Awkward first dates!

Salamu.

I was scouring the news sites this morning for a story with a good yarn, because as you know, as a writer I am always in the mood for a good story.

I came across a story on the IOL website about horrible first dates.

There is nothing as awkward as a horrible first date. And boy I have my fair share of stories to tell.

My first one was when I was still in High School. I got on really well with a girl a year below me and things were starting to progress to the stage where we were developing feeling for each other. so I asked her out on a date, despite the fact that her mom was a teacher at the school.

I met up with her at the shopping center where we were to have coffee and her mom dropped her off. Which is usual. But before we could go and settle down to coffee, her mom wanted to have a word with me first. So at the car she opened her window...and I could tell it would be a bit embarrassing because my date fled a fair distance away from the car. So the mom rolled down her window and said: "Faurie...no funny business with my daughter, you still have to survive Grade 12!"

My date was highly embarrassed and I was a bit shaken as this 'discussion' compounded my already ever present nerves.

I cant say that the date went badly. The girl was charming, delightful and well presented. We did behave ourselves, but I got continuously harassed by all of the teachers at school for the next seven months.

My next awkward first date was when I was staying in Dubai. There was this lovely Lebanese girl who used to pop in and out of the radio station where I worked. We would always smile at each other, but I was scared to be forward and ask her out for fear that she was Muslim. Me being a staunch catholic this would have been EXTREMELY AWKWARD. I don't have a problem with Muslim people and I have a lot of Muslim friends, but I just choose not to date a Muslim girls.

A friend of mine at the radio station was DJing at a top hotel in New Dubai and he gave us all an invite. When I arrive, I was pleased to see that my friend was also friends with the Lebenese girl. So we got chatting and were very interested in each other.

After the evening she sent me a text message saying that we should meet up for drinks on the weekend. I arrived at the bar, The Barasti Bar, and the girl greeted me with the customary hug and kissing of the cheeks. She then leads me to our table where there are a whole lot of other people. What she didn't tell me was that we would be having drinks with some of her former class mates from the University of Nottingham. Nothing will make you feel as awkward as sitting at a table full of intellectuals where you think: "F##k me I'm stupid." Even if you have a degree to your name.

This final first date takes the cake.

I went on this date after recovering from the break up with my ex. Me and the ex had been broken up for almost a year and it was now time to explore my options. I met this girl at our church and we had been flirting for a long time. So I ask her out to dinner and she agrees.

I was the happiest person in the world. That was until the day of the date where she asked if her best friend could come with. I am really keen to see this girl so I reluctantly agreed to the friend coming with.

Worst call I have ever made! The whole evening this friend wanted to dominate every conversation and seemed to steer every one of those conversations to sex! I eventually sent an SOS out to one of my friends saying that I am in need of his services. To his credit he arrived and the friends eyes lit up like the Eiffel Tower. She was clearly into him and was keen on her chances for a shag.

So we left the restaurant and agreed to go back to my friend's house for a hubbly. Myself and my date went in my car and her friend and my friend went in his. He has a Chevrolet Lumina SS so he drove like the bats of hell were after him. I must have got 10 phone calls during my drive there asking where I was.

We got there and we had our hubbly, my dates friend was all over my friend. They did nothing more then kiss and when we went home I gave her my friends number just to shut the bitch up. I never have, and probably never will, be sworn at as much as I was the day after that date. My friend cursed me the whole day calling me every name under the sun and phoning me just to say "F##K YOU".

The article on IOL is a good read, in fact, my awkward first dates seem tame compared to these. I have posted some of my favorites from that article below. They all come from England....which says a lot!

@rhodri Went on a date with a man who kept an overly large coat on. Reason became clear when he stole my handbag while I was in the loo.

thisismadeup

@rhodri I dated a proto-goth who spent the entire meal asking me to describe dead people and how peaceful they looked (I was a cop then).

elle_c_emm

@rhodri Guy’s opening line was: “How many cats do you have?” Me: “Eh… two.” Him: “Knew it.” Then told me about time he ran one over.

Bohemiangirl

@rhodri One gentleman took me to the pub car park to show me his motorbike. He revved it for about ten minutes then did a lap and drove off.

squirill

@rhodri Friend got so drunk she fell asleep on the loo for 20 minutes then couldn’t find table again. Date had to stand and wave across restaurant.

The Independent