Anger Management

Salamu

Today I am talking about anger and anger management.

I was reminded about this topic last week when I was watching Bruce Lee’s Enter The Dragon. There is a scene where Lee is training a young fighter and tells him to never attack in a fit of rage because it clouds the mind.

And one doesn’t realize it until it happens to you. Last week Friday as I was sitting at work overlooking the beautiful Durban Harbor I saw this squall coming in which brought bad weather with it. Now when there is bad weather, people that normally drive like shit go completely loopy and completely disobey the rules of the road. Town becomes gridlocked and it takes me an hour to travel five blocks between my parking garage and the motorway that takes me home.

This is not the ideal way to spend a Friday night because when all you want to do is get home and relax you end up haning to negotiate spending an hour of your life in traffic (an hour which you will never get back) trying to live with savage taxi drivers that get their licenses from lucky packets or vending machines.

Anger manifests in different ways in different people, meaning no two people experience the same build up to anger. The first sign of anger with me is that I switch the radio off because I cannot deal with noise around me. I must drive in complete silence. Second, I feel a stabbing pain starting in my chest that gets stronger and stronger as the anger builds. Then I start blowing my hooter and banging my steering wheel. And eventually I open my window and go full agro on the person who I deem is pissing me off.

I am generally not an aggressive person and my girlfriend can testify to that. But when I am angry I am one of the most dangerous people alive. My grandfather always told me that there is nothing more dangerous than a wild animal that has been cornered with no means of escape. In essence this animal has to fight for its life. Humans are the same…when we are pushed to our limits, when we feel sick to our stomachs and all we see is red we become that cornered animal. See that Lion at the top of my page...that's what you become!

Thankfully this does not happen to me often, but it is not a nice place to be. What mechanisms are there to control your anger? How does one channel them positively?

Two of my favorite comedies of all time are Anger Management and Analyze This.

Anger Management is a great show about a normal working guy (Adam Sandler) that is forced to attend an anger management courses with a Psychologist (Jack Nicolson). Basically Sandler is put in very explosive situations where, like me, he could have gone full agro on people. In one situation Nicolson encourages Sandler to sing the song from the musical Westside Story: I Feel Pretty. This achieves its objectives as it has a calming effect on Sandler.

Analyze This is the first movie in a two part series about a mob boss (Robert DeNiro) who struggles with his anger and is encouraged to see a psychiatrist (Billy Crystal). In one particular scene DeNiro says that an instinctive reaction when he gets angry is to pull out his gat and start shooting people. He gets angry during the session and Crystal urges him to shoot the cushion on the couch. This achieves its objectives as it has a calming effect on DeNiro.

Now I am not likely to break out into song singing I Feel So Pretty in traffic and I am also unlikely to pull out a gat and shoot my car seat. (Although this may have a great effect on the people who piss me off in traffic because after I shoot the car seat I would point to them and say: You’re Next).

I have a different coping mechanism. Once the initial rage passes and I can once again face my radio I put on a CD which has Chris Rock’s comedy on it. Laughing at Chris Rock making fun of black people is quite enjoyable when it is all you see when you drive around Durban.

Mei jua daima kuwa kabla yenu, na vivuli nyuma yako!