Airport Madness and How Spar is 'Good for You'

Salamu.

Sometimes life has a very nasty way of taking something that you were looking forward to and F##king it up. I mean by making the experience so un-enjoyable that you stop and ask yourself: 'Do the ends really justify the means?'

So I flew to Zambia on Tuesday and I am a firm believer in getting to the Airport early for International flights just in case there are some nasty surprises in store. I was only due to check into my flight to Lusaka at 5:55 pm, but I arrived at Ortia at 3:30pm. I walk up to the SAA desk and ask the lady to check me in. She tells me that there is a problem with my ticket and what insued was three hours of me phoning the company who organised my trip to Zambia and swearing them broken to the stage where SAA called the pigs for me at the departure terminal who told me that they would 'clap me in irons' if I did not 'display a greater level of self restraint and decorum'. NIGGA PLEASE! LIKE A PIG EARNING MINIMUM WAGE KNOWS THE MEANING OF DECORUM! But I never told him that.

Eventually I got flight tickets 20 minutes after the flight closed. I had to make like Jessie Owens and break all sprinting records running to the boarding gates from the ticket counter. People were giving me daggers as I pushed in at the passport control desk but it needed to be done.

I got on the flight and an associate of mine asked me why I held the plane up, I told him that we would catch up in Zambia as I am ready to kill someone. What i didn't notice was that at the exact moment that I said that a flight attendant was standing behind me and said to me that it was not the best thing to say on a plane full of passengers and that if I dont make my way to my seat then she would have to call the pigs for me.

I tried my luck once...I doubt I would be so lucky a second time.

I was livid at this stage and found my seat. I was so pissed off and aggravated that I didn't even flirt with the two really cute blonde sisters who were sitting in the same row as me on the other side of the isle! And they were the cutest little things I had seen in a LONG TIME!

Being in Zambia was amazing. I got some really good stories and got to peruse a shopping center to see how our African brothers live.

And I came to the conclusion that Zambia should just be made another province of South Africa! No bull-shit. They have Shoprite, Mica, Mikes Kitchen, Wimpy, News Cafe, Rhapsodies and Ster Kinakor. All South African founded brands.

Another famous South African Brand which I saw was SPAR! So I popped in to pick up a few things for the fridge back at my hotel room. And to my amazement they sell alcohol at Spar! And I am not talking about your run of the mill Wine (which is sold at Spars in SA as well) but Beers and Hard Liquor!

And a beer in Zambia costs R6! Ask any South African when last they paid R6 for a beer and they will have to go back more then 10 years!

So I filled my fridge at the hotel room with my second favorite beer in the world (Mosi) and did some work. I then went to have some dinner.

I didn't eat at the hotel for the very reason that I was not keen to pay an arm and a leg for a toasted sandwich that would make me more hungry then anything else. So I ventured back to the shopping center where I ate at the ZamChick Inn. Which is a piss poor attempt to rival KFC.

Talk about a limited menu. You have a choice of either 1 piece with chips, 2 pieces with chips, three pieces with chips, four pieces with medium chips or five pieces with 2 medium chips.

So I go for the four piece as I am ravenous. It took 10 minuets to prepare and the chicken was EXTREMELY brown. Either they had deep fried it really well or deep fried it in oil that was a week old. I was hoping it was the former.

I then had to be up at 4:15 in the morning on Youth Day to make a 7:15 am flight. I have never been asked to see my passport as many times in my life then at the Lusaka International Airport. Not even in ZIMBABWE when they KNEW I WAS A JOURNALIST!

All in all Zambia was awesome but I was so run down when I got back to SA that I slept most of my Youth Day.

Fun times!