My premature Bucket List

Seeing as though it has just occurred to me that the Grim Reaper is closer to visiting me then I suspect. It is time to take stock of my life and do a bucket list.

Before I get messages of commiserations and heartfelt tears. Let me state for the record that I am not going to die anytime soon and I do not have a fatal disease! This post is what I would do if I WERE going to die or if I HAD a fatal disease!

I have actually been inspired to do this by a work colleague of mine, Tracy Hancock who is also a new follower of this site. Welcome Tracy...also welcome to Asha and a very very good friend of mine…Eleanor.

This could go on for a while Tracy and I suggested that we limit lists to a certain number of activities. She’s doing 10 and because I always have to be one up on people, I am going to do 20.

1) Bungee jump off the highest and second highest bungee jumps in the world. I saw this in the Amazing Race last night and if the Grim Reaper is going to visit me I might as well show him I aint scared of shit!

2) Get a significant loan from the bank and then travel to Vegas and put it on the tables on the strip. Following on from the first item on the list everyone would agree that it would take balls of steel to do this right! But then again if you have a fatal illness with only weeks to live its not like they are going to haul your ass into a court room asking you for the money!

3) Tour Asia for a month visiting China, Thailand, Vietnam, Singapore, Hong Kong, Burma, Cambodia, South Korea and finally Japan. Something about the east fascinates me. And no, it not their women. The asset portfolios of Asian women are generally not impressive enough for me.

4) Cage Dive with Great White Sharks. Technically I can cross this off my list because I have already done this. But I would love to do it again.

5) Smoke Weed in Amsterdam. I am not a drug user and do not condone it, but again if you have a fatal illness with only a month to live…who cares!

6) Visit the Mayan and Incan temples in Central and South America. When the Irish were walking around in loincloths struggling to master the art of speech, the Mayans and the Incans were already the most civilised nations in the world with empires comparable to the Roman and British Empires.

7) Visit the Trevi Fountain…strip down into my swim trunks…and do few laps while singing “Eye of the Tiger”. What’s the worst they can do to you? Arrest you? Its not like you care that much if you only have a month to live!

8) Visit Buckingham Palace and mark my territory on the perimeter fence. Every English haters dream!

9) Provided I am released from incarceration in Italy and England I would visit the Mosi-O-Tunya. To non Swahili speaking people this is the Victoria Falls. I would visit the falls (from the Zambian Side) have a Mosi beer watching the sun set over the falls while listening to a bunch of Zimbabwean hubeed try and jump over the border fence into Zambia.

10) Visit the Masi Mara during the annual wildebeest migration. Who wouldn’t want to take a hot air balloon ride and get a birds eye view of the worlds biggest mass migration?

11) Provided I still have money from my trip to Vegas and provided I have been emancipated from my incarceration in Italy and England. I would take all of my friends down to Cape Town to have a week long jaul at the various clubs, pubs and shabeens where we would get extremely molar and comment on the asset portfolio of hot Cape Town woman. No explanation necessary on this one!

12) Me and my brother would visit Jamaica where we would drink loads of Red Stripe and visit the Bob Marley museum at Nine Mile St Anns! Every reggae lovers dream! We would then visit Cuba and try to have a meeting with Fidel Castro.

13) Try and jump the border fence between Zimbabwe and South Africa at Crooks Corner in the northern portion of the Kruger Park. Just to see if normal people and not Super Habeed can do it!

14) Try and jump the border fence between Mexico and the USA by swimming across the Rio Grande. Just to see if normal people and not Super Mexicans can do it!

15) Visit the pyramids in Egypt. Going back to my nomadic Arab roots.

16) Take a pilgrimage to Jerusalem. What every self-respecting Catholic should do.

17) Take a pilgrimage to Lebanon. What every self-respecting Maronite Catholic should do.

18) Go to the houses of all my ex girlfriends and cause a big scene where I would probably get arrested. What every self-respecting man that staring death in the face should do.

19) Go to Japan where I would purchase a Paul Chen samurai sword and then try to smuggle it out of Tokyo or Yokohama where apon my demise it would be left to my brother. You need written permission from the Japanese government to take a Paul Chen sword out of Japan as it is considered a item of national pride.

20) Have a hubbly at a café in Beirut. What every self respecting South African Lebanese person should aspire to.