Looking back on life

Salamu

Have you ever sat back, re-looked at your life and start to develop feelings that your current life is not as on track as it was five or ten years ago? This is often followed by feelings of regret, resentment or general displeasure. 

This is currently the situation that I am faced with. And while I am on an honesty streak on my blog I might as well put it down here in the hope that someone will comment with some suggestions on mitigating factors that I need to put in place in addition to the ones that I will name at the end. 

First of all, lets look at what was happening in my life five years ago (because 10 years ago i was at university and all i had to care about was drink and honeys). I was working my way up the ranks at South Africa's top Engineering and Mining Magazine, I was getting to expand my horizons in the sense that I was going on business trips to Zimbabwe and Zambia (not top of everyone's bucket list of places to visit...but how many y'all been there? thought so!), I was flirting shamlelessly with a girl I would eventually fall in love with, there were parties and weekends getting molar causing trouble with the askria, I was popular with a number of people and had a range of friends that I could have a good time with. All was good. 

But life has a way of happening. It has a way of taking you down off that pedestal that you put yourself on and it throws a whole lot of bullshit at you to see if it can destroy you. and that's a fact of life....it ain't for p###ies. (im sorry if that offends some people. but it is the best description of it). 

I am now in a position where I sit at night in Durban asking myself where it all when't wrong. which also kind of kills me because I have wanted to live in Durban my whole life and now that I am here my life is VERY far from the perfect one I imagined I would have. 

I think it all started when I thought I knew everything about myself and there was no room fro growth. One stupid decision on my part (a momentary lapse of reason which caused me to have a brain f##k ) was the main cause of a breakup which affected me emotionally and took me a long LONG time to recover from. I over reacted and tripped about one STUPID ASS status update on Facebook and got my shit f##ked up. 

So here is lesson number one. Be careful which woman you are jealous with and especially be careful about what to be jealous about. Women like guys to be jealous within reason because it shows you care, but if you are jealous around the wrong girls and jealous about the wrong thing. Don't say the Lion of Lebanon didn't warn you. 

Another thing which affected me bad was the death of my dad. and whats surprising is that if you knew me and saw how me and my dad were with each other you would have thought I would say this. My dad and I hated each other and the way we lived our lives. But that don't change the fact that he was my dad and he loved me in his own way. He died alone without my mom or me next to him. The fact that I didn't get to say goodbye to him is something that will hurt me for the rest of my life. Especially since I promised myself it would be different after the death of my grandfather. You see...I also didn't get to say goodbye to him. 

Lesson number two. Be generous with your love while you still have people to give it to. Tell your family everyday that you love them. Even if they think you crazy, even if they think you killed somebody or are on drugs, even if they cuss you because you are repeating yourself. Take it from me...you don't want to live life with the regret I have. 

Transform yourself into an emotional version of a wolverine.
Wolverines are mean bastards who ain't scared of shit!

The last thing...and quite possibly the most important thing...is to live life how you want to. And before you try and bring things into your life, sort your own life out first. Ever since my last relationship I have dated a few girls and have put my heart on the line because I am getting to the stage now where I want to find someone to settle down with and have a family with. But I have done all of this without seeing to myself and sorting my life out. At the time I would be heartbroken and despondent questioning how this can happen to me. But now...looking back...if I want to find someone who I am going to spend the majority of my life with, how can I expect them to join me on the journey if I am a broken man? Especially since so much emotional investment goes into relationships, you have to be the emotional version of a Wolverine where only real world shit affects you. Because if you going to have emotional breakdowns over every little obstacle in life, then marriage and children will kill you. Plain and simple. 

Lesson number three. Take time out for yourself. Go on a weekend alone. Spend some time in your own company with your phone off. Cut off communication with the outside world. learn to say: F##k them I ain't answering. Fix yourself and make yourself the BEST product you can possibly be before inviting someone along to sample the goods. 

One again I would love to hear your thoughts. Comment below or pop me a mail at: jonathan.faurie@gmail.com

Mei jua daima kuwa kabla yenu, na vivuli nyuma yako!