guilty of).

Right now down to business.

I was inspired to write this blog post by three events which happened to me over the past few days.

The first: I was driving through downtown Johannesburg [affectionately known by all as TOWN] the other day [Saturday] (decently I might add obeying all the rules of the road for a change) when a taxi cut me off. I blew my hooter and swore at him and his mother very very badly (all in Arabic)! His response to me was rather disturbing – Taxi Driver: "Bhebha Umlungu! Izingalangala!" I was NOT impressed! At ALL!

What's sad is that I understood every word this hubid shouted at me. Because South Africa is so cosmopolitan you come into contact with other languages so often, it becomes very hard for people to express themselves or talk smack about you without you understanding them.

The second: Is a combination of Snoop Dogs Fatherhood where he features a word of the day where the main man himself basically explains a street word to the masses, and watching Roberto Rodriguez's Machete where you hear a lot of Street Spanish.

And finally The third: While writing this very post a girl who works with me is busy trying to track down a potential new source and she says MENOPAUSE just loud enough so that those around her can hear her. I'm sorry TMI thank you very much.

This brings me to the purpose of my post: Wouldn't it be nice to express yourself in a way that only you and a few select others can understand and the rest of the general populace is none the wiser? Ladies and Gentlemen, Damas y Caballeros, I bring you Shalafian's word of the day.

I already have a dictionary at the bottom but these words are never featured in their own post where they and their application are explained, needless to say we will now be expanding this dictionary once a week!

Today's word: Panocha (pronounced BA-NO-CHIA)

This is Spanish for a person who is scared of things...you know the type of person you would call the other name for a cat!

Example:

Man 1: "No man I aint getting on no plane!"
Man 2: "Panocha!"

Ill even hit you with a double whammy today just because I am so kind.

Today's second word: Cabron (pronounced: CUB-RON)

This is Spanish for a man/woman who is born and no one knows who the father is.

Street talk is great isn't it!

Example:

Gangster: "You are trying my patience here Cabron. Either you talk or we break your toes one-by-one.

Cabron sounds so awesome when Steven Segal says it. Because even when he is PISSED OFF too the stage where he is spitting blood. He still says everything only a few decibels over a whisper and in a tone which suggests that he is in a deep state of calm meditation! All of this with a Poker Face of course!

So straight to Shalafian's dictionary they will go.

HEHEHEHEHEHE (naughty evil laugh): You know what I just realised...what if one acquired a cat and called him/her Panocha. I am SO going to call my cat that should I ever acquire one! And it wont be derogatory...its like naming a Dog:Dog or a Bird:Bird. Actually wait....it is rather inappropriate because proper Espaniol for cat is: Gato....but Ill still call him/her Panocha.

PANOCHA! What a classic!