Deadliest Warrior

Salamu

I am up to date with True Blood having watched all three seasons available to me to date and I have watched seasons 1 and 2 of the Tudors and am hoping to get seasons Three and Four soon.

Now I am busy watching my new favourite series…Deadliest Warrior

I have spoken about this before on this blog. But that was after viewing a rather one-sided fight between William Wallace and Shaka Zulu. And I only saw the simulation, I didn’t get to see the whole production put into a single show.

The reason I love this series is that I am an Anthropologist at heart. I have read numerous books on Shaka Zulu, Attila the Hun, the Samurai, Vikings and Romans and can say that although I might not be an ABSOLUTE authority on the subject. I can be trusted as a reliable source on specific cultures.

The whole concept of the series is this: warriors which the public think are the worlds deadliest are pitted against each other in a simulated fight to the death. Concept plain and simple! Which is sometimes good for a series. Or even movies for that matter.

Because most of the warriors/tribes are long dead, modern day experts, who are at times direct descendents from the warrior tribes in question, test five weapons of each of the warriors. These tests are then put into a computer programme, designed by Slytherin Studios, which simulates 1 000 fights between the warriors in order to get a winner. This is to prevent a single lucky blow ultimately deciding an important thing such as who is deadliest.

But you ask…if the warriors in question are long dead, how can this be important in any way? Well, as discussed we have current experts who are either passionate about the warrior in question and their fighting methods or are direct decedents of the warrior in question. So MASSIVE amounts of PRIDE is at stake. And as we know, people can get VERY hot under the collar when pride is at stake.

Case in point…last night I watched the episode that pitted Attila the Hun against Alexander The Great. And the experts from each team where at each other the whole episode with sarcastic chirps and trash talking. In the first episode of the first season, Apache vs Gladiator, one of the Apache experts got so offended by a sly comment from one of the Gladiator experts that he picked up a Tomahawk and was ready to scalp him. The only thing holding him back was the other Apache expert.

And the experts get severely pissed of when their warrior loses! In the episode Shaolin Monk vs Maori, the Maori experts [all decedents of actual Maori tribes] were very surprised that they lost. But in true Kiwi fashion, their sense of humour came trough. At the end the expert said: This battle was run trough a computer and said that the little monk guy beat my huge Maori? The computer must be Chinese!

What makes this funny is that most likely the computer was Chinese and the Shaolin monks came from China.

Taking into account the tests put into the production of one of these episodes the concept of the show makes a whole lot more sense to me then the first time I commented on this.

When I originally commented, I said it was rather unfair because certain warriors will be fighting in unfamiliar terrain. And as we all know, some of histories greatest battles have been decided on terrain alone. However, at times it doesn’t really matter what terrain you fight in, superior weapons and armour will account for the advantage gained in fighting in unfamiliar terrain.

Or will it? The first episode matched up a Gladiator with an Apache Indian, and the Apache won despite using rather primitive weapons when compared to the weapons used by Gladiators. This was because the fight took place in a forest environment where the Apache could use many elements of the terrain to his advantage. If the fight had taken place in a ring [gladiatorial arena] environment where the Apache cant ‘sneak up’ on the Gladiator as it were., the result could have been VERY different.

For those familiar with the series, my favourite episodes are listed below:
Apache vs Gladiator
Viking vs Samurai
Green Beret vs Spetsnaz
Shaolin Monk vs Maori Warrior
IRA vs Taliban
Swat vs GSG9
Attila the Hun vs Alexander The Great

I did enjoy the episode William Wallace vs Shaka Zulu, despite Shaka being decimated by Wallace. I just had a problem with the fact that the so called ‘experts’ that they had fighting the cause for Shaka were questionable at best. They had the moves and they were well versed in Zulu warfare. But they had little to no clue on tactics used by Shaka. The production people could have really flown in an expert from South Africa.

Winners from the episodes that I have enjoyed are the Apache, the Samurai, the Spetsnaz, the Shaolin Monk, the IRA, Swat and Attila the Hun.

Now what would be interesting is if we took the winners from the various fights and pitted them against each other. I mean how awesome would it be to see a Samurai warrior up against a Spartan [the winner of the episode Spartan vs Ninja]? Or an Apache against a Shaolin Monk?

I must say that I am very much enjoying this series and hope to get my hands on season three soon.

Vuvuzela’s Vespas and The Deadliest Warrior of All Time

The 2010 FIFA World Cup is going to be a culture shock.

We are only in the Confederations cup and there are already significant concerns about hosting events such as the magnitude of the soccer World Cup in the country. The biggest concern is the park and ride system.

Under FIFA regulations, all access roads within 2 km of the stadium must be sealed off. This means that there is no easy way to get to the stadium. But the South African Rocket Scientists, who are among the best in the world, have come up with a cunning plan to overcome this.

Allow me to introduce you to E-Transi, a shuttle service that takes people from a designated park and ride pick point to the stadium. There are a number of pick up points and a number of busses to get you to the stadium without a hassle. Right? Right? WRONG!!!!!!!!!!

On Tuesday, the 5 times World Champs Brazil were playing the Yanks in a bit of a nothing match at the royal Bafokeng Sport Palace in Rustenburg. Apparently, the Rocket Scientists made such a stuff up off the transport that half of the ticket holding fans only got to the stadium at the end of the first half!

WTF??????????????????????? And then, at the game between Italy and Egypt, played at Ellis Park last night. About 10 000 fans had to wait nearly 2 hours for the bus pick them up to take them back to their cars. 2 hours in the middle of the Ghetto at 10 pm at night!

If that’s not bad enough, the foreigners are complaining about the incessant noise the Vuvuzelas make at the stadium.

Just imagine it from a players point of view. You are used to 40 000 screaming fans in your own country, now you go to a foreign country where the crowd wears balaclavas over their faces, decorated hard hats on their heads, a irritating trumpet and they are carrying dictionaries into the ground!

But I suppose that Hard Hats, Vuvuzela’s and Balaclavas are better then taking a Vespa into the stadium.

At a Champions League game about 5 years ago at the San Siero in Milan, Inter was playing Manchester United, and were getting a hiding of note. About 15 minutes to go until the end of the game a Vespa scooter drops from the top tier of the San Siero onto the field.

Let me repeat that: About 15 minutes to go until the end of the game A VESPA SCOOTER DROPS FROM THE TOP TIER OF THE SAN SIERO ONTO THE FIELD.

How the hell did the Spaghetti’s get the scooter to the top tier in the first place, how did they get it past security, and how did they manage to throw it over the balcony onto the field?

So in South Africa you get dictionary wielding fans wearing a balaclava over their face, a hard hat of their head, and a trumpet in their mouth, in Italy you get a scooter thrown at you!

On my way to PE the other day I got hold of William Faure’s epic series of Shaka Zulu. This pleased me immensely as I grew up watching that and I was, and still am, infatuated with the whole myth surrounding the African Napoleon.

So I was googeling anything and everything related to Shaka and came a across a You Tube video of a simulated fight between Shaka Zulu and William Wallace.

It turns out there are some bored Yanks who have nothing better to do with their lives other then to think who would the most deadliest warriors in the world be, and create a simulated fight between them.

Although I think that this is the best thing out, because I am a fan of random acts of violence, the concept is a bit wrong.

The odds in the battles are really stacked in one particular sides favour. For instance, in the fight between William Wallace and Shaka Zulu, Wallace won. And predictably so. This is because he had superior weapons and was known as a warrior of some prestige. Shaka’s legacy was his military reform to his army. He was never a true warrior himself.

In another simulated battle, they match up a Samurai Warrior with a Viking. Now this is an even match as both had the same style of weapons and a hunger of carnage. However, the Samurai won because the fight took place in a forest. With no snow. So once again the scales were heavily in favour of the Samurai Warrior.

The urban warfare between the Potato Eating IRA and the goat loving Taliban took place in a city, which favors the IRA as opposed to the mountains, which would favour the Taliban.