The End of Days is Nigh!

You heard it here people! Saturday the 21st of May is Judgment Day! Armageddon! The End of the World!

I cant say that you have heard it here first, because it has been all over the internet, radio, television, billboard signage's on freeways, almost every medium that people would access information have these warnings about them!

WHAT A LOAD OF CRAP! HONESTLY!

	R.E.M. - It's The End Of The World As We Know It .mp3
	Found at bee mp3 search engine

Ever since the dawn of time people have been predicting the end of the world. In fact every generation lays claim to be the generation which will see the End of Days! And when the predicted date passes like any other day, all that happens is that normal people laugh at these doomsday prophets and spit in their faces!

There have been very few truly global doomsday prophets, but those that spring to mind (in order of appearance as they say in the movies) are Noah, the Mayans, Nostradamus, and the dude who started the whole Y2K story.

And only one of these people was right [in a way], which was Noah. Nostradamus said that the world would end in 1995 and now 11 years later we laugh at him, the dude who started the Y2K doomsday story said that come midnight on 31 December 1999 the whole world would be infected by a computer virus which would plunge the world back into the dark ages. which would lead to end of days, as we speak I am writing this blog post from my computer at my desk in an office which is run by computers.

Looking at the rationale behind the current crop of doomsday prophets, they claim to have calculated the date of the end of the world from descriptions in the Bible.

The Bible!

Now is this the same Bible which says that the Day of Judgment will come like a thief in the night? I'm not to sure what country the Doomsday Prophets live in...but where I come from, Deperado's don't leave me a note saying: Dear Shalafain, The Lion of Lebanon. On Saturday the 21st of May at 23:00 hours four gentlemen dressed in balaclava's are going to break into your residence to steal your shit! Please be at home, preferably asleep in your bed! If this was the case I wouldn't need to sleep with my baseball bat within reach and a panga under my pillow!

Is this the same Bible which says that Jesus proclaimed not only to his disciples, but to crowds and crowds of people that you do not know the day or the hour by which Gods judgment will come.

Sadder yet, is that there are people (no doubt followers of these crackhead prophets) who believe this shit! There are people at Casio's around the world as we speak! In Las Vegas, Monte Carlo, Maccau and Sun City sitting at the Roulette, Black Jack or Crap tables with the house mortgage, car license papers, life insurance money, inheritance money and putting this on the tables because hey, who gives a shit, its the End of Days! Come Sunday the 22nd these people will be homeless, car-less, and penny-less with quite literally just the clothes on their back to their name!

Aggggggg! For F##K SAKES! I just realised that this means that Manchester United wont have the opportunity to beat Barcelona on the 28th of May

What would you do on the last day? The End of Days, if you knew deep down inside that it was coming?

PS: It seems that Freddy Kruger was more scary in the 1980s then Freddy Mercury. I thought that there would be one or two votes saying that Freddy Mercury was Freddy Kruger! But anyway: Today we have a new poll concerning pop icon Adele.

My premature Bucket List

Seeing as though it has just occurred to me that the Grim Reaper is closer to visiting me then I suspect. It is time to take stock of my life and do a bucket list.

Before I get messages of commiserations and heartfelt tears. Let me state for the record that I am not going to die anytime soon and I do not have a fatal disease! This post is what I would do if I WERE going to die or if I HAD a fatal disease!

I have actually been inspired to do this by a work colleague of mine, Tracy Hancock who is also a new follower of this site. Welcome Tracy...also welcome to Asha and a very very good friend of mine…Eleanor.

This could go on for a while Tracy and I suggested that we limit lists to a certain number of activities. She’s doing 10 and because I always have to be one up on people, I am going to do 20.

1) Bungee jump off the highest and second highest bungee jumps in the world. I saw this in the Amazing Race last night and if the Grim Reaper is going to visit me I might as well show him I aint scared of shit!

2) Get a significant loan from the bank and then travel to Vegas and put it on the tables on the strip. Following on from the first item on the list everyone would agree that it would take balls of steel to do this right! But then again if you have a fatal illness with only weeks to live its not like they are going to haul your ass into a court room asking you for the money!

3) Tour Asia for a month visiting China, Thailand, Vietnam, Singapore, Hong Kong, Burma, Cambodia, South Korea and finally Japan. Something about the east fascinates me. And no, it not their women. The asset portfolios of Asian women are generally not impressive enough for me.

4) Cage Dive with Great White Sharks. Technically I can cross this off my list because I have already done this. But I would love to do it again.

5) Smoke Weed in Amsterdam. I am not a drug user and do not condone it, but again if you have a fatal illness with only a month to live…who cares!

6) Visit the Mayan and Incan temples in Central and South America. When the Irish were walking around in loincloths struggling to master the art of speech, the Mayans and the Incans were already the most civilised nations in the world with empires comparable to the Roman and British Empires.

7) Visit the Trevi Fountain…strip down into my swim trunks…and do few laps while singing “Eye of the Tiger”. What’s the worst they can do to you? Arrest you? Its not like you care that much if you only have a month to live!

8) Visit Buckingham Palace and mark my territory on the perimeter fence. Every English haters dream!

9) Provided I am released from incarceration in Italy and England I would visit the Mosi-O-Tunya. To non Swahili speaking people this is the Victoria Falls. I would visit the falls (from the Zambian Side) have a Mosi beer watching the sun set over the falls while listening to a bunch of Zimbabwean hubeed try and jump over the border fence into Zambia.

10) Visit the Masi Mara during the annual wildebeest migration. Who wouldn’t want to take a hot air balloon ride and get a birds eye view of the worlds biggest mass migration?

11) Provided I still have money from my trip to Vegas and provided I have been emancipated from my incarceration in Italy and England. I would take all of my friends down to Cape Town to have a week long jaul at the various clubs, pubs and shabeens where we would get extremely molar and comment on the asset portfolio of hot Cape Town woman. No explanation necessary on this one!

12) Me and my brother would visit Jamaica where we would drink loads of Red Stripe and visit the Bob Marley museum at Nine Mile St Anns! Every reggae lovers dream! We would then visit Cuba and try to have a meeting with Fidel Castro.

13) Try and jump the border fence between Zimbabwe and South Africa at Crooks Corner in the northern portion of the Kruger Park. Just to see if normal people and not Super Habeed can do it!

14) Try and jump the border fence between Mexico and the USA by swimming across the Rio Grande. Just to see if normal people and not Super Mexicans can do it!

15) Visit the pyramids in Egypt. Going back to my nomadic Arab roots.

16) Take a pilgrimage to Jerusalem. What every self-respecting Catholic should do.

17) Take a pilgrimage to Lebanon. What every self-respecting Maronite Catholic should do.

18) Go to the houses of all my ex girlfriends and cause a big scene where I would probably get arrested. What every self-respecting man that staring death in the face should do.

19) Go to Japan where I would purchase a Paul Chen samurai sword and then try to smuggle it out of Tokyo or Yokohama where apon my demise it would be left to my brother. You need written permission from the Japanese government to take a Paul Chen sword out of Japan as it is considered a item of national pride.

20) Have a hubbly at a café in Beirut. What every self respecting South African Lebanese person should aspire to.

Dont rock the boat, its a long swim to shore

There are many things in the world that are unexplained. Like why is there no cure for the common cold, why the tides are governed by lunar forces and not earths rotational axis, or why Michael Jackson ever turned white where he would have made a killing if he stayed black.

But when one looks at the situation objectively, one can see that no matter how much we bitch and moan about the situation nothing will change. So then why rock the boat, it’s a long swim to the shore.

Just as there are things that are explainable and things that are unexplainable, there are some things you can accept and there things you just cant accept, these concepts work hand in hand.

I got onto this bandwagon after going to church on Sunday where the 10 am mass was empty at 9:55, but then full to the brim by 10 am. Granted mass starts at 10 am and the people have to only be in by 10 am. But getting 800 people into a church in five minutes can be a bit of a mission particularly when you have every second Leb swearing each other.

For many years it has been asked but why don’t they come earlier if they know mass starts at a certain time, simple, because some Lebs are thick, that’s explainable. It is also explainable why they are think if you consider that Lebanese children are still being taken out of school in Standard Six.

Now that to me is unexplainable. How do you, as a parent validate taking your child out of school at the age of 14? And many people will ask: but does this practice still happen? Yes it does. I know of at least two families who took their children out of school at 14 years old. These children just become a burden to society and use their street smarts to fall with their ass in the butter and marry a rich husband, because this practice is very prevalent with woman, based purely on their looks. Surely this is unacceptable.

American comic Chris Rock explores the topic of unacceptability from a very American point of view, but it is very relevant and has international ramifications. He asked how the US government can find Saddam Hussain hiding in an underground bunker in the middle of the Iraqi desert, but they cant find Tupac Shakur’s killer, especially since Shakur was shot in Las Vegas, on The Strip, in front of Circus Circus Casino. And its so true if you think of it.

And this is only one of the unexplainabllities of America. The other one was the race to the moon.

At the end of the Cold War and the Cuban Missile Crisis, the US and the Soviets were embroiled in a race against time to see who could get to the moon first. When a top American major was taken to task over this his response was: ”F the Russians, we are doing this because we can.”

F the Russians, we are doing this because we can WOW. If that is not an unacceptable excuse then I don’t know what is.

Unacceptability is not limited to the US. If fact, South Africa doesn’t do badly in the unacceptability department either.

We go into the world that is South African politics where it is really a ‘pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey’ situation to see who becomes the Minster of a department.

And it all started with Ngconde ‘who ate all the pies’ Balfour. Who, in Thabo Mbeki’s first term as president, was the Minister of Sport and Recreation, and then Minister of Correctional Services in Mbeki’s second term.

I mean WTF? Where is the link there? Is this not unacceptable.

Now we have a new pres. Pres JZ. BAYEDE NKOSI! Sorry, I got a bit carried away there. Anyway, we all know that JZ and unacceptability go together like coffee and sugar. So there is no surprise that last years Minister of Transport Jeff Radebe is now the new Minister of Justice and Constitutional Development.

What is probably the most unacceptable thing in the world is how the hottest woman in the world end up with the biggest pricks alive. Guaranteed that if you have a woman, with curves and bumps in the right places with a sharp mind and a great personality, she’s dating a doos! Fortunately I have broken that cycle. I love you my angel.