Only in Africa

Although I missed Africa a lot when I lived in Dubai, you do get used to a few pleasantries which are freely available to the rest of the world, which you wont find in Africa.

Even Leonardo Di Caprio famously proclaimed in Blood Diamond: TIA mate, This Is Africa.

So I will be discussing a number of the Africanisms that you wont find anywhere else in the world.

Public Humiliation Encouragement

A public debate to change the name of the biggest Airport in the country. Back in the day the airport in Johannesburg was called Jan Smuts International airport, which was named after one of the architects of Apartheid, Jan Smuts. Shortly after Nelson Mandela came into power in 1994 the ANC changed the name of the airport to Johannesburg International Airport because of what the ANC described as a new law which prevents airports being named after politicians. Three months after this the ANC changed the name of the airport again this time to OR Thambo International Airport. Oliver Thambo as we all know was one of the foremost leaders of the struggle against apartheid.

Now I am sorry, if you want to change the name of the airport from one political leader to another, why not just do it. Why drag your name through the mud before doing this?

Shifting the Blame from Pillar to Post

As most of us are aware, 2010 was the first time that Africa had the opportunity to host the FIFA World Cup when South Africa did a commendable job of it all.

That was until the second semi final in Durban between Spain and Germany where the kick off of the match was at 8 pm but some of the fans only landed in Durban at 11 pm to watch the last five minutes of the match.

And this was not because they missed their flights, this was because of the insane volumes of traffic on the runways at King Shaka International Airport.

The airport is run by Airports Company South Africa who are solely responsible for the maintenance and organisation of its runways. But on the night of the semi final there were apparently some jets of VIPs blocking a few of the parking bays at the airport and ACSA officials refused to move them because: “EEEEEEHHHHH you cant jist ask VIPz to move de plane!”

People were standing in cues to sue ACSA, to appease the situation ACSA spokesperson Solomon Mogale came on the radio the morning after the match at 7 am and reported that legally, the individuals have no recourse to sue ACSA because technically they were not at fault as a plane took off and landed, therefore a flight was made.

I am assuming that this excuse was not good enough because Mogale came on the radio again at 10 am saying that if there people really want to sue someone, then they should sue the owners of the private jets, because they are the ones who didn’t want to move.

I’m sorry, once again we have a case of stupid bastards in high positions making thick comments that shows their lack of education! If you, as Acsa, that RUN and MANAGE the King Shaka International Airport are having problems with a few screaming bitches who refuse to move their jets MOVE THE JETS FOR THEM! IT IS YOUR PROPERTY!

By making excuses like the excuses above you are portraying every South African in a bad light because the Brits and the Yaks will now think that the whole of SA thinks like bladdy Solomon Mogale!

The Case of the Magic Spot Fine

Having a hubbly at a mates house last night, the subject of speeding came up. Now a few of my friends have very high powered cars which daddy bought them. These cars are extremely capable of doing well over 200 kms without any real effort. Needless to say that because of this, a few of my mates are what you can call COW BOYS.

So one of these so called COW BOYS was travelling down a road which has a 80 km/h speed limit at 160 km/h. Of course the Askria is going to pull him over and the COW BOY gives the cop the biggest bullshit story in the world and he gets let off. Another COW BOY then suggested that the first should have asked the cop if a spot fine was applicable. This ‘Spot Fine’ would not have been more then R200 and would have never made an appearance in the Metro Police’s Traffic Violation Fund.

New Forms of Transportation

With the petrol price edging ever closer to R10/l consumers are vehemently looking for new forms of transport which will be easy on the pocket.

One of the best places to find this is in the auto trader. New or Used, it is a comprehensive guide to find a new form of transport. And with the new increases in mind, only in Africa will you find adverts such as this for new forms of transport.

What’s in a Name?

You have got to love the way African people name their children. Often, children will be named after specific events which are being played out in the lives of the parents at the time of the birth.

If the family is happy with the birth then the child is named Rejoice, if the child is good looking at birth it will be named Pretty, if Eskom are load shedding then the child will be named Darkness.

But a lot of the Africans with the more priceless names are the “Kwere Kwere” or illegal aliens. Africa must be the only place in the world where you can do your monthly grocery shopping as well as shopping for a ID Book and Passport at the same place. And this is where the real lottery comes in, because you never actually meet the person who makes these documents, you only deal with a middle man. And if you are not happy with the name given to you, then you have to fork out more cash, so 90% of the time the name given to you sticks. Shame!

I’m sure there are many more examples that people can give me. So why not supply them in the comment section below.