Bond...James Bond

Salamu

It has been well documented on this blog that I am a shameless James Bond fan. I love the franchise and have all 23 James Bond movies on my external hard drive. i have a book that documents the history of Bond and I have two model Aston Martin Cars from Die Another Day ( Aston Martin Vanquish) and Goldfinger (Aston Martin DB5). 

I am in the process of watching Die Another Day and like all Bond films it follows a specific formula. The locations are the same, the enemies are the same and the plots are the same. 

What if a James Bond film had to be filmed in South Africa?

Plot: 

Somali Pirates kidnap the daughter of a rich Saudi oil baron. The pirates demand full control of the oil baron's assets which would give the pirates enough funding to expand their operations and take them world wide.

MI 6 calls in Bond as he killed the brother of the leader of the pirates in Licence to Kill and he has the inside track on how the pirate leaders mind works. He will team up with a South African agent who heads up the Anti Piracy International, the world body fighting the growing threat of Somali pirates which is based in Cape Town.

But there are problems. The Somali cell has an inside man (which turns out to be a woman) in Anti Piracy International so they are always one step ahead of the game. Before they can crush the cell they must find the mole.

Being fluent in Swahili, the mole senses that they are on her track so she fees to Lusaka Zambia where she hides with a tibe of local people who speak Swahili.

Shit gets blown up, Bond almost dies but doesn't and he gets to DALA the oil barons daughter and the mole before he busts a cap upside her head.  

James Bond: 

To me Daniel Craig is past his prime. He was good in Casino Royale and half decent in Quantum of Solace. But he is getting old so a new Bond has to be found.

In order to be Commander Bond an actor has to be a) British or b) Born in a area that has colonial ties with Britain. 

But we don't even have to go down Route B there is a clear choice and that is Gerard Butler. He is big enough and good looking enough to be a clear cut first choice. 

Runners up would be Hugh Jackman or Clive Owen. 

Villains:

A strong villain is Don Cheatle. 

His ensemble cast of pirate miscreants can be Terrance Howard, Derek Chisora, David Haye (provided the latter two don't beat each other up on set), Michael Clarke Duncan, Mark Henry (the wrestler) and a few local Somali Habeed. 

Supporting Cast:

South African agent: Me...The Lion of Lebanon...Shalafain. I have always wanted to be a James Bond, but have resigned myself to the fact that I do not the looks to be a Bond. So I might as well be his South African agent friend. 

Mole (Inside Woman): Adele Coetzee. She has been given loads of airplay on my blog and for good reason. She is good looking enough to be in a Bond movie. Her characters background story is that she is a mole because the Pirates are holding her mother and sister captive and will kill them is she doesn't provide the pirates with info. 

Saudi oil Baron's Daughter: Naomi Scott. Smoking hot property at the moment

Weapons:

Bond will be equipped with a Walther P99 while his South African agent will wield a Heckler & Koch HK 45, a Magnum 44 and a HK MP5.

Basically the South African will need so many weapons because we do live in the most violent country in the world.

The Somali Pirates will be armed with RPG's, AK 47's and tactical knives.

Car:

Bond will drive a new Aston Maritn dubbed the Aston Martin Destroyer which will be a hybrid between the Vanquish (from Die Another Day) and Zao's Jaguar XKR from the same movie. 

Gadget:

A new Omega watch called: The Pace Setter. Which sends out electro magnetic pulses which breaks any electronically controlled lock

A Union Jack jacket badge which sends out a laser which can cut through steel. 

Police Aviator Sunglasses which are X Ray vision and he can see through shit! Even woman's outer garments. 

Locations: 

Cape Town South Africa.

Mogadishu Somalia.

Lusaka Zambia

Dammam Saudi Arabia

This would be one of the most Epic James Bond movies ever! Lets make it happen Bracolli's we can make a deal. Please man I need to get out of it!

There are only three days left to vote for my girl Adele Coetzee in the FHM Top Model for 2012. so when you look at her beautiful picture click on the link and do some voting! She needs your help. 

Mei jua daima kuwa kabla yenu, na vivuli nyuma yako!

http://fhm.co.za/social/profile/AdeleC/