The Lions Den: Word of the Day

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Word of the Day

Salamu.

U.N.I.T.E.D United is the team for me with a nick nak paddywack give a dog a bone...why don't Benfica f##k off home!

Just thought I'd put that out there in preparation for the Devils crucial match against Benfica tonight.

This actually leads me into the next installment of a regular feature on The Lions Den... Word of the Day.

It has been widely advertised on this blog, by myself, that I spent some time in Dubai. While there, the majority of my friends were English.

And please dont be fooled by these people. While common sense tells you that the official language in England is English, there are many derivatives of the language.

Its kind of like Arabic, which was introduced to the world at the spreading of the Ottoman Empire. But what people dont know is that there is Gulf Arabic (spoken in the UAE, Oman, Bahrain), Saudi Arabic (spoken in Saudi Arabia), Egyptian Arabic (spoken in Egypt) and Lebanese Arabic (Spoken in the old country, Lebanon). Essentially they are all the same and a Gulf Arabic speaking person can understand an Egyptian Arabic speaking person.

This is the same in England. There is English and there is Scouse English, Yorkshire English, Geordie English, ect ect. But, and there is a big but here, whereas different Arab speaking people can understand each other, a Scouse cant understand a Londoner, a Londoner cant understand a Yorkshireman and NO ONE can understand a Geordie.

However,the Geordies do have some of some of the naughtiest girls who are awesome in bed! Hands down, if I could choose the perfect wife she would have to have Geordie bedroom temperament in her.

We digress. God forbid you should ever want to hit the streets in England. Here is some lingo you need to be down with.

Donkylasher: A donkylasher is a person who comes from Blackpool.
Apparently there is a huge rivalry between the girls from Essex and the girls from the Pool as I found out one night at a bar in Dubai.
I had lost my South African accent in favor of a British accent on account of all of my friends being British. So I was having a pint at Double Decker when a fit bird came and sat next to me. She was wearing white shoes and had a fury pink handbag...she was an Essex girl then. So we got talking and then all of a sudden, as if out of nowhere, the conversation went like this:
"You look like you can be quite a handful," I said.
"Why? You a Donky Lasher?" she asked in reply.
"I dont understand...A WHAT?" I asked.
"Blackpool, are you from fooking Blackpool?"
"No. Im from South Africa," was my reply.
"Good!" she said just before banging her glass on the counter and shoving her tongue down my throat.
And she was QUITE a handful in the bedroom that night, an awesome handful. Spend the whole night contending with that handful. Almost got arrested the next day for eating in public during Ramadan.
Apart from Geordies, the Essex girls are probably the second best girls in the world in the bedroom.

Fit Bird: Beautiful women.
Not much explanation is needed here. Except for the fact that when normal people would say: wow that girl is beautiful, an Englishman would say: blimey that is a fit bird.

Innit: Cockney slang for isn't it.
I was at a barbecue in Saffa Park one night with my mates and we were drinking a bit. At about 11 pm, when the park closes, the Pork goes around and announces on a megaphone that the park is closing and we must leave. So my mate sees them coming towards us and he says: "That's the Phlange innit?" I had to stop myself from laughing, because he was a trained SAS operative, and told him that yes it is indeed the Phlange, so he went and hid his bottle of Vodka in my car.

Phlange: Cops
It is actually a crude reference to a woman's private bits - hence the application to the John Law. Don't question it, just know that when a Cockney bloke or bird asks you about the Phlange 9 times out of 10 they are referring to the cops. if it is the 1 time out of 10 that they are not referring to the cops...it is at this stage where you are going to get fucked up!