What you make up on the roundabouts, you loose on the swings

South Africans have generally got a lot to smile about sporting wise. For a country as small as ours we have the tendency to produce some of the most tenacious naturally gifted sportspeople in the world. Only Australia has a better reputation for its size.

But lately South African sportspeople have taken their eyes of the ball as it were.

The biggest disparity is in Athletics and Swimming. South Africa made its return into the international Olympic arena at the Barcelona Olympic Games in 1992, South Africa had mixed success with Elana Meyer the only athlete to bring home a silver medal which she came second in the 10 000 m race.

In Atlanta in 1996 we showed the world our true potential, In the pool, Penny Heynes won double gold in the 100 and 200 m breaststroke events while Marianne Kriel won bronze in the 100 m backstroke. On the track, Hezikiel Sepeng won silver in the 800 m, Josia Tugwane won gold in the marathon.

Sydney 2000 was the year that we started to fall. In the swimming Terrence Parkin won silver in the 200 m breaststroke while Penny Heynes won bronze in the 100 m breaststroke event. In Athletics Llewellyn Herbert won bronze in the 400m hurdles and Hestrie Cloetie won silver in the high jump.

In Athens we fared a bit better. Roland Schoeman won bronze in the 50 m freestyle and silver in the 100 m freestyle. The 100 m freestyle relay team won gold. Mbulaeni Mulaudzi won silver in the men’s 800 m while Hestrie Cloetie once again won silver in the woman’s high jump.

So it took us 10 years and 2 Olympic Games to win our next gold medals.

The 2008 Beijing Olympics was a write off. Why pitched up no one knows. We won nothing in the pool, a traditional area of strength, and one silver medal on the track with Khotso Mokoena winning silver in the long jump.

Watching the Fina world champs last night, where South Africa still has only won one bronze medal, you ask yourself, where are we going as a nation in a traditional area of strength. Granted we don’t have the money to spend on the development of the sport that countries like the US and Australia have, but something needs to be done to resolve the situation.

What perplexes me is that the majority of our swimmers are based at the top training bases in the US where they get the best training, so why cant they take that training and convert it into results?

The Department of Sport and Recreation did a in depth probe into our abysmal Olympic campaign and paid particular attention to swimming where great things were expected, but nothing materialised.

Poor management was blamed for the fact that we never won a medal. After the 100 m relay team lost the final reports surfaced of descent shown towards the swim teams manager and a scuffle between Schoeman and the manager came to life. Schoeman claimed that the management were unorganised while the management claimed that Schoeman was egotistic.

Whatever the reason was, Government needs to realise that the problem of development exists and that if nothing is done quickly, we are going to have many more lean years. There is no future up and coming swimmers on the horizon that are of the quality of Schoeman and Ryk Neetling.

For the first time in 10 years, South Africa does not have a golfer in the Top 20 ranked golfers in the world. Ernie Els is getting on a bit and Retief Goosen just cant make the grade at major championships. Once again, outside of these two golfers who do we have? Who are our up-an-coming golfers? Since winning the US Masters last year Trevor Immelman has fallen off the map and hasn’t won anything or even threatened to win anything.

The only sports where we have a lot to smile about is Cricket and Rugby. After the win over the All Blacks on the weekend coach Graham Henry said that the current Springbok team is the best he has ever came up against and that it is worthy of the number one world ranking. Bookmakers have South Africa as favorites to win the Tri Nations tournament as a result of Saturdays win. As always John Smit was humble in accepting the accolade of being the best team in the world saying that it is always better to chase the world number one spot then retain it for years on end.

In cricket, even though South Africa lost the home series to Australia, we are regarded as the second best test team in the world, and that could change, should the English be able to reclaim the Ashes. Which is a huge possibility. England has a half decent bowling attack with a decent batting order. Australia has a decent batting line up with a bowling attack that depends a lot on Mitchell Johnson. Johnson has been having a bit of trouble of late since his mom accused his girlfriend of being a sharmooto and a child snatcher in the media. Johnson is dating his 45 year old Karate instructor.... He's only 26.

A look back

So the 50th post came and went like the proverbial ‘thief in the night’ I was planning to do a look back on the biggest issues that we have covered and provide additional commentary on them. Well its better late then never I suppose.

The Scarlet Pimpernel
Its seems like I have been writing and not providing a sufficient background of myself. Many of you will ask the key question: ‘ is he qualified to make the statements that he does on his site’

Well a bit more of a background. I am a journalist by trade and pride myself on my keen eye for detail and somewhat critical view on society. Granted I do write for the Mining Weekly magazine, but that just means I’m taught to take politicians less seriously and look beyond the bullshit that they are at times masters of providing.

Now that the ‘Scarlet Pimpernel’ has been unmasked as it where, we can go into the issues with renewed verve.

The Wild West
I wrote a post in early April that likened South Africa to the Wild West. I got a lot of feedback on this article praising it for its accurate comparisons of South Africa’s current social society and that of the tumultuous time in America’s history where the west was being won.

A key aspect of society in the Wild West was that many of the towns were overrun by everyone else except for those in public office. Towns like tombstone Arizona, which were overrun by desperado’s hell bent on general skulduggery, was commonplace.

Although Tombstone had one of the best law enforcers in the country patrolling the streets, the Clanton gang still ran amok ‘rootin, tootin, and shootin’

South Africa is the same. Everyone else, except for those in Government run the country. Hell, JZ should just step down and make Zwelinzima Vavi the president. South Africa has seen no less then 22 strikes since October last year. 90% of which were organised by Cosatu.

In fact it is considered un-South African to not participate in some form of strike action. And the frequencies of the strikes are increasing. 2 weeks ago the doctors were on strike because of their wages, as soon as that ended the SABC went on strike, last week the construction industry went on strike, and this week the petrochemical industry might go on strike.

But as stated before, the crowd in South Africa is fickle and will strike at the drop of a hat and for any old thing.

Africa’s Showpiece
2010 is a big year for South Africa. It is the year that we host the second biggest sporting event in the world, the FIFA World Cup.

This has been a hotly discussed topic because of concerns of South Africa’s readiness for the event.

The FIFA Confederations Cup was used as a dry run for the World Cup and by all accounts the event was a success, but there were problems.

One of the challenges was the public transport system to the stadium. Owing to FIFA being a bunch of anal bastards, all access roads with 2 km of the stadiums were blocked off. The public were to use a park and ride system to get to the stadiums. There were major problems here as people were arriving late to the stadiums and took two hours to get back from the stadiums to their cars.

2 major incidents stick out here. During the match between Brazil and Egypt, played at the Royal Bafokeng Sports Palace, the majority of the fans only got to their seats after halftime. In the other incident, when Italy played Egypt at Ellis Park, people were left stranded at 11 pm at night two blocks away from Hillbrow.

There was also a major culture shock for a number of people coming to SA for the first time. Watching soccer in a civilised country such as Italy or Spain you are subjected to fans who drink a bit, take their shirts off and chant a bit. If you are in Italy you might get a Vespa thrown at you from the top tier of the San Siero. In South Africa, you have to watch soccer surrounded by fans with balaclavas over their faces, vuvuzela’s in their one hand, a dictionary in their other hand, and a cut up hardhat on their heads.

All’s Well that Ends Well
I suppose that South Africa is still the best place on earth, you get a real appreciation for that when you live away from the country like I did when I lived in Dubai for 2 years. Granted there are a lot of things about Dubai that I miss, but the whole time when I was there I missed South Africa terribly.

On a personal note I fell in love with the most beautiful girl in the world. Its funny how finding love can change your life. Much of the credit for many pieces on this blog can be given to Jessica who has given me the inspiration to enhance my skills as a writer, and my life in general.

Lunatics and Eccentric Behaviour

No matter how normal society wants to be there will always be lunatics and people with eccentric behavior that will stuff up that maxim and ultimately make life interesting for those around them.

Springbok rugby coach Peter De Villiers, who will from this day on be referred to as P Divvie, gave us a bit of an insight into the mind workings of a loon when he came out with a barrage of unacceptable comments after the second test between the British and Irish Lions and the Boks.

Concerning the Schalk Burger eye gouging incident, P Divvie said that we should all go to the shops and buy ballerina outfits and change our sport because rugby is to physical for us.

Now although Divvie has a point in that the Brtis are not renowned as the hardest men on earth, however, a) you cant support an incident such as that as eye gouging is pretty serious, b) its one thing calling the Brits a bunch of soft bastards among friends, but you cant do such things in the media. You will be branded a loon. Oh… and then he made a comment along the lines of: if South Africans wanted to go around eye gouging people they would go to the Northern Cape and do it there, again a poor stab at our racial past. He also tried his hand at being the next Mohammed Ali, telling the world how great and unstoppable he is, except... who would take a person who’s voice hasn’t dropped yet seriously.

Another mad bastard is the president of the ANC Youth League…. South African Rocket Scientist of the year 2008….. Julias Malema.

Malema was in the equality court last Friday for comments made in the run up to the 2009 Presidential elections. In the run up to the elections there was a lot of hoopla made about an illicit liaison Jacob Zuma had with a HIV positive woman. It was alleged that he raped her and didn’t use a saddlecloth in the process. It was then reported that the woman was a family friend of Zuma and that Zuma had a cold shower after the pumping session to get rid of the HIV.

The rape charge was laid and in the lead up to the lections, Malema came out and said that the woman was not raped and that she enjoyed her time with Zuma. GREAT COMMENT!!!!!!!!!!! So in court his advocate told the judge that Malema’s comments were misconstrued and taken out of context. LIKE BLADDY HELL THEY WERE! I suppose the kill for Zuma comments and the comments about Naledi Pandor and her fake accent were taken out of context to.

He’s a prime candidate for Loon of the year.

When you watch Formula 1 racing you’d associate it with class and finesse , especially since the races take place in locations such as Monaco. But one look at the administration of the sport and you will change your mind. Last year, reports leaked out that geriatric FIA CEO Max Mosley was seen having a pumping session in an upmarket London Hotel with sharmoot’s dressed up as Nazi’s. He denied the reports, but when tabloid newspaper News of the World produced photographic evidence supporting the fact, he resigned.

A year on from this and the sport was just recovering from the incident when current CEO Bernie Ecclestone praised Adolf Hitler in the media for his ability to ‘get things done’ again…. Ecclestone now claims that his comments were taken out of context.

The final act of lunacy for today comes from the world of Rugby League where a player from the highly respected Sydney Roosters decided to have a dump in the corridor of a hotel because he couldn’t get to the shush in time.

You’d think that an isolated incident. NAY NAY. Read the below stories from the world of Rugby League in Australia.

The Roosters have been prime offenders with two players charged over a bar scuffle which left a woman's face bruised and even coach Brad Fittler fined 10,000 Australian dollars for being found drunk and half-naked at a team hotel. In June, former Test player Greg Bird was jailed for at least eight months for smashing a glass into his girlfriend's face, leaving her with a fractured eye socket and a cut eye, just weeks earlier, the sport was rocked by a documentary detailing a group sex incident involving one of its legends, Matthew Johns, who lost his job as a TV pundit afterwards. Officials are also in the firing line, with Cronnulla Sharks CEO Tony Zappia stood down for showing a female employee, whom he had accidentally punched, a pornographic email and asking whether she wanted to spank him.

The incidents have prompted a crisis of confidence among players, with 60 percent telling a recent survey they were embarrassed to be part of what is widely regarded as the world's most competitive rugby league.

What world do you live in?

In May, I wrote about the dangers of having a narrow view on the world, that the world is bigger then your little sphere of existence.

I visit this topic yet again, but from a completely different point of view.

One of the biggest gripes I have with the international community is the perception that they have about Africans. You would swear that the rest of the world developed and got roads and buildings and electricity. Whereas Africa still has dirt roads with rickshaws as transport and fires for energy.

My first encounter with this was watching a test match between South Africa and England at Kingsmead. Myself and my best friend Michael were sitting in the stands at the Old Fort Road end getting horribly drunk when a scaly British girl came and sat next to us. She must have been butt ugly, cause even after 10 hunters dry she was ugly. Anyway…. We digress. After putting 3 bottles of sun cream on her nose she asks us if we live in SA. We replied that we did and she goes into this thing that she always wanted to sleep on a beach and wake up the next morning. She then asks if she can do that in SA!

I mean really!!!!!!!!!! Come on!!!!!!!!!

The oldest skewed perception of South Africa is our living conditions. While in Dubai I made a few American mates and all they could ask if we have lions in our backyard and do we go to work on the back of elephants.

And its funny that everyone has this perception about Africa, but Africans don’t ask Americans if they have Apache Indian Raids at night, or if they have Grizzlies walking around in their back garden.

My best is the ‘African Americans’. Every time you hear an interview with a African American celebrity and the subject of South Africa comes up you will hear: ‘Id love to go back to South Africa, it will be a home coming for me to see where my ancestors came from before being brought as slaves to America.’

NOW HOLD ON……. I wish that one day the interviewer would look the celebraty in the eye and say: ‘You aint going home to shit.’ Allow me to explain: Yes there was a big slave trade to the US from Africa…. WEST AFRICA, the slaves came from Nigeria, Cameroon, and the Ivory Coast. Not South Africa. If they were shipped from South Africa to America, they’d die! Or take 15 years to get there.

Wackjob boxing promoter Don King made this mistake when he came to SA about 13 years ago. One day he woke up and pronounced that he wanted to go to Soweto. While there he was walking through the streets, with miniature US flags in his hand, making peace signs and screaming “I’M HOME EVERYBODY! I’M HOME!” He then made his way to Winnie Mandela’s house and screamed at her gate “WINNIE!!!!!! WINNIE IT’S DON KING HERE! IM HOME WINNINE LET ME IN WINNIE. DON KING IS HOME.” Winnine never let him in, rather she sent her security personnel to him at the gate and he was told to piss off.

Below are some real questions posted on a South African tourism website, the responses might be real but don’t quote me that they are.

Q: Will I be able to see elephants in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Durban to Cape Town - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only two thousand kilometres take lots of water...

Q: Can you give me some information about Koala Bear racing in South Africa? (USA)
A: Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific. A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe which does not... oh forget it. Sure, the Koala Bear racing is every Tuesday night in Hillbrow. Come naked.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Hillbrow, straight after the Koala Bear races. Come naked.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in South Africa who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca, which is where YOU come from. All South African snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

Q: I was in South Africa in 1969, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Hillbrow. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.

South Africa's National Past Time... be proud of it

Every country has a national past time. An activity that symbolises the country when you look at it.

The USA pioneered the thought of a national past time with the establishment of Baseball. It is said that there is a game of baseball played somewhere in the USA every day of the year. And it considered UN-AMERICAN to not like the sport.

Even though the USA isn’t the current baseball world champions, a title belonging to Japan, everyone automatically associates the sport with the USA.

In the Far East its martial arts. And each country has a specific martial art that is indicative of the country. In China the national past time is Kung Fu, pioneered by the great Bruce Lee, in Korea it is Taekwondo, and in Japan its Aikido, Judo, Sumo, and Kendo. Children as young as four years old are enrolled in martial arts schools as the martial arts is seen as an extension of a deep religious and family value system.

So just a word of advise……. Don’t go the Far East to start some shit. You’ll get beat the hell up by some wiry Oriental that has the capacity to kill you with an index finger. In the Far East the saying: ‘ its not the size of the dog in the fight, rather the size of the fight in the dog that counts’ rings true.

What would South Africa’s national past time be?

There are a few candidates for the position. The obvious three are soccer, rugby, and swearing at taxi drivers on the road.

But none of these come close to striking, or as my African brothers put it: TOI TOI’ing.

TOI TOI’ing started in the apartheid years when the laws of the country forbid more then five persons of colour to congregate in the same place at any one time. Towards the end of the era, when the walls of the apartheid government were really falling down, scenes of mass protest were organised just to piss off the government.

You’d think that 15 years into democracy things would change. LIKE HELL IT WOULD CHANGE. The old adage that ‘a leopard never changes its spots’ is an old adage for a reason.

In the past two years there has been TOI TOI’ing once a month. And the TOI TOI’ers will TOI TOI for anything.

Lets take this year as an example. In May, Metro Bus workers were pissed off about the salary structure for senior drivers in the organisation….. they TOI TOI’ed for 5 weeks. Just after the Metro bus workers went back to work, in June, … the taxi drivers were not going to be outdone by their ‘comrades’ so they TOI TOI’ed about the implementation of the Bus Rapid Transit system being implemented by government. Just after the taxi drivers went back to work. Later in June, teachers in Soweto were pissed off about some shit and they TOI TOI’ed, a week after that, actors, producers, and screen writers TOI TOI’ed outside the SABC calling for the sacking of the entire board. Even Riaan Cruywagen was seen shouting insults at the company he has worked for since Moses parted the Red Sea. At the end of June, doctors in KwaZulu-Natal were not happy about their wage structure so they TOI TOI’ed leaving patients in the hospitals stranded and in the shit. This was quite a big one as doctors around the country went on strike in solidarity with the KZN doctors.

It is now July, the doctors have just returned to work, and the national union of metal workers are planning to down tools at all 2010 World Cup Stadiums to TOI TOI at SAFA’s offices at Soccer City.

Now you would think…. Come on are we not blowing this whole TOI TOI thing out of proportion? Bare in mind….. The strike action by the Taxi Drivers over the BRT system has been going on and off for over a year….the strike action by the doctors over wages has been going on and off for a year.

And then there is WITS. During the apartheid regime the University of the Witwatersrand was a cesspool of student dissension towards the apartheid government. Every year GUARENTREED there was TOI TOI’ing at Wits. As with the rest of the country, because the crowd is fickle, nothing has changed in 15 years. You can bet your mortgage on the fact that at least once a year, every year, there will be some shit at Wits.

And South Africa must be the only place in the world where there are professional strikers. People who will go to a strike, jump up and down, shout protest slogans, do a bit of a dance, and not know what the hell he/she is doing there.

Just as it is UN-AMERICAN to not like baseball, or UN-ASIAN to not participate in some form of martial art. It is surely UN-SOUTH AFRICAN to not TOI TOI.

You are not alone

There are certain events in history that have a profound affect on people that they can remember precisely where they were when that event occurred.

The first for me was when Lady Diana died. I was in a shopping center with my dad waiting to pick up my mom from work. The day that the World Trade Center was under attack from Al Qaeda I was at university.

The day Michael Jackson died I was asleep in bed. Ok fine it doesn’t sound profound, but the man died at 1:30 in the morning. Normal people are asleep at that time.

That being said my girlfriend contacted me at 1:30 and told me that she was watching the news when she saw it. I still love her, even if she has insomnia.


Michael Jackson - Billie Jean (Official Music Video) - Click here for another funny movie.

What can be said about such a great man? Jackson revolutionised the music industry. He was one of the cow boys I referred to in one of my earlier posts. He made pop what it is.

You know a musician had a profound effect on the industry when artists credit you as an inspiration to their careers. In the rock industry that man was Little Richard, in Pop its Michael Jackson. One of the highest selling artists of modern times, Puff Daddy…or is it P Diddy…. Or is it Diddy, said that Jackson made the music come alive. Like you could actually see and feel the beat instead of just listening to it.

Jackson grew up in a huge family where he was the youngest son. His old man was really obsessed with his kids taking advantage of opportunities that he never had and he encouraged his kids to make a name for themselves in music. Michael started performing with his older brothers from a young age as part of the Jackson 5. One of the earliest images of Michael was of a 6 year old kid sing ABC and Rocking Robin.

	Micheal Jackson and the Jackson 5 - Rockin' Robin
	Found at bee mp3 search engine

In 1972, at the age of 14 he made his first solo recording, Ben. He then went completely solo in 1980 and was responsible for the highest selling album of all time in Thriller.

I grew up with his music. In the 80’s you couldn’t turn on a radio or a TV without seeing Jackson. I LOVED Jackson. I was, and still am, a HUGE fan. This was to the disgust of my grandfather, who came from the apartheid era.

My earliest memory was going to a party aged 7 and all of the kids dressing up in that leather suit that Jackson wore in his Bad music video.

The thing about Jackson that was amazing was that he wrote most of his own material. and wrote songs that changed lives and peoples perception about music. One of his biggest songs of all time: Billie Jean is still one of the biggest party draw cards in the world.

And one could say he was the protagonist of the music video concept. Thriller was a 15 minute visual specticle that really kicked off music video's.

Thriller - Music Video
Uploaded by dreadcentral. - Full seasons and entire episodes online.

He was relatively quiet in the 1990’s music wise, although he did make headlines for the wrong reasons. He had a significant child molestation case hanging over his head, of which he was acquitted, as well as questions of his mental stability and sexual orientation.

He made a comeback in the 2000’s with new songs that appeared on the history album.

Say what you want to about the man, and you can have any ideas about the mans personal life. The man made good music. And its funny how the best advise about how to change your life came form a man who was ridiculed like he was.

“If you want to make the world a better place take a look at yourself and then make that change.”


There is a huge sadness associated with his death. A sense of emptiness. But I suppose this is what our parents felt when Elvis died.

Rest In Peace Michael. Legends never die.

Lying to the Law

Nobody likes the law. In fact I think it is one of the hardest jobs in the world, behind a gravedigger and an undertaker.

There is just something about the law that brings out the worst in people. Even the staunchest religious person will forget their upbringing to try and dupe the law.

We all know there is a minor matter of the Confederations Cup soccer tournament being played in South Africa at the moment which pits the World Champs, the Hosts of the next FIFA World Cup, and the five Continental champions against each other in a mini soccer world cup before the real makoy a year later. One of the teams participating is Egypt, who are the current African Champions.

The day after their 1-0 win over Italy during the week last week, Egypt reported that a bunch of desperados broke into their rooms and stole money. Because it is a crime against foreigners, the law decided to actually investigate the affair.

What they found out is that it wasn’t a break in by desperados as previously reported, rather an incident for the vice squad. You see, after the win over Italy, the ‘Gypto’s decided to swing from the chandeliers and have a party. And of course, as with all parties, there were a few sharmoots involved, and it was them that stole the money from their rooms.

Now what was a bunch of good Muslim boys doing with hellcats in their rooms? Please note, these are men who are governed by honour, Islam frowns down upon drinking and fornication outside of marriage.

So the team lied to the law in an attempt to keep their honour intact.

But everyone has lied to the law at one stage in their lives. On a trip back to Dubai from Jordan, I tried to sneak an open bottle of Jack Daniels onto the plane to enjoy as ‘in flight refreshment’, predictably, I got pulled over at the X-Ray machine and was given the 3rd degree about the dope. To avoid a fine a spoke in Afrikaans, the Arab cops obviously asked me to speak English and in my best broken English I explained that I never knew the law pertaining to the non carrying on of open liquor onto the plane as in South Africa it is common place to do this. So they let me off with a very aggressive: ‘hallas! Move on! next!”

Of course I know that you can’t take an open bottle of alcohol onto the plane, but that never stopped me from trying.


A work colleague of mine is a bit of a party animal and goes out on the piss at least 3 times a week. On the way home from Manhattan on Friday night she was pulled over and was going to be given a fine for drunk driving, To avoid spending the night in the gabbis, she balled her eyes out and cried a river that her boyfriend had dumped her that evening, and that she has no direction in life and that she hopes the cops arrest her. The cops obviously were a bit nervous of this charade and sat her down and told her that everything is going to be fine, and that she must find Jesus and that she must go home and sleep. Granted, her boyfriend did leave her……… over a month ago.

And its funny how the law works. Its all about how you sell it to them. Ok fine, the Gypto’s got caught out and have some explaining to do when they get home. But can you see the weakness in my story to the law in Jordan about the gamroh, and the weakness in my colleagues story to the law about her boyfriend?

At the end of the day, its always good to try a gambit or two on the law. You’ll probably get out of it.