Don't get out of hand at the office Christmas party

Salamu

There are very few instances where we can have an absolute party at work which is actually sanctioned or even arranged by management. There is one event that the whole office looks forward to the whole year…The Office Christmas Party.

This is an opportunity to get absolutely hammered at the company’s expense right? This is a night to throw your name away right? The answer to both questions is actually: WRONG. Office parties can often prove to be mine fields where a wrong move can significantly damage your reputation in the company.

Traditionally, I have never been a fan of office parties…no matter when they are in the year. I mean, who really wants to spend the evening with a person you can barely stand seeing in a corporate environment? I make it a point of being one of the first people to leave, regardless of what gets said about me the next day.

But, these parties are unavoidable and there are two major rules one needs to bear in mind when approaching such events:

-          - NO OVER DRINKING.  Chances are very good that you think your boss is an arrogant prick who is a slave driver and an under payer.  There is honestly not a person on this earth who feels that they are compensated fairly for the work that they do. And as we all know, alcohol loosens the tongue quite significantly. So it may be wise to bypass a situation where you tell your boss what a miserable bastard you think he/she is.

-         -  BE PUNCTUAL. The rules that apply to work apply here as well. Also, if you are punctual, you can greet all the necessary people and make an early getaway without being noticed.

I will tell you a few stories about people who acted wrongly at the Christmas parties I went to. I will keep the names of the people and the companies anonymous in order to protect all of those involved.

What do you mean we got out of hand at the Christmas
Party? That's not us! That's our stunt doubles!

When I first came back from Dubai, I worked for a very well respected trade magazine which was the top magazine in their industry. But the people who ran the company were a bunch of conservative sods and took their poor staff payment policy into the Christmas party. The bar tab that they traditionally organised was R5 000 for 30 people and their partners. So safe to say this would have lasted maybe an hour or two.

However this didn’t deter one lady who was a 24 year old girl had the mind-set of 16 year old who was at her first alcoholic house party. She came prepared and got a bit hammered on her own account. To her credit, she waited until all of the senior management was gone, but she locked her eye on a junior manager and proceeded to get up on the table and attempt to do a rendition of what she thought was a sexy and provocative table dance. This didn’t end well because as she turned to show this manager her ass. She fell off the table, and split her head open.

VERY NICE DUMBASS…NOW EXPLAIN TO SENIOR MANAGEMENT WHY THE RESTAURANT IS CALLING THEM AT 11 PM TO TELL THEM THAT THERE IS AN UNDERCOVER  DEMI MOORE WANNABE FROM OUR COMPANY WHO THINKS SHE IS REENACTING A SCENE FROM THE MOVIE STRIPTEASE. AND ALSO EXPLAIN WHY YOU HAVE 10 STITCHES IN YOUR HEAD WHICH MAKES YOU LOOK LIKE YOU JUST GOT OUT THE RING WITH ‘SUGAR’ RASHAD EVANS.

The second one was when I was working in Durban. The company I was working for at the time was owned by a youngish guy who liked to drink and party. And the Christmas parties of this company were notorious for getting out of hand. So after the theme for the party was decided, a lady came around and asked who would need taxi rides home which the company would organize at their expense.  As per usual, I made an early exit, but the next day I had to hear stories about how one pissed person told one of the senior managers how much of a miserable bastard he is.

There was also an occasion where there was a Christmas party at our bosses house. A work colleague of mine brought his brother along. As the evening progressed, the alcohol was flowing very copiously. my work colleague disappeared to pass out in his car while his brother was still drinking. There was a party at another house in the estate so when the colleagues brother couldn't find my colleague, he walked over to the house and searched for him in every room.  it turns out he walked into the main bedroom where a couple was having some hot sex. He tapped the guy on the shoulder and asked him what was going on. 

There is always a time and place for these things to take place and there are times when you can have a lot of fun at work functions. One of the best times I had was on a business trip to the Democratic Republic of Congo. The company that arranged the trip was opening a branch of their office in Lubumbashi. As the evening unfolded, quarts of Simba beer were being consumed as if it were sweet nectar from the Fountain of Youth. It eventually ended with me leopard crawling back to my room where I eventually passed out.

I suppose it has a lot to do with the environment and the people that you share the evening with. I got on very well with the people from the company who took us to the DRC and the fact that we were in another country where EVERYONE was getting drunk and throwing their name away, which made the whole experience ok.

But there are a few tips though. It is not advisable to consume alcohol whilst on malaria tablets and it is not advisable to get drunk the night before a flight back home.

Mei jua daima kuwa kabla yenu, na vivuli nyuma yako!