Anger Management and Overweight Cops

So its Monday again, and after a fairly eventful weekend, I came across 2 growing problems in South Africa.

Driving into work this morning, I came to the conclusion that South Africans are naturally aggressive.

It took me an hour to get into work this morning, this was owing to a bunch of overweight, remedial traffic cops who the rocket scientists at JMPD HQ thought they would unleash onto the busiest thoroughfare into JHB CBD!

It pisses me off because if the robots are in perfect working order then there is no bladdy reason to put trainee P.I.G.S. at the intersections. Granted they have to get practice somewhere, but then put the P.I.G.S. who are just about to graduate into full duty at the intersections going into the CBD. Don’t put the remedial bastards that are wet behind the ears there!

Looking around in the traffic jam, the reactions to the traffic ranged from a member of the Eldorado Park massive pumping up his music and lighting a skyf, The older gentleman in the Merc next to me proceeded to bang on his steering wheel and screaming like a youngster at a Brittany Spears concert.

To make matters worse, when the traffic was moving and the oak in the Merc had 3 meters to open his car up, a Taxi Driver in a Sesfigile taxi cut him off and dropped passengers off in the middle of the street. Pulling up next to the taxi I see its my friend who told me that the road was his last month. He clearly recognised me because when he saw me he said “Howzit Whitie”.

When we stopped at the robot where the P.I.G.S. where manning all hell broke loose. With blatant disregard for the traffic behind him, the oak in the Merc got out his car and started lambasting the trainee. So the supervisor P.I.G comes to him and tries to calm him down, he clearly wasn’t succeeding, so the cop wrote him out a ticket for obstructing the traffic!

What is it about SA cops and obesity? I know obesity is a problem worldwide, but is there a criteria on the Cops job application form that says you must weigh at least 150 kilograms and wear a size 52 pants?

Dont get me started on Merc drivers! Coming down Van Der Linde road, the two lane road narrows into a one lane road towards a stop street. So I take the right hand lane hoping to get a chance to get into the one lane by the time I hit the stop street. About 20 meters from the stop street, its me and this middle age bird in a huge Merc ML 4X4 jobbies dicing for the spot. In a stop-start traffic situation, her car has got no added advantage over mine, but she obviously thought I would pull out of the dice.

Needless to say I didn't pull out and I get in at the expense of the Merc who proceeds to blow her hooter and use the foulest language known to mankind at me. Already pissed off at the town incident, I put the bullet in neutral, get out the car, and start walking towards her. She rolled up her window as quickly as she could before I stood at her window and quietly clapped my hands!

I got in my car, turned left into Economides street, and low and behold, the cow is behind me, revving her engine and driving on my ass. Not intimidated, I drive 20kms/h down the road, it makes no difference to me, she is behind me, she hits me, she pays!

Near the Gechor home at the top of the road, she had enough of me drivning 20 kms/h and she pulled off like the bats of hell are after her. And who stops her at the bottom of the street? Ekurhuleni cops giving her a ticket for speeding!

A word of advise, If you ever see a Silver Hyundai Atos with a licence plate VJK 182 GP on the road, the driver has balls of steel and is fearless in the road. Nothing intimidates me!

I love South Africa. You never saw shit like this in Dubai.

It was a good weekend for the Super 14. My boys got back onto the winning streak while the Lions finally won! I called three results correctly in a tournament that is proving to be us unpredictable as Julias Malema’s mouth.


Breaking news is that Joost Van Der Westhuizen has dropped all charges against Heat Magazine and the Rapport in the Haish Movie case.

For those who haven't heard of the case before, please read my post "Celebrities on the run"

Anyway, Joost is dropping the charges mainly because the SA judiciary system takes to long, and in 3 years time, when the case is still ongoing, his kids will be old enough to understand what's happening and will start asking him sticky questions. He also said it would cost to much!

THE MAN IS GUILTY AS SHIT! IM SORRY! If you are adamant that it is not you in the video you will fight the case no matter what your kids say, because its not you in the video right, or the amount of cash involved! Surely the money he will make from winning the case will be astronomical!

And the Lions Den is responsible for bringing normality back to Santoghey. Apparently after getting phone calls from his friends about his name on this site. Warren Jaffer didn’t go to Santroghey on Saturday and never got molar.

Celebraties on the Run

From time to time i will use language which is not familiar with everyone. a new addition to my blog is the dictionary at the bottom

One of the sectors of society that needs to be praised on regular occasions is the celebrity industry. The entertainment value from the industry is priceless.

One of the biggest celebrity gossip stories to hit the waves over the last month was the Joost ‘doos’ Van Der Westhuizen haish movie. Allegedly, I say allegedly because none of this has been proven and I don’t want the askria knocking on my door for info, Joost was seen in a haish video with a woman, who could or could not be a sharmooto. In the movie, Joost was seen doing Cocaine, sniffing it off her stomach mind you, and engaging in a 29 minute oral sex session.

There are conflicting reports about this. Joost says it is not him because the sabbah in the video wore polo socks and has holes in his kelsoon. Joost also says that the sabbah has a bigger zub then him.

Firstly who will admit the fact that the sabbah has a bigger zub then you, that’s just thik! Also claiming that Amour doesn’t buy him polo socks is a weak argument as the sharmooto could be a freak and asked him to wear the socks. And the fact that his kelsoon has holes in just points to the fact that Joost is a dirty bastard!

Anyway we digress, apparently the video was produced to blackmail Joost, perhaps the sharmoot wants money, perhaps Joost dissed her when they met at a bar in Hatfield long ago.

Heat magazine is adamant it is Joost in the video. In the latest issue of the magazine, the journalist involved produced pictures of Joost on the field and Joost in the video and various distinguishing features, such as a f’d up finger and a scar above his navel is present in both pictures. THE SAGA CONTINUES! Apparently, Luke Watson is a suspect in the matter after a spectators board at Loftus indicates that Watson also wears polo socks and is as equally dirty as Joost, because he too has holes in his kelsoon.

Apparently, psycho case Michael Jackson is planning on making a comeback, This comeback will include a world tour of immense proportions. One of the stops is here in SA.

I was always a fan of the bastard and liked his music. Granted his sexual orientation is highly questionable and there wont be mother leaving their 10 year olds with him, but SA is the perfect place for him to tour. The last time he wanted to come here he was a young black man, now he is middle aged white woman so he wont be recognised.

The question is: Is Jackson touring because he is short of Tom?, Is he touring to run away from Sheikh Abdullah Bin Haman Bin Isa Al-Khalifa?

Just to give you an overview on how heavy the situation really is, Jackson was looking for a place to hide in 2006 after getting chirped nearly everywhere he went. After striking up a good friendship with Sheikh Abdullah, the Sheikh of Bahrain, Jackson relocated to the country. I was living and working in the United Arab Emirates at the time, and Jacksons relocation caused a stir.

Anyway so Jackson has been living in Bahrain since 2006 and has been quietly watching his former fortune get eaten away by lawyers and the credit crisis. Wanting to do something good for society, Jackson was planning to record an album to aid Hurricane Katrina victims. He had no Tom, so he asked Sheikh Abdullah for £4.7 million to record the album. The Sheikh loaned him the money, but is now suing Jackson after no album was made!

There are significant concerns over Afrikaans star , Steve Hoffmeyer’s well being as the Huisgenoot reported last month that the singer was suffering from a “bloedkont”, which could be a bloedklot, but could actually be a bloedkont as Hoffmeyer’s sexuality is a huge talking point!

Robbie Wessels is at it again, the plank has made a new song that will no doubt be a hit in Parys. The Poena is Koning star has just recorded: JAN JAN JAN, which has been used in the player 23 advert on MNET. Mind you he was responsible for the Afrikaans version of the survivor classic ‘Eye of the Tiger’, if only Stallone knew!