Heavy Pickup Lines

Its Friday Afternoon on the plains (AKA:where I work) and the Lion of Lebanon is not the most productive person in the world.

A tiny little thing is worrying me. I am a movie buff and can quote scrips from certain movies verbatim. And in some movies I can remember only the best lines. There is this certain dialogue piece from a movie which is stuck in my mind and I can remember the movie it comes from.

Man: I thought it was a good line
Woman (blushing): It was a very good line.

People if you can remember the movie or even the two actors from this scene...please...help a brother out in the comments section.

This relates to the second topic of today and a topic to take with you into the weekend and the jauls you might have. Pick up lines.

I heard some ABSOLUTLY terrible ones at gym on Tuesday night. At gym you may ask with a look of utter shock and disgust on your face. Yes gym. Tracy even gave a a look of utter shock and disgust when I told her this just now.

Anyway: my favorite person to listen to at the gym has been profiled on this site before and he is without a doubt the biggest bullshitter alive. He is also the dirtiest man alive. He once said that he doesnt come to gym to train he comes to take roids and look at assets as well as bottom strategies. So now you know about the calaber of the man. He is relentless. A women cant walk past him in the gym without him trying to flirt with her or throw a one liner at her. The otherday there was this fairly attractive 31 year old woman training at the weight section and he just wouldnt stop so he asked her how old she was and she said 31. He then shouted "31! Mr Wolf...do you know when last I felt 31?" Mr Wolf, playing along, answers no. So BS said "Right now" as he put his arm around the lady's shoulder!

WTF! How desperate are you to try and pick up girls at the gym with pick up lines like that! SIS MAN MAMNEEGH!

So now its Friday night...you're dressed to the nines, perhaps even ten and a half, and you are in the mood for a heavy jaul! Problem is if you are a girl you have the prospect of facing a night of avoiding the worst imaginable situation: A night of avoiding bad pick up lines!

A memorible bad one was back in my heavy jauling days, the days when we used to give the Askria trouble out of the back of our Arabia's with the Gamroh pumping Milk Incorporated's La Vache out of our sound systems.

Our favorite spot used to be Night Fever (which is now Casablanca and is across the road from my current favorite haunt Hooters) and Tuesday nights used to be Free Drinks Nights. You pay 50 Rand and you drink all you can for free between 8 pm and 10 pm. One one such night I was at the bar getting a drink and heard a certain Lebanese boy say: “Yes I know I look like Bruce Willis, I must admit, I’m only now getting used to the attention I get!” This is the same guy who used to use: Dont you think I look a little bit like Bruce Willis as a pick up line to girls when he was sober.

I mean really come on now. When I heard him belt out the Night Fever line I gave him a WTF look and he shouted: SPIN IT! SPIN IT! SHOOF THE BINNIT!

For my part...I was never one for pickup lines. I always preferred the strategy of buying a girl a drink, asking her what her name is, and taking it from there.

But how does it feel to be on the receiving end of these lines? From a girls perspective? Well lets ask Tracy.

Here is something I always wanted to find out. How does a girl handle such situations in the most amicable way? I mean if she laughs at him he might loose his temper and pop her one on the eye (with the fist people...with the fist), if she 'disses him' then the guys friends turn him into the laughing stock. In both these cases she is branded a BITCH. If she just gives the guy a dirty look and walks away she runs the risk of being branded a LESBIAN.

Below are some of the worst lines I have come across:

1. Just call me milk; I'll do your body good.

2. Your body's name must be Visa; because it's everywhere I want to be.

3. Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?

4. I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your Bed Rock.

5. Want to play house? You be the screen door and I'll slam you all night long.

6. Excuse me; do you have your phone number? I've seem to have lost mine.

7. I'm new in town -- can I have directions to your house?

8. If your left leg was Thanksgiving and your right leg Christmas, could I visit you between the holidays?

9. You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.

10. Hi, I'm a necrophiliac, how good are you at playing dead?

FML... how heavy is number 10? How MOLAR do you have to be to get to the stage where you belt out lines like that? TERRIBLE! once again: MAMNEEGH!

Unless something drastic happens over the weekend at Hooters my next post will be from my favorite African city (besides Durban and Inhambane) Lusaka.