Facts of life

This might be one of the more serious posts on this blog people. So please be prepared.

I have done a lot of growing up during my hiatus from this blog. A lot may ask: But how does a man of 28 grow up? Shouldn’t you be all grown up already. But humans dont come preassembled in their adult form, I think that we never really stop growing up.

I mentioned previously on this blog that I was in love with a beautiful woman. Well I was, and unfortunately a little stitch in the fabric of our relationship came loose and everything around us just unravelled.

I was in a very bad place emotionally, I was severely depressed, on medication and seeing a psychologist to sort my life out. A lot of people have told me not to ever talk about this. Never let the people know what you went through, its not right.

But I never was and never will be ashamed of who I was or am. I am an open person, I am willing to discuss my life and the events therein if it benefits others. I am not ashamed to say that I was at times very suicidal, but through prayer and guidance from elders in the Church, I worked through it stronger then before.

It was more of an emotional development then anything else.

Now I find myself in a position where I am a shrink myself, although I don’t have the degree.

Many of the people at work come to me with their problems. I sit, listen and then give the best advise possible. A lot of the time people are shocked and asked me how I could be so understanding. “What did you expect me to say?” Id ask. “Well, I thought you would take sides and favour one side of the situation over the other.”

One of the things that really got to me during my break up with my girlfriend was when people used to run her down. And in hindsight, these people were my friends and were just looking out for my own best interests. But I failed to see what gave my friends the right to run a person down when they don’t know this person or the essence of what makes them a person. Even today, you can say what you want about me, you can insult ME. But don’t insult my family or have a bad word to say about my ex-girlfriend. You are then going into very dangerous territory hunting a beast you are not equipped to kill.

A very good friend of mine is currently having a few issues with her boyfriend over what can only be described by an outsider as bull shit. However it is often the smaller things that damage a relationship as opposed to the big things.

She confided in me and told me that things have never been the same after their issues and the loving interaction is not there. She is even considering a ‘break’ from their relationship.

Personally I don’t believe in ‘breaks.’ You are either in a relationship or you are not. No grey area should exist. Because in a ‘break’ situation you should be afforded a certain degree of freedom which you would not normally receive in a relationship, which you are still in.

Consider this: You are on a ‘break’ and your mates send you an invite to go to a strip club. You go because screw her, she wanted the break. You go there and one things leads to another, you have a few drinks to many, you end up at a bar/club, you get a girl to go home with you, you do the dirty, and then sober up.

Is all of this ok? Technically yes…you were on a break with your girl. Is it wrong? Technically yes because there are still vested feelings involved in a somewhat mess of what is still your relationship.It hasn't officially ended remember!

There is not a woman on this earth who would not leave their boyfriend for good if this happened.

Granted this is the worst case scenario. Best case is your friends invite you out and you spend the night getting drunk and chatting up girls.

But in the best and worst case scenario, the end result is the same.

I found this out the hard way: No matter how much a person loves you, no matter how far developed your relationship is, no matter how much he/she tells you they want to spend their lives with you and you are the one. None of this matters because the aggrieved person will drop you like a bad habit with scant regard for you or your feelings!

At the end of the day, very few relationships can survive these types of ‘breaks’. Look and asses the events that led up to this ‘break’ if you can talk and work through it, do so. If you cant then break up, because if you cant talk through it now, you wont be able to three or four months down the line.