Its hard to make decisions staring down the barrell of a smoking gun

So the British and Irish Lions are in South Africa to prove once again that the allegations that the men from the north are Toffs is unfounded.

For those who don’t know who or what the hell I am talking about, the British and Irish Lions is an invitational team made up of the best that Wales, Ireland, sometimes England, and sometimes Scotland has to offer. This team assembles every four years and tours either South Africa, the criminal Australian’s or the sheep shagging New Zealanders.

So once every 12 years we get to host a smaller group of about 40 scaly Brits, and a larger group of about 800 rank scaly Brtis. The last tour was in 1996 and we had a crap time of it. The Lions beat South Africa by 2 tests to 1. It could have been the other way around if Henry Honiball kicked more the 1 out of 12 over the three tests, and if someone shot Neil Jenkins it would have helped.

The fact that we were coached by a rank F Ing amateur in 1996 also compounded our woes. At least Peter de Villiers has a decent record behind him.

This time around I think the Lions are staring down the barrel of a smoking gun. And when that happens you cant make decisions.

The Lions starting 15 is a mystery to everyone. Who will play on the day?

Unlike John Robbie who refuses to put his proverbial on the block I have attempted to make a few summations. Lets see how far off I am.

With an invitational team, combinations are important. You want key players who know each others game playing together.

Because England and Scotland have got nothing to offer the Lions this year, the starting team will be predominantly Welsh and Irish. The player who picks himself is the captain Paul O’Connell, a likely lock partner for him will be Donnacha O’Callaghan. You’ll need someone who knows the rhythm of the jumpers to throw into the lineout so Jerry Flannery should play hooker.

Right so there’s your two locks and hooker sorted.

Then we go to the next pivotal game axis, that of your half backs.

Word on the street is that Welshman Mike Phillips is the best that the north has to offer, should that be the case then Stephen Jones will play flyhalf.

2xLocks, 1xHooker, 1xScrumhalf, 1xFlyhalf sorted.

Actually, Flyhalf is still debateable purely because you cant leave out Irishman Brian O’Driscoll out. The brains trust might opt for Ronan O’Gara at flyhalf. However the scrumhalf-flyhalf combination is more important then the flyhalf-centre combination, so I’m going for Jones.

2xLocks, 1xHooker, 1xScrumhalf, 1xFlyhalf, 1xCentre sorted.

It’s a toss up with the rest of the team. Jamie Heaslip should play open side flank, Martyn Williams should play blindside flank, and Andy Powell should play eigthman.

The outside centre berth is a toss up between Jamie Roberts and the Sheep Shagging turncoat Rickie Fluty. Roberts has youth on his side and a six nations trophy to his name. Fluty has the brand turn coat to his.

Welsh wing, and IRB player of the year 2008, Shane Williams picks himself at right wing with Lee Halfpenny and Lee Byrne making up the rest of the back three.

The two token bastards are actually key men to the Lions success. Scottish Tighthead Prop Euan Murray and English Loosehead Prop Andrew Sheridan are key men to break down the Boks dominance in the forwards.

So my Lions starting team is:

15) Lee Byrne
14) Shane Williams
13) Jamie Roberts
12) Brian O’Driscoll
11) Lee Halfpenny
10) Stephen Jones
9) Mike Phillips
8) Andy Powell
7) Martyn Williams
6) Jamie Heaslip
5) Donnacha O’Callaghan
4) Paul O’Connell [Capt]
3) Euan Murray
2) Jerry Flannery
1) Andrew Sheridan