Growing up in South Africa

Salamu

So I turned 32 on Saturday. And while I am  by no means over the hill, or overly experienced at this whole

thing called life, I can say that I have lived a bit and have experienced things that some of my 30 year old friends haven’t.

One of the things I have to deal with on a fairly regular basis is stupid questions about South Africa. I meet people pretty often and some of them are introduced to me through friends I have in other countries. I was speaking to a friend in Northern Ireland one the weekend and one of the people he introduced me to asked me if we have lions as pets and what do we feed them. Another person, this time from Canada, asked me if Black People still walk around with chains around their necks as if they are slaves.

I thought that they were joking and I told them that I find their attempt at humor a bit dry for my liking…but humorous none the less. I was then devastated to find out that they were in fact being dead serious.

This prompted me to write this post: Growing up in South Africa.

I was born in 1982, so I only really grew up in the 90s. And the 90s in South Africa was an exciting time, Apartheid was coming to an end and a bunch of old farts who previously had a stranglehold on privileges in the country were coming to terms with the fact that these had to now in fact be shared out. A frightening thought indeed for these people. These people were easily identifiable, they always wore smart pants and button down shirts…even to the local super markets. At these supermarkets, they could be found in the aisle’s where the canned beef and baked beans were stocked. They would be buying R1 000 (which was quite alot in those days) worth of the stuff  to go with their R5 000 (a lifetimes supply) stock of candles. If they were not at the supermarket, they were in church praying that they be forgiven for their sins, or on their front yard porches cleaning out their shotguns and rifles.

I know that the majority of my posts are humorous…but this is not an attempt at that humor. I am in fact being quite serious.

The reason for this is that the National Party (the ruling political party at the time), had made the firm decision to release the late Nelson Mandela from prison. This would mean that democratic elections were inevitable and that the ANC would take over control. This was a frightening thought for the older white population as they feared an ANC apocalypse on white people similar to that of the zombie apocalypse seen on The Walking Dead. And this all had to do with the release of one man.

There was a lot of hype about the release of Nelson Mandela, and by the stories I was told of the man as a youngster….I was expecting a psycho crazed mad man with 35 bombs strapped to his chest and an AK47 in each hand to appear on the TV. I was quite surprised, and surprisingly disappointed, when a normal looking….older black man appeared on the TV. I walked up to my mom and grandfather and told them that they were full of shit for lying to me. Fast forward four years to the first elections and we saw lines at voting stations where people waited up to 5 hours to cast their vote. As with all countries, old people, disabled people and people with babies get put to the front of the cue. My cousin was three at the time, so we recycled her among all the family members at one voting station and then took her to another and passed her between 15 friends at other stations. That child had 19 mothers that day!

So while the 90s was a frightening time for the older white South Africans, it was a great time for younger white South Africans because we didn’t actually give a crap about blacks vs whites and racism and all of that bullshit. We just spent the time laughing at the old people telling them how full of shit they are…no matter what types of beatings we got as a result. Every bruise was worth it.

Then came the lifting of sanctions, and OH MY WORD it was like we were in heaven. We finally got to own a pair of Nike’s and Addidas! We also had access to television shows and movies which were banned under the old regime. MTV, VH1…..Rap Music….Motown. Lionel Richie could finally sing on the TV without someone passing a derogatory comment. James Brown could finally sing on the TV without someone throwing something at it. Stevie Wonder was still subjected to racist jokes about why he smiles all of the time.

Things got back to normal for us…but not for the rest of the world’s perception about South Africa. After university, I moved to Dubai for two years. If I had a dirham for every time an Englishman or Yank asked me a ridiculous question about South Africa, I would not be working in the corporate environment. I’d be sipping Pina Colada’s on a beach in the Maldives with not a care in the world. One guy even had the cheek to bring up apartheid and the fact that I ‘oppressed’ people in a job interview. Um….I was born at the end of apartheid and never oppressed anyone. Take your head out of your pompous English arse and live in the real world you prick.

And because of our political stability, which was due largely to the wise leadership of Mandela, the country opened its borders to tourists who had a blast because of the strength of their currencies vs ours. And it’s always amusing to see people walking around Johannesburg city on edge because they weren’t quite sure if there was still a chance of an ANC apocalypse on white people similar to that of the zombie apocalypse seen on The Walking Dead. Others, like the Americans, were arrogant enough to walk up to black people, hug them, and then proclaim: You’re free my brother! To which the black person would push him away and say: Voetsak Mlungu!

For those who don’t speak South African…please allow me to translate that statement. Voetsak is Afrikaans and is equivalent to telling someone to f##k off in English. Mlungu is Zulu which is a derogatory term used towards white people. It quite literally means sea scum and is used to describe both actual sea scum and white people because our forefathers came to South Africa by sea.

What is it like living in South Africa today? The ANC has been in charge for 20 years this year and black people are still calling white people baas (boss) or master not because they are forced to…but because it is so ingrained into them. And when you say to them: you are free…I am not your boss or master, they say: Sorry baas. But we can also have a laugh about racism as well. I regularly refer to any black male I come across as brother and I get a huge smile and warm service. When a black cop stops me, I roll down my window and ask: is it because I am black? My success rate of getting out of fines by using this statement currently stands at 56. The cops just laugh at me and let me go because I made them smile.

Mei jua daima kuwa kabla yenu, na vivuli nyuma yako!