Thursday, March 12, 2009

Welcome to the Jungle: The madness continues

As I said in an earlier post, Johannesburg must be one of the most entertaining cities in the world to live in.

The askria have really made conscious effort to clamp down on Doos taxi drivers who want to put everyone else’s life in danger just so that they can fit in an extra fare that day. Over the past few days in the CBD, the Metro Askria have been stopping taxi drivers and checking their licenses for outstanding fines. And should the wankers drive like shit, going through red robots or driving in the yellow lines, they are arrested on the spot.

Law and due process states that should you break the law you will be punished accordingly. And the taxi drivers have mixed emotions of quietly shitting themselves or rage. Listening to Highveld Stereo this morning one of the bastard taxi drivers goes off in his native language saying that he was stopped and arrested for skipping a red light, but he will be let back on the streets again and he will drive the same.

Now I am very sorry, but this bastard should be locked up and the key should be thrown away. But then again, who is to blame in this situation? Its not the taxi driver's fault that he has shit for brains. So the blame has to has to either be vested with the owner of the taxi company for hiring this rocket scientist or the askria for not locking this man up in a hole and forgetting about his existence!

This massive, and somewhat ambitious, campaign started on Tuesday. The askria arrested 8 drivers and were transporting them to the JHB Magistrates Court. When the unmarked transportation van stropped at a robot in Ntemi Piliso Street, the bastard taxi drivers kicked the door of the van out and ran away into the mist, never to be seen again. Michael Schofield would have been proud!

Its funny how South African celebrities have the nack of making themselves look like utter chops. Again, listening to the news on Highveld Stereo, Big Brother 1 contestant Bradford “Bad Brad” Wood was reportedly seen in Orange Grove yesterday taking pot shots at hoodlums who were running away from a botched cash in transit heist. Wood apparently stopped at a red robot at an opposite street when he saw the thing transpire before him, so he took out his gat and started gun-toting. He was on the radio this morning admitting to his gun toting brilliance and complained that he doesn’t understand why the cops want a statement from him, he was being a good citizen. Just a word of advise Brad, YOU CANT GUN TOTE IN A BUSY INTERSECTION UNLESS YOU ARE (A) A COP, (B) AFFILIATED WITH A SECURITY COMPANY, OR (C)HAVING YOUR LIFE THREATENED. This is not Texas!

For those who haven’t followed the rise to fame of Bad Brad: After being voted out of Big Brother 1 he made a million rand and then started a security company. Between 2007 and 2008, Bad Brad was on the radio once a month bitching and moaning about how some oak f’d him up in the car park of a night club! In late 2007, he started a political party.

It seems like the South African rocket scientist of the year 2008, ANC Youth League President Julias Malema, is not the dumb c#%t we think he is. He was seen leaving Prime Media’s offices yesterday with 3 cars from the blue light brigade, an unmarked Range Rover, and an unmarked Audi Q 7. Apparently the Q 7, the car transporting Malema, was seen doing wheel spins when pulling off. Perhaps he was rushing home to catch up on his Grade 12 maths with William Smith on the Learning Channel!

And finally, this is a classic! On Whackhead’s Window on the World, which will from now on be referred to Doosheads Window on the World and Dooshead Simpson, Dooshead played a clip of an equally dumb c#%t in Wales. This bastard went to a supermarket and purchased a frozen Pizza which was to be his dinner. After opening it he found the pizza had no toppings on, it was just a base, no tomato sauce, no cheese, fek all. So he phoned the supermarkets call center and laid a complaint. After giving the attendant copious amounts of lip and asking him to phone pizza hut to deliver him a pizza, he realises that he opened the pizza upside down and the pizza did in fact have toppings on!

WHAT A DOOS!

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