Finally! The Lion has come back to life!

Disclaimer: Under the Electoral Act, defacing election posters is a criminal offense and considered malicious damage to property. The manipulated images in this piece are fictitious and by no means represent the views or intentions of the parties involved. The following article is intended as nothing more than political satire.
After an hiatus of nearly two years! Finally...The Lion has come back to life.

And what better stage to make his comeback then on the greatest stage of them all! The Arab world hitting a self destruct button and imploding in on itself!

A few months ago we saw a few mad Egyptians engaging in running battles with the Askria because they thought that a certain Mr Hosni Mubarak outstayed his welcome at the helm of the North African giant.

And rightly so, Mubarak has been in power ever since the assassination of Anwar El Sadat in 1975, making him one of the longest serving heads of state in history after Muammar Gaddafi and Omar Bongo.

So the people of Egypt rallied together, gathered in Tahrir Square a couple of times, sang striking renditions of : "hell no we wont go!" and threw stones at the cops.

Mubarak eventually said that he would step down, as long as no body busts a cap in his ass as he walks in the streets...there was no guarantee of this, and he already said that he would step down, so he went into political exile in an unnamed country.

Incidentally the last African dictator to die in exile was Big DADA (real name: Idi Amin Dada).

We digress. After Egypt it was, and still is Libya.

Officially, the reason for the unrest in Libya is that the public is tired of Gaddafi's almost 40 rule of the country where the rich get richer and the poor starve to death with no jobs. Unofficially, according to Gaddafi, he is the victim of a evil plot by Nestle.

Gaddafi said that the trouble in Libya started because Nestle was adding LSD and hallucinogenics as an incrediant in chocolates destined for Libya, and only for Libya, the youth of the country ate these chocolates and whent mad, and then stirred up trouble!

YES BOY! WE BELIEVE YOU! NICE MUAMMAR! NICE!

After Libya it was Yemen, Bahrain, and now Syria!

Talking to a work college he mentioned that perhaps its unrest like this that will put the country on the right track...agreed...but the sad thing is, like my ancestral homeland Lebanon, the country will be reduced to ruins before achieving this.

What does all of this have to do with SA, well, we had our own problems in the past and it now election time which means that there will be at least one service delivery protest a week leading up to May 18. Should violence spark up, lets just hope Zumatello does not let this country go the same way that Egypt and Libya has gone.

Election and Rugby Shenanigens

Just over a moth away from the elections and things are starting to get a bit nasty on the election front.

Driving to work yesterday the bullet nearly shat itself after I heard that violence marred a TV debate.

Thinking that there was actually rauling on the TV I spent the last two days trying to find out what did happen.

Allegedly, I say allegedly because none of this has been proven and I don’t want the askria knocking on my door for info, supporters loyal to the African Ninja turtle Congress had a heated confrontation with supporters of the Democratic Alliance at a Slaap Staad TV debate. Fists flew and blood was spilled on the street outside of the Cape Town City Hall!

No one seems to know who won the fight, but I don’t think its very wise causing kak in the Cape, anyone remember PAGAD, those oaks have just been too quiet for too long!

But what did you expect from the African Ninja turtle Congress, their bladdy leader Zumatello sings about people taking up their machine guns on a number of occasions.

ZUMATELLO!....... THE STRUGGLE IS OVER MY FRIEND! As General Bantu Holomisa. said, put down the Mshini Wami and pick up a Laptop you rocket scientest!

But this is not the first time violence has marked this election campaign. In February, Morning Live fashioned video evidence of AZAPO supporters bum-rushing the stage and beating down African Ninja turtle Congress speakers on the stage in Port Elizabeth. Apparently they were pissed off that their leader only got 15 minutes on stage while the African Ninja turtle Congress got 45 minutes!

Its seems like racism has reared its ugly head in rugby once again.

The latest incident involves Lions super 14 Forwards coach Leon Boshoff. Boshoff was apparently so pissed off that his team lost the way that they did against the Stormers that he gave the whole team (not only the forwards) a tongue lashing of note.

After the Lions returned from Slaap Stad, Boshoff asked head coach Eugene Eloff to leave the room that they were occupying in order to tongue lash! He proceeded to call his team spineless and told colored players, Earl Rose and Laurence Sephaka that the only reason they have, and will ever, make a success is because they are players of color.

Rose took exception to this and phoned his old man to complain. Me thinks Boshoff is lucky that he never got steeked met a mes!

Granted the Lions did play crap, and granted Rose and Sephaka are not the best players in the world. But if you have a problem with the players rather terminate their contract then go 1975 on them! That’s just perpetuating the cycle of thought that all Afrikaans people are racist.

Mind you, Boshoff wasn’t a player of note himself. In fact, he was somewhat of a journeyman. He was a member of the 1999 Lions team who won the Currie Cup competition. He has also played for Western Transvaal, the Cats and SA A.

This is clearly not a good picture for the game, especially for the Golden Lions Rugby Union who have launched a massive campaign to curtail racism at Ellis Park after a racial abuse incident in the crowd at a Springbok match at the ground last year.

When shit like this comes out, I always find it amusing how people think they can keep it quiet! LEON………. YOU CANT KEEP SHIT LIKE THIS QUIET! WE ARE NOT IN A COMMUNIST STATE……... YOU CANT KEEP SHIT LIKE THIS QUIET!

Boshoff will be lucky if he finds a job in South Africa after this incident.

But how does shit like this get out.

It can get out in two ways. The players involved can run straight to the media or the unions media liaison officer runs to the media. Either way, once the media finds out, it’s a slippery slope!

The same happened last year when allegations arose that “someone” had a haish video of Springbok coach Peter De Villiers pumping in the backseat of his car in Stellenbosch.

After the incident, it emerged that it was the Springbok’s media liaison officer that had the tape.

The most famous incident of rugby shenanigans came before the 2003 Rugby World Cup.

In an effort to galvanise the team and to build team spirit, Springbok Coach Rudolph August Wilkens Straeuli, otherwise referred to as “No Personality” Straeuli took the team on safari to Kamp Staaldraad.

The camp was a series of humiliations, with the ultimate being the whole squad thrown into a pit naked listning to the Haka on repeat!

When this got out it was priceless, the culprit: Mark Keohane, the Springbok’s Media Liaison officer at the time!

It seems like the media officers are actually rat bastards who content themselves with pimping information!

Despite my initial estimations that the Lions wouldn’t do to badly this season, it looks like they are going to struggle! But it wont be because of the players of color, its because the team doesn’t have a decent scrum half and full back!

Crisis? What crisis?

Good Monday people!

Actually, Mondays are very slow for me. It takes the Lion of Lebanon at least 2 hours at work to become remotely productive.

Anyway what a weekend.

I tend to agree with Bradley Geldenhuys’ sentiment that the financial crisis is a bunch of horse shit! I went punting on Friday night, a typical Lebanese past time, and was shocked with what I saw.

Sitting on the roulette table at Gold Reef City Casino, I exchanged my money for chips and gave myself a few rounds to have a look at how the Sharmoot Hubid was spinning the wheel and what numbers were falling. While I was observing, a rich Indian Man, with his 52 gold chains around his neck a gold bicycle chain on his arm and a gold ring on every finger, took out 10 grand and threw it on the table.

Now I’m not used to seeing money like that casually thrown around, unless its at the purchase of a parcel of Gwesh, be that as it may, the bloke got his chips and he proceeded to play as if he owned the table.

Clearly the concept of cautiousness doesn’t apply to him as me with my R250 worth of chips lasted longer then him.


I left the table and came back to have another go at the table and as I sat down, the larney came back and threw another 5 grand on the table. He was a bit luckier the second time around as when I left he was about 2 grand up.

I don’t really go to the Casino’s with the expectation of winning big, the main reason is for the atmosphere. You would think that during a financial crisis like the one that we are apparently in, people would be more cautious with their money! Fat chance of that my friends! All of the roulette tables were packed as was the blackjack tables, the machines were buzzing and the smoking section of the casino looked like the cemetary scene of Michael Jackson’s thriller with all of the mist! Mind you, a few of the Eldarado Park massive walked out there with eyes glazed over like the zombies from the said music video!

The rugby never went well! I think I only called one game correctly! YES YES I know the Sharks lost. Stop the SMS’ please! I K.N.O.W W.E. L.O.S.T! But at least we never fell apart like the Lions! I cant say that I couldn’t see it coming after the first 20 minutes. For a change the Stormers forwards finally figured out that they can actually play rugby! They were nothing short of awesome!

Liverpool blew the Reds away! If they play like this for the rest of the season then they could very well win the league!

I have stated on a number of occasions that the Lebanese love themselves! And its all very well if the girls love themselves, because frankly there is nothing nicer then a dolled up raven haired, olive skinned, hazel eyed beauty in a push up bra with stiletto high heels prancing around! But when the men love themselves and advocate it, there’s a problem!

I had my first encounter with this in high school. At the time, Fabian Khalil used to be a mainer at the Bassonia gym. He was loosing his hair and proud of it! He used to walk around the gym, stop unsuspecting ladies and ask: “Don’t you think I look a little bit like BRUCE WILLIS!” Although this is weird, you would think that was limited to the gym, but it wasn’t.

The top spot for jauling in those days was Night Fever in Fourways. One night there, before getting horribly molar, I was at the bar, and out the corner of the ear I heard, “Yes I know I look like Bruce Willis, I must admit, I’m only now getting used to the attention I get!” Strues Bob, I turn around and Fabian is Zurising himself around a number of girls!

That was nearly 10 years ago.

The latest incident of molar loving oneself happened at Santroghey this weekend! And I called it on Friday!

Warren Jaffa you legendary oak! I saw him at church on Sunday night and usually he gives me some sop story of how he is never going to drink again, and how he got on the bar counter to dance! This Sunday he tells me that he has to ask for forgiveness in church because at Santroghey on Saturday night, WARREN JAFFA, was getting dead molar, danced on the bar counter, THEN TOOK HIS SHIRT OFF, walked around the club asking girls: “Don’t you think it’s a bit nippy in here!?”

STONE COLD ZURIS!

Speaking of Zuris’, Zumatello was on the campaign trail this weekend and hit the churches! Today on Highveld Stereo he was bitching and moaning about why the public are pissed off with him campaigning at churches!

Now its all very well that you campaign at the churches and I am all for it, provided that try and bring back church values into the way you run your country. But when you walk into a Christian church and start advocating abortion and same sex marriages, you are going to get STUFFED UP! That’s how to loose votes 101!

We need to welcome a new follower to the Lions Den! Big up Ms Kerry Arrow, you legendary girl!