Only in South Africa

Only in South Africa.

I’ve said it before and I will say it again. Only in South Africa will you see or experience the shit that went down in Johannesburg today.

Today, the 24th of March, the whole of Johannesburg came to a standstill because the Taxi Associations embarked on mass action to protest against the Bus Rapid Transit (BRT) system that Government wants to install for the 2010 FIFA World Cup.

The Taxi owners reasoning behind the strikes is that the BRT will take away money from the Taxi owners. The bastards first started Toi Toing in Soweto, Lens, Eldo’s and Ales, and then slowly made their way towards town.

In protest they closed off all entrances into Eldo’s Lens Soweto and Alex and all exits from there. And they also threatened to shoot-to-kill anyone who tried to sneak out and go to work.

The Askria got wind of this and mobilised the whole JMPD and SAPS to the various areas.

I was on the M 1 going towards Melrose Arch this morning at 7 when the highway towards Soweto looked and sounded like a circus train. 30 JMPD and SAPS vehicles were driving in Formation to Soweto with their sirens wailing. A member of the Eldorado park massive was in the car in the lane next to me. He proceeded to roll down his window, flip the bird at the passing Askria and screamed at the top of his voice: “Its to late for that jou ma se P*&%TE”

Besides the fact that the Eldorado Park massive do have the filthiest mouths in the country is irrelevant. There is actually more truth behind the rant then meets the eye.


The Askria knew that the Taxi owners were getting pissed off for a while now. When the Gauteng Government initiated the Gautrain project, the bastards were Toi Toing in Main Street. And the leader of the various associations promised that this would not be the end. The Askria’s response: “In fact we will not be intimidated by these evil doers, we have lived to close to the woods to be scared by the tokoloshie, in fact!”
WELL DONE! I hope y’all screamed that on the loudspeakers when the mob was throwing stones at you, beating you up with knob kieries and burning posters of Zumatello.

Good news for sports fans is that it looks like the IPL and the ICC Champions Trophy is coming to SA.

This amazes me because a few years ago, south Africa was shunned by the rest of the world.

Does anyone recall how we ran up against Athens for the right to host the 2004 Olympic Games, or when we ran against Germany to host the 2006 FIFA World Cup? Since then we have hosted the 2003 ICC Cricket World Cup, and are now about to host the Champions Trophy and the IPL Word on the street is that we are strong contenders to host the 2015 Rugby World Cup. Maybe after that Slaap Stad can pull its finger out of its arse and put together a strong bid for a future Olympic Games.

One of the reasons that we are popular at the moment is that it is cheap to host a tournament in SA at the moment. Which is true, but would any of this have happened if we didn’t already have the 2010 FIFA World Cup.

Speaking of the tournament, massive efforts to punt the tournament are currently on the way. One of the first events is the World Peace summit organised by the LOC.

EXCUSE ME??????????????? WHAT THE HELL DOES THE LOC HAVE TO DO WITH ORGANISING A PEACE SUMMIT. FLIPPEN MAKE SURE THAT ALL THE SHIT IN SA WILL BE READY BEFORE ORGANISING THAT!

OH and that is not the best. They wanted to get the top peace makers in the World at the summit. And who does the African Ninja turtle Congress refuse a visa to? The Dali Lama!

WELL DONE AFRICAN NINJA TURTLE CONGRESS, WELL DONE!

WELCOME TO SOUTH AFRICA, Yes I have registered to vote So I can complain!

Anger Management and Overweight Cops

So its Monday again, and after a fairly eventful weekend, I came across 2 growing problems in South Africa.

Driving into work this morning, I came to the conclusion that South Africans are naturally aggressive.

It took me an hour to get into work this morning, this was owing to a bunch of overweight, remedial traffic cops who the rocket scientists at JMPD HQ thought they would unleash onto the busiest thoroughfare into JHB CBD!

It pisses me off because if the robots are in perfect working order then there is no bladdy reason to put trainee P.I.G.S. at the intersections. Granted they have to get practice somewhere, but then put the P.I.G.S. who are just about to graduate into full duty at the intersections going into the CBD. Don’t put the remedial bastards that are wet behind the ears there!

Looking around in the traffic jam, the reactions to the traffic ranged from a member of the Eldorado Park massive pumping up his music and lighting a skyf, The older gentleman in the Merc next to me proceeded to bang on his steering wheel and screaming like a youngster at a Brittany Spears concert.

To make matters worse, when the traffic was moving and the oak in the Merc had 3 meters to open his car up, a Taxi Driver in a Sesfigile taxi cut him off and dropped passengers off in the middle of the street. Pulling up next to the taxi I see its my friend who told me that the road was his last month. He clearly recognised me because when he saw me he said “Howzit Whitie”.

When we stopped at the robot where the P.I.G.S. where manning all hell broke loose. With blatant disregard for the traffic behind him, the oak in the Merc got out his car and started lambasting the trainee. So the supervisor P.I.G comes to him and tries to calm him down, he clearly wasn’t succeeding, so the cop wrote him out a ticket for obstructing the traffic!

What is it about SA cops and obesity? I know obesity is a problem worldwide, but is there a criteria on the Cops job application form that says you must weigh at least 150 kilograms and wear a size 52 pants?

Dont get me started on Merc drivers! Coming down Van Der Linde road, the two lane road narrows into a one lane road towards a stop street. So I take the right hand lane hoping to get a chance to get into the one lane by the time I hit the stop street. About 20 meters from the stop street, its me and this middle age bird in a huge Merc ML 4X4 jobbies dicing for the spot. In a stop-start traffic situation, her car has got no added advantage over mine, but she obviously thought I would pull out of the dice.

Needless to say I didn't pull out and I get in at the expense of the Merc who proceeds to blow her hooter and use the foulest language known to mankind at me. Already pissed off at the town incident, I put the bullet in neutral, get out the car, and start walking towards her. She rolled up her window as quickly as she could before I stood at her window and quietly clapped my hands!

I got in my car, turned left into Economides street, and low and behold, the cow is behind me, revving her engine and driving on my ass. Not intimidated, I drive 20kms/h down the road, it makes no difference to me, she is behind me, she hits me, she pays!

Near the Gechor home at the top of the road, she had enough of me drivning 20 kms/h and she pulled off like the bats of hell are after her. And who stops her at the bottom of the street? Ekurhuleni cops giving her a ticket for speeding!

A word of advise, If you ever see a Silver Hyundai Atos with a licence plate VJK 182 GP on the road, the driver has balls of steel and is fearless in the road. Nothing intimidates me!

I love South Africa. You never saw shit like this in Dubai.

It was a good weekend for the Super 14. My boys got back onto the winning streak while the Lions finally won! I called three results correctly in a tournament that is proving to be us unpredictable as Julias Malema’s mouth.


Breaking news is that Joost Van Der Westhuizen has dropped all charges against Heat Magazine and the Rapport in the Haish Movie case.

For those who haven't heard of the case before, please read my post "Celebrities on the run"

Anyway, Joost is dropping the charges mainly because the SA judiciary system takes to long, and in 3 years time, when the case is still ongoing, his kids will be old enough to understand what's happening and will start asking him sticky questions. He also said it would cost to much!

THE MAN IS GUILTY AS SHIT! IM SORRY! If you are adamant that it is not you in the video you will fight the case no matter what your kids say, because its not you in the video right, or the amount of cash involved! Surely the money he will make from winning the case will be astronomical!

And the Lions Den is responsible for bringing normality back to Santoghey. Apparently after getting phone calls from his friends about his name on this site. Warren Jaffer didn’t go to Santroghey on Saturday and never got molar.