The day I hate

Salamu

It is virtually impossible for someone to get up every single day and get full enjoyment out of it. The only people that can achieve this are people on drugs.

There will always be that one day a year which grates people’s balls, rub people up the wrong way, piss on their parade.

That day for me is Valentine’s Day. I F.U.C.K.I.N.G HATE IT! HATE IT.

Everything is red, the restaurants are full, service is shit, flowers are expensive, everything else is expensive. I hate it.

Yes maybe it does boil down to the fact that I was never a popular choice over valentine’s day, in fact I can count the valentines I received on one hand. But even when I was dating my ex I felt iffy about society creating this view that you must declare your love for someone on February 14.

My friend…if you need a day to tell someone you love them then I have bad news for you.

I am the type of person who goes to a bar with a bunch of mates for a piss up on Valentines Day. One of the more memorable ones was at the Double Decker in 2005, the night I became friends with the Geordie Element.

I was getting a bit pissed with some South African mates of mine who all found dodgy loose women and whent home with them. I made my way to the bar and did the worst thing possible….I let this fit girl (who’s assets were virtually climbing out of her low cut top) coax me into having complementary Tequila shots.

Tequila and I have never been the best of friends and I am always up for a scrap when I am on my version of Karate Juice.

So there I was staring into blank space when a girl occupies the space next to me at the bar. A guy she was obviously avoiding persisted in talking to her and grabbed her by the arm. Not wanting to let go even after she told him to, I looked the man in the eye and asked him what part about let my arm go did he not understand. He came towards me and asked me who I thought I was, so I head butted him and screamed at him: “IM THE LION OF LEBANON AND YOULL DO WELL TO REMEMBER THAT!”

Little did I know the girl I helped out was none other than Porgies sister. The rest of The Element rushed to her aid only to find me standing over this guy I head butted.  The rest of The Element bought me drinks for the remainder of the evening and I earned the undying admiration of Porgies sister (who is fit as a butchers dog). I did see action that night and probably would have settled down with the girl, if we both didn’t come to the conclusion that we are like brother and sister to each other. And it doesn’t help if this realization comes after a four hour session of stamina testing and inspection of asset portfolios.

Mei jua daima kuwa kabla yenu, na vivuli nyuma yako!

Mans ultimate decision!