Dirty Europeans and Crackhead Politicans

Howzit.

I have to pose a question to my European audience. Once again please feel free to comment on this, in fact, you are encouraged to because the question I am about to ask is a hard one and might be seen as an attack on the European continent as a whole.

The question is: Why is Europe filled with dirty old bastard men who like pumping underage girls or partaking in role play sex activities with people other then their wives or mistresses?

I ask this after the resignation of IMF chief Dominic Strauss Khan after it surfaced that he assaulted a hotel maid in a sexually inappropriate manner. How he got his Zub up is another story because he lookes as old as the hills and probably needs a quarter Viagra just to use the toilet.

I purposely asked why Europe is FILLED with such men because there is more then one instance that I can point to.

We all know about the troubles which are assailing Signore Silvio Berlusconi who cant resist the jail bait. So much for a man who was described three years ago as a beacon of hope for European leadership and its principles.

Two down.....one to go.

I have outlined the sexual preferences of former FIA president Max Mosley on this blog before. But while we are on the topic of dirty Europeans, lets refresh our memory.

On a weekend away from running the motor racing world governing body, Mosley booked himself int a hotel and instead of 'hitting the streets' as it where he took to hitting 'the asses of Nazi clad prostitutes' as it where.

At first, Mosley denied all of this. But then the British Tabloid paper News of the World published exclusive photographs of the hotel room tryst as well as a video of the whole thing. A few days later, one of the hookers involved in the affair held an exclusive interview with the Sun newspaper in the UK.

All we need now is for Nicolas Sarkozy to be caught with his pants down. Although he will need a long ass ladder to get up close and personal with some of the sharmootos that the European leaders seem to favor.

I would never have brought up the Strauss Khan issue if it weren't for two things.

- I saw a book on the shelves of Exclusive Books the other day titled: Individuals who have stuffed up South Africa. It is a satirical look at the lives of the likes of Eugene Terreblanche, Julias Malema as well as many others who have played a role in the bad publicity that South Africa has garnered in the past.

But what does this have to do with the Strauss Khan debacle? Allow me to explain...

- One of the top candidates for Strauss Khans vacant position in the IMF is none other then South Africa's former Finance Minister Trevor Manuel. I have always attested that Manual was one of the few cabinet ministers who actually was worth anything. Trevor's odds of taking over from Strauss Khan have shortened from 20/1 to 10/1. Last night he gave his first interview discussing the matter to SABC. Since the inception of the IMF its head has been European and once again while the rest of the world is calling for the next head of the IMF to come from a developing country Europe is putting their weight behind a French candidate. Now I am quoting Manual here verbatim: "Any position, where a candidate is selected by birthright over ability is wrong." I was so shocked when I heard this that I almost chocked on my dinner, because although Manuel is right, he was just critiscising Black Economic Empowerment. Recall all of those books that I saw, run a reprint with an inclusion of Mr Manuel please.

At the end of the day, politicians will open their mouths to take one foot out and out the other one in. And Manuel is not the first to say some absolutely stupid shit and he wont be the last. I leave you with a quote from that great American President George W Bush.

"The ambassador and the general were briefing me on the war in Iraq. The vast majority of Iraqis want to live in a peaceful, free world. And we will find these people and we will bring them to justice." Washington DC, 27 October, 2003

And if that was not enough.

"I'll be long gone before some smart person ever figures out what happened inside this Oval Office." Washington DC, 12 May, 2008

Lunatics and Eccentric Behaviour

No matter how normal society wants to be there will always be lunatics and people with eccentric behavior that will stuff up that maxim and ultimately make life interesting for those around them.

Springbok rugby coach Peter De Villiers, who will from this day on be referred to as P Divvie, gave us a bit of an insight into the mind workings of a loon when he came out with a barrage of unacceptable comments after the second test between the British and Irish Lions and the Boks.

Concerning the Schalk Burger eye gouging incident, P Divvie said that we should all go to the shops and buy ballerina outfits and change our sport because rugby is to physical for us.

Now although Divvie has a point in that the Brtis are not renowned as the hardest men on earth, however, a) you cant support an incident such as that as eye gouging is pretty serious, b) its one thing calling the Brits a bunch of soft bastards among friends, but you cant do such things in the media. You will be branded a loon. Oh… and then he made a comment along the lines of: if South Africans wanted to go around eye gouging people they would go to the Northern Cape and do it there, again a poor stab at our racial past. He also tried his hand at being the next Mohammed Ali, telling the world how great and unstoppable he is, except... who would take a person who’s voice hasn’t dropped yet seriously.

Another mad bastard is the president of the ANC Youth League…. South African Rocket Scientist of the year 2008….. Julias Malema.

Malema was in the equality court last Friday for comments made in the run up to the 2009 Presidential elections. In the run up to the elections there was a lot of hoopla made about an illicit liaison Jacob Zuma had with a HIV positive woman. It was alleged that he raped her and didn’t use a saddlecloth in the process. It was then reported that the woman was a family friend of Zuma and that Zuma had a cold shower after the pumping session to get rid of the HIV.

The rape charge was laid and in the lead up to the lections, Malema came out and said that the woman was not raped and that she enjoyed her time with Zuma. GREAT COMMENT!!!!!!!!!!! So in court his advocate told the judge that Malema’s comments were misconstrued and taken out of context. LIKE BLADDY HELL THEY WERE! I suppose the kill for Zuma comments and the comments about Naledi Pandor and her fake accent were taken out of context to.

He’s a prime candidate for Loon of the year.

When you watch Formula 1 racing you’d associate it with class and finesse , especially since the races take place in locations such as Monaco. But one look at the administration of the sport and you will change your mind. Last year, reports leaked out that geriatric FIA CEO Max Mosley was seen having a pumping session in an upmarket London Hotel with sharmoot’s dressed up as Nazi’s. He denied the reports, but when tabloid newspaper News of the World produced photographic evidence supporting the fact, he resigned.

A year on from this and the sport was just recovering from the incident when current CEO Bernie Ecclestone praised Adolf Hitler in the media for his ability to ‘get things done’ again…. Ecclestone now claims that his comments were taken out of context.

The final act of lunacy for today comes from the world of Rugby League where a player from the highly respected Sydney Roosters decided to have a dump in the corridor of a hotel because he couldn’t get to the shush in time.

You’d think that an isolated incident. NAY NAY. Read the below stories from the world of Rugby League in Australia.

The Roosters have been prime offenders with two players charged over a bar scuffle which left a woman's face bruised and even coach Brad Fittler fined 10,000 Australian dollars for being found drunk and half-naked at a team hotel. In June, former Test player Greg Bird was jailed for at least eight months for smashing a glass into his girlfriend's face, leaving her with a fractured eye socket and a cut eye, just weeks earlier, the sport was rocked by a documentary detailing a group sex incident involving one of its legends, Matthew Johns, who lost his job as a TV pundit afterwards. Officials are also in the firing line, with Cronnulla Sharks CEO Tony Zappia stood down for showing a female employee, whom he had accidentally punched, a pornographic email and asking whether she wanted to spank him.

The incidents have prompted a crisis of confidence among players, with 60 percent telling a recent survey they were embarrassed to be part of what is widely regarded as the world's most competitive rugby league.

Election Shenanigans

April the 22nd is once again going to be a significant day in South Africa’s future.

April the 22nd is the day that the ANC looses the election.

Or so believes Helen Zille, but then again, anyone who is the mayor of Slaapstad will make statements like that while high something.

April the 22nd is once again going to be a significant day in South Africa’s future: The Lion of Lebanon is going to vote for the first time!

Yes election time again.

I remember the first democratic elections in 1994, I was a lighty in Std 4 and we were given three days off school, so that the teachers, and the matrics, could go and vote. But that was not the highlight of the time.

My funniest memory from the time is how the NP made South Africans believe that all the infrastructure is going to break down when the ANC took over, this sparked a massive drive to Spars and Pick and Pays by every white person in South Africa to buy tinned beans and candles.

My mom wasn’t innocent in this matter, so me and her went to Spar to buy a few cans of beans and candles just in case the rumors were founded! While at Spar we saw a family member of ours who lived next door to us at the time putting cans and cans of beans in his trolley, while his wife had another trolley filled with packets and packets of candles.

We asked him why he was doing this and he was convinced that South Africa would go into civil war and the provisions were necessary. Mind you this was coming from Eugene Terreblanche’s first body guard. No seriously, the was Eugene Terreblanche’s first body guard. In his pub he used to have the old South African flag on the one wall and the AWB flag on the other wall. He also had enough gats at his home to invade a small country.

Nothing this amusing will happen this time around, however, the road to the 22nd of April has been amusing.

The biggest shock was the split in the ANC. Terror Lekota and Nasima Sheloa got so pissed off with the lawlessness in the ANC, eventually, that they resigned and formed the Congress of the People (Cope).

Since the forming of the party there has been a mass exodus of biblical proportions from the ANC to join Cope.

And it is mildly amusing because there has been copious amounts of mudslinging going on since Copes formation.

Most of this was don’t by 2008 South African Rocket Scientist of the year Julias Malema. Who is not short of priceless words.

He started pissing people off when he said that the ANC Youth League would kill for ANC President Jacob Zuma, people questioned his morals, his intelligence, and his suitability to own sharp objects. After a few days, Malema said that he was quoted out of context. But how far out of context can you take “We will kill for Jacob Zuma”

Then he went on the campaign trail for his president talking shit left right and center. He was seen at the Tshwane University of Technology addressing protesters having a dig at Education Minister Naledi Pandor calling her a fake minister with a fake accent! By the way, Pandor is a ANC member, so he is dissing his own party!

Two weeks later he was having a dig at: the DA calling them a Mickey Mouse organisation, Cope calling them a bunch of angriests, and the IFP calling them rabble-rousers

When the DA responded, Malema took offence, because how dare anyone question him, so he accused the DA of Michael Jackson tactics.

Please someone tell me what the F Michael Jackson tactics are?

The IFP thanked Malema for his statements because they were tantamount to campaigning for the opposition!

A must have in order to vote is a valid ID book. And there was a rush to get one. But I really feel sorry for the people in the pictures in this post as they have to present these ID Books to their IEC offices.

The ANC will win again, there is no doubt about that, but the question is, do you want a missing Ninja Turtle to lead your country?

Welcome to the Jungle: The madness continues

As I said in an earlier post, Johannesburg must be one of the most entertaining cities in the world to live in.

The askria have really made conscious effort to clamp down on Doos taxi drivers who want to put everyone else’s life in danger just so that they can fit in an extra fare that day. Over the past few days in the CBD, the Metro Askria have been stopping taxi drivers and checking their licenses for outstanding fines. And should the wankers drive like shit, going through red robots or driving in the yellow lines, they are arrested on the spot.

Law and due process states that should you break the law you will be punished accordingly. And the taxi drivers have mixed emotions of quietly shitting themselves or rage. Listening to Highveld Stereo this morning one of the bastard taxi drivers goes off in his native language saying that he was stopped and arrested for skipping a red light, but he will be let back on the streets again and he will drive the same.

Now I am very sorry, but this bastard should be locked up and the key should be thrown away. But then again, who is to blame in this situation? Its not the taxi driver's fault that he has shit for brains. So the blame has to has to either be vested with the owner of the taxi company for hiring this rocket scientist or the askria for not locking this man up in a hole and forgetting about his existence!

This massive, and somewhat ambitious, campaign started on Tuesday. The askria arrested 8 drivers and were transporting them to the JHB Magistrates Court. When the unmarked transportation van stropped at a robot in Ntemi Piliso Street, the bastard taxi drivers kicked the door of the van out and ran away into the mist, never to be seen again. Michael Schofield would have been proud!

Its funny how South African celebrities have the nack of making themselves look like utter chops. Again, listening to the news on Highveld Stereo, Big Brother 1 contestant Bradford “Bad Brad” Wood was reportedly seen in Orange Grove yesterday taking pot shots at hoodlums who were running away from a botched cash in transit heist. Wood apparently stopped at a red robot at an opposite street when he saw the thing transpire before him, so he took out his gat and started gun-toting. He was on the radio this morning admitting to his gun toting brilliance and complained that he doesn’t understand why the cops want a statement from him, he was being a good citizen. Just a word of advise Brad, YOU CANT GUN TOTE IN A BUSY INTERSECTION UNLESS YOU ARE (A) A COP, (B) AFFILIATED WITH A SECURITY COMPANY, OR (C)HAVING YOUR LIFE THREATENED. This is not Texas!

For those who haven’t followed the rise to fame of Bad Brad: After being voted out of Big Brother 1 he made a million rand and then started a security company. Between 2007 and 2008, Bad Brad was on the radio once a month bitching and moaning about how some oak f’d him up in the car park of a night club! In late 2007, he started a political party.

It seems like the South African rocket scientist of the year 2008, ANC Youth League President Julias Malema, is not the dumb c#%t we think he is. He was seen leaving Prime Media’s offices yesterday with 3 cars from the blue light brigade, an unmarked Range Rover, and an unmarked Audi Q 7. Apparently the Q 7, the car transporting Malema, was seen doing wheel spins when pulling off. Perhaps he was rushing home to catch up on his Grade 12 maths with William Smith on the Learning Channel!

And finally, this is a classic! On Whackhead’s Window on the World, which will from now on be referred to Doosheads Window on the World and Dooshead Simpson, Dooshead played a clip of an equally dumb c#%t in Wales. This bastard went to a supermarket and purchased a frozen Pizza which was to be his dinner. After opening it he found the pizza had no toppings on, it was just a base, no tomato sauce, no cheese, fek all. So he phoned the supermarkets call center and laid a complaint. After giving the attendant copious amounts of lip and asking him to phone pizza hut to deliver him a pizza, he realises that he opened the pizza upside down and the pizza did in fact have toppings on!

WHAT A DOOS!