Salamu
My Niggas!
Besides The Kingdom of Heaven my favorite movie of all time as to be Gladiator. My favorite scene from the movie is just after Maximus (Russel Crowe) is praying to the ancestors to protect his family. He turns to his servant Cicero (Tommy Flanagan) and the following dialogue takes place...
Maximus: Cicero. Do you find it hard to do your job?
Cicero: Sometimes I do what I want to do, other times I do what I have to.
These two lines...this little dialogue...a minute of spoken words says all you need to know about life. And it can be applied to any situation. One such situation is that of a first date.
Not many people appreciate the significance of a first date. A successful or unsuccessful first date can set the tone for your whole relationship. I think as a younger person you spend many sleepless nights worrying about the occasion, but as you get older the worry wears off because you just know what is in store for you.
Being 30 is turning out to be a landmark age for me. In more ways than one. While all of my other friends are married with kids I am staring down the barrel of a first date. Granted it is with the girl of my dreams and a girl who i have gotten to know and become very close to. And I am sure the evening will be a success. but that doesn't mean that I can become complacent and not be weary of the fact that the occasion is what it is...a first date.
I have had my fair share of rough ones. And I have learned from experience which will hopefully mean all will go well. It is this experience Mabibi na Mabwana that I hope to pass off to you as my public service
Lesson Number 1: It is a First Date, ANYTHING can go wrong at any time.
You need to know this because there will be nervousness from both sides and this means that you will not be 100% at your calculative best. Nerves bring about mistakes, mistakes bring about situations. They will occur, the question is how will you react to it?
I remember a first date I had with a girl in High School. We really liked each other and once we worked past the teenage bullshit of sending letters to each other through third parties we arranged a date for coffee. We met at the shopping center and as she arrived she told me her mom wants to have a word with me and she walked away. I go the car and she says to me: Faurie...if you break my daughters heart Ill fail your ass!
Yes Mabibi na Mabwana I made the mistake of dating my Science Teachers daughter.
So much for that first date going off smoothly. Instead of purring like the well oiled engine of a Ferrari it coughed and spattered like the well oiled engine of a Fiat Uno.
Lesson Number 2: Location Location Location
Bearing in mind Lesson Number 1 you don't want the restaurant to be the proverbial 'Dragon in the Middle of the Room', that's just madness. The hallmark of a great sporting team (besides Liverpool FC) are that they take advantage of playing at home in familiar surroundings to gain success.
For heavens sakes...go to a restaurant or coffee shop that you know well. Even better go to an establishment where you know the waiters and tell them to treat you right because it is a first date. In the past I used to always pick a different location for a first date and each one of them was dodgy. Once I settled on a venue I knew well, I was a bit easier with my surroundings and I never made a fool of myself.
Lesson Number 3: Make Sure Your Intelligence is Sound
Here I am not referring to the grey matter in your head and your ability to recall the first president of the USA or the length of the Trojan War. I mean intelligence about your partner. Make sure you ask the right questions leading up to the date...even if you risk her asking if you work for the FBI.
If your date is a vegetarian don't take her to a steakhouse. And if she is particular about what she eats make sure you cater for that. A bit of groundwork at the beginning of the relationship where you make her feel like a Queen will only benefit you downstream my friend.
Those are the three golden rules of a first date. If they are followed, then you should have a good evening. I say should because it doesn't stop with these three.
Here are some Do's and Dont's regarding first date etiquette:
- Do treat her like a Queen. Greet her with a bunch of flowers and possibly a gift. Be careful with the gift though. Stick to something small and simple. NO UNDERWEAR. Open the car door for her when you pick her up and each time she enters and leaves the car. Also open the door to the restaurant for her. And always let her enter a place first.
- Do all the driving. DO ALL THE DRIVING.
- Don't eat food that will be messy or stinky. Maybe pass on the pasta or the Mexicana Pizza for the first date stud.
- Do complement the girl, but don't be overbearing. After you are seated and the drinks have been delivered to the table. Look her in the eye, take her hand, kiss it gently and say: You look very beautiful tonight.
- PS: Her eyes are on her head. Don't stare at her cleavage and say this.
- Don't drink alcohol on the first date no matter how nervous you are. In fact it is only acceptable to have more than one drink on like date 10 or 11. Trust me.
- Do be pleasant, start a conversation. And don't be a boor. be chivalrous at all times.
- Don't be scared of silences...as long as they are comfortable.
I have said it before and I will say it again. I don't have all the answers. If I did, I would have achieved much more in my life than I currently have.
Till next time my Niggas!
Mei jua daima kuwa kabla yenu, na
vivuli nyuma yako!
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