Spinning a yarn or two

Marhaba to the Lions Den Massive.

I hope the Easter season is treating all of you well. it is that time of the year that people take their well deserved mid year break, although it isn't quite a mid year break is it? more like a pre-mid year break.

Many of us will be going away, and i am no different. My mother and brother recently relocated to my favorite city in the world Durban while I am stuck in the shit hole that is Johannesburg. this just means that i will have yet more accommodation options ope to me buy the sea so i will be making my way down tomorrow.

It is a year on since my last Easter visit to Durban and that was quite eventful.

I have the tendency at times to find myself in the most impossible situations. you know, the types of situations where an outsider will look at it and say: how the hell does he get himself involved in crap like this? And last year was no different. I was watching a Super 14 game at Kings Park and got horribly horribly drunk. I was supposed to take my cousin home with me but she and her friends wanted to go on the jaul, so I offered to collect them later that night.

So at 11pm I make my way to the Berea Rovers rugby fields which serve as parking for Kings Park. I was a bit early so I was content sitting in the car listening to music. A drunken fight breaks out in the street behind me but I was not going to get involved as I know better then to do that shit. All of a sudden this very attractive blonde comes up to the window of my car and begs me to help her as her boyfriend is one of the people in the fight and he is getting quite a beating. I tell her to sod off and sort it out herself, but then the cow makes these irresistible puppy eyes at me, so against better judgment on my part, I get out the car and help break up the fight.

So myself and another gentleman help drag the boyfriend to the side of the road where he can recover and he sees his girlfriend in between the blood streaming down his face. He could have said anything in the world to her but the words that came out of his moth was: "Heidi you f'ing whore, you are the cause of this."

Cutting an already long story short, they have a domestic where he gets in their car and drives off in search for the guys who originally beat him up. So now i have my cousin and her friend in the car and we are driving off when my cousin asks me what is going to happen to the blonde. I tell her that I don't give a shit and we are about to make our way home when she said that I must give the blonde a lift home or to a friends house or she will never talk to me again.

Again against my better judgment, I reverse the car and open the back window telling the blonde to get in. So here I am at midnight on Easter Saturday dropping off a blonde piss cat who has been abandoned by her boyfriend. The worst part is that I never even got as much as a peck on the cheek as a thank you.

On the way back to my Aunts place I hear the news that apartheid aggressor Eugine Terreblanche got murdered. "Looks like we both had a shit ending to Easter," I said out loud.

This does not come anywhere near what happened to a friend and myself two years ago.

This want over Easter, but it is a corker of a story. So my friend and myself are having a good night out at News Café Bedfordview when we get coaxed into taking an associate of ours home. Its 1 am in the morning and this associate of ours decides he is hungry. So we make our way to the only establishment that will be open at that hour: Fontana's Chicken in Rosetenville.

Those who are familiar with the area knows that it is like downtown Harlem, dodgy as shit. So we stopped at a traffic light only to see the biggest fight known to mankind in the street. All of the combatants are Africans and three or four are stabbing this guy with a bottle. So the associate of ours in the car, after not saying a word the whole trip, screams at the top of his voice: HIT HIM YOU F'ING NI**ER! HIT HIM! We crap ourselves and try to get the associate back into the car. Eventually we pull off moments before the Nigerians involved in the fight were going to make chop suey of our associate and us.

So we get to Fontana's, rough up the associate a bit for almost killing us, and we go inside. And wait for the food. We see the original fight moving closer towards us, so we bundle the associate in the car and speed off to his house. He was passed out drunk when we got there so we threw him over the wall in his underwear and we went home to eat his food.

Happy Easter all!