Basically the pressure is really on to tell the joke properly, or else you are going to look like a tosser when no one around you is laughing!!
I was at my friends engagement party this weekend, and let me take this opportunity to congratulate Shannon O’Donnell and Alex de Ryhove on their engagement, when I heard a pearler!
One of the molar oaks at the table told us the joke about the late Hansie Cronje and how he did his bit for South Africa when he crashed his plane in George.
This is how he told it:
“youzzzz know. Hansi did his bit for South Africa when he crashed his plane where he did. Because whenzz he wazz in India, he wazz approached by Al Qaeda and was instructed to crash the plane into a place where George W Bush would be. Instead he crashed his plane in a Bush West of George!”
Everyone at the table were killing themselves laughing!
He then went on to tell the joke about the head.
I heard this joke for the first time when I was about 15.
This guy is born just as a head, and him and his brother are very close to each other as his brother has to take him to school and to restaurants and all of that. Eventually the two boys get to the age when they can start drinking and they go to pubs every weekend to have a shot!
Unfortunately, the head has a tendency to get into fights when out drinking. The boys have lived in 7 of the country’s 9 provinces as they have been banned from almost every bar in the country.
They are now living in Gauteng, and have been banned from every bar in the province except for a bar in Brakpan!
On the way to the bar, the heads brother is giving the head a pep talk about not getting into fights! The head agrees and promises that he will do his best not to be involved in a raul!
The evening goes well until the brother goes to the toilet, when he comes out the bar is F'D up. Chairs are all over the place, tables are over turned, broken glass is everywhere, the askria are there! The place is a mess!
The brother starts looking for the head and finds him under the only unscathed table in the bar, he picks up the head and sees that its eye is blue, teeth are missing, and he has a gash on its forehead!
The brother asks the head what happened, and the head said that it want his fault. The one Brakpanner insulted Steve Hoffmeyer, which made the other Brakpanner get up and start moering the oak! As the fight got more violent, someone from the crowd shouted “Hit him with the head!” and that is how the head got stiffed up!
Ever since I can remember, the Irish have been the brunt of jokes!
This one was sent to me by my cousin in Durban!
Patrick walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the corner of the room, drinking a sip out of each pint in turn. When he had finished all three, he went back to the bar and ordered three more.
The barman says, "You know a pint goes flat soon after I pull it ... your pint would taste better if you bought one at a time."
Patrick replies, "Well now, I have two brodders, one is in America and de odder in Australia and
here I am in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised dat we'd drink dis way to remember de days we all drank togedder."The barman admits that this is a nice custom and says no more.
Patrick becomes a regular customer and always drinks the same way ... ordering three pints and drinking a sip out of each in turn, until they are finished. One day, he comes in and orders just two pints. All the other regulars in the bar notice and fall silent.
When he goes back to the bar for the second round, the barman says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss."
Patrick looks confused for a moment, then the penny drops and he starts to laugh, "Oh no," he says, "Bejesus, everyone is fine! Tis me ... I've quit drinking!"
Another Irish joke tells of Pastor Fluff. Now Pastor Fluff went to the local pub after a heavy week at his church and was enjoying a quiet drink! After a while he hears a great noise at the other end of the bar. He look and sees that it is Mary O’Kella getting loud!
Pastor Fluff goes to her and asks her to go home, he even offers to escort her! She agrees, only if the Pastor has a drink with her.
After the drink, Pastor Fluff tells Mary that its time to go. As he picks her up her legs buckle and she pulls Pastor Fluff on top of her.
The Barkeep sees this and doesn’t like it. He gets his shelangly out and goes over to the sprawling couple on the floor. He kicks Pastor Fluff. and says that he wants none of this in his bar.
Pastor Fluff looks up and says: “But I know this woman, I'm Pastor Fluff”
The barkeep looks at them and says: “Well in that case you can finish off!”
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