Bladdy Dumb Brits!

Public Disclaimer: As a rational human being I am fully aware that the actions/intelligence of a few individuals is not a reflection of the society as a whole. This post is to highlight the actions/intelligence of those few individuals and is not meant to influence any persons overall perception of a particular society/country.

Howzit!

Another one of my more popular blog posts was the one I did in 2009 concerning the dumb nature of the people from the expanse that is known as the USA!

Unfortunately this stupidity is permeating to the rest of the world through the American media and the insatiable apatite of the Middle and Far East for ANYTHING that remotely resembles American.

Now if stupidity was limited to the USA, then only a certain portion of the younger generation would be showing similar intelligence traits.

However, we also have the British based media models to deal with. Where certain people are equally as stupid as the Yanks.

Its not so much the message of the programme which influences people, rather the culture it portrays. For yonks the Brits have been portrayed as a bunch of colonialists who think that they are Gods gift to earth. They love Pork Pies, Football and going down to the Pub for a Pint and a Scrap!

But how far does this love for football and colonialist God's gift mentality go? Pretty far unfortunately.

According to the Metro, a newspaper based in the UK, a Bolton Wanderers fan quit his job on the weekend to go and watch the FA Cup Semi final between Bolton and Stoke at Wembly on the weekend!

Apparently the 50 year old sheet metal worker who has lived in Australia for 23 years, and earns £38 500/y, originally asked his boss for some time off to travel to the UK to watch the spectacle.

The boss declined his leave application citing a busy work schedule for the company. So the man unveiled classical British Gods Gift attitude and took matters into his own hands and handed in his resignation in favor of the football.

Stoke City beat Bolton Wanderers 5-0.

So now the man is homeless and jobless all for his team getting an absolute hiding.

How stupid can you be! Surely the unpredictable nature of sports means that there was a 50% of Bolton loosing the game. Why sacrifice your job?

WANKER!

Sad thing is this man is 50 years old and will struggle to find a job in the UK. So we have another case of British Ambition...go straight to the Doll my son!

Another perception of the Brits is their legendary drinking status.

In 2006 I was fortunate enough to be part of the press contingent that covered the Dubai Desert Classic.One of the golfers who I had the misfortune of interviewing (or trying to interview) was Ian Poulter.

Ladies and gentleman, besides Paul Gascoigne, Poulter is the biggest piss cat alive. After the tournament a lot of the player’s went to the clubhouse at the course for a few cold ones, getting in with my press pass, I got a few good sound bites. So I go up to a drunken Poulter, who has a beer in each hand and one on the bar in front of him, to ask him how his tournament went. His reply?: “Piss off mate we're getting involved here!”

Nice to know Ian… Nice to know!

My final point of the post is also the perception that girls from Essex are slags. Which they are.

I used to frequent a British styled bar in Dubai called Double Decker and was always ALWAYS warned as to the wild and woolly ways of the Essex girls. When I asked how I would identify one, a friend would always tell me: Oh you'll know Jonno...you'll know!

For the purposes of this next section is must be noted that after living and working with English people I lost my Souf Afrikan accent in favor of a Cockney British accent.

So after trying to get 3 words out of Poulter concerning his golfing prowess, I hit the Decker and to my utter amazement I hear wild woman like screams coming from the top level. So I make my way there and there are a bunch of very attractive girls in snow white high heels dancing in a circle around their handbags.

This must be it I told myself so I went to the bar and got a pint of Strongbow Cider. Not to long afterwards one of the girls placed herself next to me at the bar and we got talking. The first thing I asked was if she was from Essex.
"Why? You a Donky Lasher?" she asked in reply.
"I dont understand...A WHAT?" I asked.
"Blackpool, are you from fooking Blackpool?"
"No. Im from South Africa," was my reply.
"Good!" she said just before banging her glass on the counter and shoving her tongue down my throat.

Apparently there is quite a big rivalry between the people from Essex and the people from Blackpool in Dubai. I only found this out over breakfast at her place.

One misconception that I disproved was that the Brits are dirty (as in no bathing. Trust me she was dirty where it counts), because this girl was very clean and tasted like strawberries.