Did Anderson Silva Lose his Mind?

Salamu

Over the past few months I have become very interested in Mixed Martial Arts and in particular the Ultimate Fighting Championship. And while I am by no means an expert on the subject. I will voice my opinions on the events as they unfold.

A definite end to a long standing rivalry

The latest event was UFC 168. This was a highly anticipated event as it was the continuation of the rivalry
between newly crowned UFC Middleweight Champion Chris Weidman and possibly one of the greatest MMA fighters in the sports history, Anderson ‘The Spider’ Silva.

There was much anticipation leading into UFC 168 with many saying that at 38, Silva is quite simply a spent force. He faced alot of criticism when he lost the title to Weidman where even veteran commentator Joe Rogan - who has always been a outspoken supporter of Silva - said that Silva’s fighting style of taunting opponents in the ring finally caught up with him.

At the end of UFC 162, Silva said that Weidman is a great champion and that he would not be fighting for the belt anymore. The whole world was surprised then when UFC President Dana White announced that the main event of UFC 168 would be Weidman vs Silva II.

It turns out that the viewpoint of Silva being a spent force was pretty accurate. Silva came in with a characteristic Silva leg kick, which was blocked by Weidman and led to one of the most gruesome sporting injuries I have ever seen when Silva’s leg broke. It is safe to say that we have seen the last of Silva. When former UFC Heavyweight Champion Frank Mir broke his leg in a similar fashion in a biking accident, it took him a year and a half to return to full fitness. If Silva followed the same path, he would be pushing 40 and would hardly be a threat in the division.

Is this the best MMA fighter of all time?

Whether Silva remains the best MMA fighter of all time remains to be seen. Sure he was great, and those affiliated with the UFC (Dana White and Joe Rogan) will obviously say that he is the best there ever was. But there is a small matter of Fedor Emelianenko who many other people within MMA circles consider considerably better than Silva. 

Now that Silva is out of the way, Weidman can turn his attention to Vitor Belfort. Belfort is a veteran of the octagon and made his debut as a heavyweight. He is in fact a former light heavyweight champion, so many would think that Wiedman will have his hands full.

The division that originally attracted me to the sport was the light heavyweight division. This was in the glory days of the division where ‘Sugar’ Rashad Evans, Quinton ‘Rampage’ Jackson, Forest Griffon and Maurício ‘Shogun’ Rua where dukeing it out for top honors. But since the rise of Jon Jones, no one has looked to threaten him for dominance.

To me, the division which is the most open in the UFC at the moment is the welterweight division, but this was also due to the retirement of Georges Saint Pierre.  I am eagerly anticipating the fight between Jonny ‘Big Rig’ Hendriks and ‘Ruthless’ Robbie Lawler at UFC 171.

Another division which is more open than it seems is the Heavyweight division. Although Cain Velazques has solidified his reputation as possibly the division’s longest serving champion, there are alot of fighters challenging this dominance. Travis Brown showed he can bang with the best when he knocked out the sports youngest heavyweight champion, Josh Barnett, at UFC 168. His vicious elbows and height will mean that he will be a problem for many fighters and the sooner he gets in the ring with Junior Dos Santos to become the number one contender, the better.  

MMA is one of the fastest growing sports worldwide and I wait for eager anticipation for the next big UFC event.

Mei jua daima kuwa kabla yenu, na vivuli nyuma yako!

Christmas Carols and Women Kicking Men in the Balls

Salamu

Just because I wished everyone well for the Holidays, it doesn’t mean that it is my last post for the year. At the end of the day…I am still in the office or the next few hours and need something to do.

The topics today are old classics. Christmas Carols (yes Christmas Carols) and pick up lines, but I question if they really work.

Before everyone accuses me of being the Grinch and Ebenezer Scrooge, let me just state for the record that I actually quite like Christmas time. Not only are we on holiday from work, but it is a time when everyone is generally nicer to each other and we can have a good old laugh about things. It is also a two week period where telemarketers (a PET HATE of mine) leave you the hell alone. It is also a time where you spend time at church reflecting on the miraculous birth of a baby who would give his life for mankind. You also get to spend a few days being drunk with family and a few days being drunk and hurling abuse at cricket players. This year it is the turn of the Indians, and I am not working! Ishant Sharma is going to curse the day they put him at fine leg or deep third man at Kingsmead this year! I WILL POST PICS IN JAN!

But let’s get into it. And let the hating on me start…But I cannot stand Christmas Carols! I don’t know what it is about them, I just do not like them. But it is not your traditional Silent Nights or O Come all Ye Faithful….it’s the bladdy I saw Mommy Kissing Santa Clause and Do They Know Its Christmas Afterall. There is just something about them that pisses me right off.

I suppose you just can only take so much of hearing people sing about shit. Highveld Stereo (the local radio

station here in Johannesburg) were playing a Christmas song every morning I think from the beginning of October. And it was nice at the start. But since the beginning of December I just put the car radio on mute because I couldn’t take it any more. NO MORE!

There are some great Christmas Tunes though. Boney M is always good and so it Dean Martin. The thing with Dean Martin is that he was to pissed all the time to try and get fancy with his singing. He just sang as he was supposed to. And while we are on the topic of drunks, probably the best Christmas tune is by an Irish band called The Pogoues and it is called The Fairytale of New York. The song is about this drunk Irishman who is locked up in The Drink Tank and reminiscing about a girl who he is in love with.

And what’s an Irish ditty without the lead singer sounding dead molar and the featured female artist insulting him. I cut and paste the third verse for you below.

You´re a bum you´re a punk

You´re an old slut on junk

Lying there almost dead on a drip in that bed

You scumbag you maggot

You cheap lousy faggot

Happy Christmas your arse I pray god it´s our last.

This is exactly why I love the Irish, they just don’t give a shit! They will say exactly what they want when they want to. They also never take life to seriously either. Here is the song:

 The Pogues Feat. Kirsty MacColl - Fairytale Of New York

Powered by www.Mp3Olimp.net

Moving right along…I ask the question: Do pickup lines really work? I have dealt with this last year, and it was a bit of a balls up because it was just dealing with the heaviness of pickup lines. This time I am dealing with the question of if they work.

Well obviously if you are going to walk up to a girl and say: Do you have a bit of Lebenese in you? Well do you want some? You are either going to be laughed at, have a drink thrown at you, or kicked in the balls. Those are your options. There are just some pickup lines that will never work…EVER! Don’t try them.

However there are some that do work. One of my favourites is: Do you have a twin sister? When she says no, than you say: well then you are the most beautiful girl in the world. If she does have a twin sister…then you are unfortunately fucked. Another one is: You know, seeing your beautiful eyes is the second most perfect thing about this evening. When she asks what’s the first you say: seeing you smile. Trust me…it’s a winner.

There are also certain occasions where you use pickup lines and certain occasions where you don’t. - Don’t use it at a bar or club. She is probably with her girlfriends, and when a group of girls are out together they switch to super bitch mode. Also, you are probably drunk or she will accuse you of being drunk. And having an argument about your level of sobriety is not a way to start a relationship.

Don’t use it at church. It is not the time or place for this.

Do use it after establishing a basic friendship with the girl. You have then asked her out to dinner or coffee. This is the time to use it. You see, there is no hard and fast rule that a pickup line must be used at the first meeting. Because technically, you haven’t picked the girl up before or during the coffee or dinner date. Use the pickup line more as a deal clincher.

Some girls will be very receptive to pickup lines and some will laugh at you, throw their drink on you, and then kick you in the balls. You just have to accept the fact that this is going to happen and you don’t know what you are going to get. It’s sort of like when Diego Sanchez walk into the Octagon, you just don’t know what type of a fight you are going to get.  

Mei jua daima kuwa kabla yenu, na vivuli nyuma yako!

Sons of Anarchy is the best series ever made

Warning: This post may contain spoilers of Sons of Anarchy Season 6. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

THANK YOU! AND GOD BLESS!

Salamu

It has come to my attention that I have come across the most epic television series of all time. And while it will never rival the legendary Dallas as one of the television programmes with the most episodes of all time, Sons of Anarchy is quite possibly one of the most realistic series of all time and its creator Kurt Sutter is a bladdy genius and deserves an Oscar, an Emmy, a Pulitzer Prize and a Nobel Prize for literature.

While I am fully aware that I may not have to correct qualifications to give an educated opinion on the series, I am fully aware of my constitutional (and human) right to voice my opinion. And besides, the people who critique movies and television shows for a living are full of shit anyway and don’t know how to give a proper opinion on things anyway.

After cottoning on to the series in 2011, I was not prepared for the most realistic roller coaster of human emotions that the series would put me on. From the humble beginnings of the turf war with the Mayans, to dealing with the Nords, to rampaging through Belfast to rescue the kidnapped Abel, to dealing with RICO, to dealing with the Clay situation, I have been glued to my screen and completely fascinated by the development of the various characters and the role that they play in the series.

But nothing…not one damn thing could have prepared me for Season 6.

We knew that this was going to be a make or break season for the series as something needed to come to a head in order to bring viewers back to the series. Gone are the days where we have endless seasons of a series. It seems that they have a life span of five seasons, and then you start losing viewers.

The end of Season Five set the scene perfectly for season six, Clay was incarcerated for the murder of Damon Pope (a murder that he was framed for by Jax and Tigg), and Tara was incarcerated for her part in the murder of a correctional services nurse by Otto Delaney. So clearly Clay had an axe to grind while Tara wanted to distance herself and her boys from Gemma and the Club.

This was the basis of Season Six. Tara’s arrest was a defining moment in her relationship with the club as it was the last straw which broke the camel’s back she had enough of the Club and its bullshit and she has gone into the mode that every mother goes into, she needs to make major sacrifices to save her boys. Some thinks that her whole outlook of wanting to divorce Jax was due to her falling out of love with him. But in fact, it was just the opposite. All through the series you can see she is still desperately in love with Jax, and she so wants to be there for him. But she questions his ability to be a good role model for their sons. We all know that Jax himself never wanted to turn out the way that he did, but his history with the club and his election to its Presidency turned him. Abel and Thomas share that same history with the club and Tara was scared that the same fate was in store for them. The apple never does fall far from the tree.

She also didn’t want to turn in the club because she had the outlook of: Fuck all you guys, you have burned me so now I am going to burn you. She wanted to turn in the club to get immunity from prison. If she did jail time for conspiracy to murder that nurse, custody of the kids would go to Jax who is still significantly controlled by Gemma, who Tara believes is Satan reborn.

Everything that Tara did during the season was for her kids. The sacrifices she made, the schemes she tried to execute, the distance she put between herself and Jax were all for her kids. She transformed herself from the cute tabby cat to the tiger that she ended up becoming because of the threat to her kids.

Let it just be stated for the record that she was still as hot as shit. She will be missed during Season 7.

Clay had to die. It was decided during Season Four, Season Five and now in Season Six. We all knew it was coming.

The person you really feel sorry for is Jax. The opening of the Season Six Finale encapsulates it all: I hate what I have become, there are times when I must go for weeks without looking in the mirror because I am scared that I will smash it and cut my face with the broken shards of my reflection.

This was the entry into his journal at the beginning of the finale. And every  move that he has made since returning from Belfast has been to push the club towards earning cash in a legitimate manner and to move away from the violence and killings that running drugs and guns has brought the club. However, the drugs and guns is too big an earner for the IRA and the other organisations like the Mayans, the Niners and the Chinese for the guns to stop. And because the Sons have the network to run the drugs and guns effectively, these organisations are putting Jax under pressure and are sabotaging his plans.

Jax is caught between a rock and a hard place, he wants to move away from guns but he can’t because of the events I just described above. Coupled with this he has Tara doing what she needs to do to survive and the cops so far up his ass after a school shooting in the first episode. There are times when you can see the pure frustration in Jax’s face that can only come from a person who does not know what else to do to make things right.

Now for the finale, and it is at this point that I want to point out and reiterate my spoiler disclaimer above.

Sutter has once again outdone himself and has set the scene perfectly for Season 7. Jax agrees to hand himself over to the authorities in order for Tara to look after the boys and raise them away from the violence and bullshit that club business has brought into their homes. Gemma turns out to be the devil that Tara thought she was by brutally killing her. Sherriff Rooseveld is about to turn in Gemma but gets shot by Juice. Jax arrives at the home to turn himself in and sees the two bodies in the kitchen. He breaks down and holds Tara’s body when the District Attorney walks in and sees Jax, the two bodies and Jax’s gun (which was not used in the murders) on the floor.

So, Season 7. It will be a fitting end to the series because of a few things:

-         - Who will raise Abel and Thomas, Jax will be going to jail for RICO and possibly double murder after the DA walks in on a crime scene that he supposedly was responsible for. Everything that Tara fought so hard for turned to shit and the boys will either be raised by Gemma or Wendy.

-         - Will Gemma be brought to justice for her murder of Tara?

-         - Will Nero turn out like Jax after agreeing to head up the Stockton chapter of the Mayans?

-          - Who will die?

It’s a pity that we will have to wait until September 2014 to find this out. But one thing is for sure. Sutter never disappoints, and we should strap ourselves in for an emotional roller coaster.

It is at this time I would like to wish all of my fans a Happy Festive Season. Thank you for your support throughout the year and I hope to have your continued support in 2014.

Mei jua daima kuwa kabla yenu, na vivuli nyuma yako!

Beating the December Blues

Salamu

We all know that feeling. It’s the end of the year…and you are quite frankly sick and tired of bullshit. You wake up every day thinking that this is a good day to hit someone and you actually get out of the car when a taxi cuts you off on the road. Yip my friend…you have the December Blues. A condition which only lasts two weeks at the beginning of December before you take that long deserved summer vacation. But don’t let the length of time fool you…because those two weeks will be the longest in your life.

The worst about the December Blues is that you absolutely cant asked to be doing any serious work. Let’s face it: you've being doing it the whole year for fuck sakes…surely they can understand your go-slow attitude. But the fact is that you still have to go to work during December until they close.

So what do you do to entertain yourself while trying to look busy at work? Well, when I was working at my first job after I got back from Dubai, we found some online quizzes that we spent the whole of Office December doing. I tell you, these were the shit! I loved them! Here is the link so I can spread some love: http://www.netquizzes.com/

Another way to pass the time is to read some entertaining articles. I came across this one yesterday about the worlds weirdest dictators. It is very amusing and cracked.com is a highly recommended site in my opinion.  There are a lot of profiles of the dictators in this article. But I’ll just include one:

Francisco Macias Nguema -- President of Equatorial Guinea

The son of a witch doctor, Nguema started with the humble position of mayor before becoming president of Equatorial Guinea in 1968. He banned the word "intellectual," shut down private schools and drove educated people out of his country because he had some sort of vendetta against book learning. Then he shut down several hospitals in favour of his witch doctor ancestry and, well, you can guess how that went.

He even banned the use of lubricants in a power plant, saying that he could keep the place running with his magic powers. Unsurprisingly, the plant broke down, and the entire capital was engulfed in darkness.

He frequently indulged in bhang, a drink made from marijuana, and often dined with imaginary friends and executed imaginary enemies, two activities known in America as "playing video games."

Hallucinations and video games go together like hallucinations and governing nations.

In 1971, Nguema declared himself the Grandmaster of Education, Science and Culture and changed the national motto to "There is no other God than Macias Nguema." To top it all off, Nguema killed the governor of the public bank and hid all the money in his jungle shed.

What happened to him?

Nguema's own nephew ousted him in a long-overdue coup. He was executed by firing squad in 1979, because evidently his magical powers did not extend to the stopping of bullets.

Either the most depressing book of all
time or the most amusing. 

I read about him in a book called the State of Africa by Martin Meredith, which let me just say is the most

depressing fucking book in the world, or the most amusing depending on your resistance to seeing how a beautiful continent like Africa can screw itself through power hungry bastards.  What cracked.com doesn’t mention, which Meredith does, is that Nguema buried all of the country’s money in the ground in that jungle hut. When he went back to reclaim it a few months later, it was all eaten by rats. TRUE STORY!

But there were one or two exclusions in that list of bat shit crazy dictators which I feel deserved a mention; Robert Mugabe and Idi Amin Dada (who self-styled himself as the Last King of Scotland even though he was as Scottish as I am a Zulu.) The list can be found here: http://www.cracked.com/article_18850_7-modern-dictators-way-crazier-than-you-thought-possible.html

A bit of a warning though, it is a bit outdated because Muammar Gaddafi and Kim Jong Il have both since taken the journey and are deceased. Probably to the delight of their people, although you wouldn't say so after seeing North Koreans crying in the street when Kim Jong Il died…but they were probably paid to do so.

Finally, we come to the site which has me addicted. And screw the person who got me onto this site. We all know about the wonders of Google. But how many of you have discovered the wonders of Gizzoogle?

Gizzoogle is the gangster version of Google. It works in the same way, except that it takes a perfectly normal webpage and puts into gangster talk. For example: I gizzoogled Anderson Silva, who is one of the top MMA fighters of all time, and I got taken to the gizzoogled version of his Wikipedia page, which hilariously becomes Wikipizzle.

Here are some descriptions of what gizzoogle did:

Anderson da Silva (born April 14, 1975) be a Brazilian mixed martial artist n' forma UFC Middleweight Champion. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Silva holdz tha longest title defense streak up in UFC history, which ended up in 2013 wit 16 consecutizzle wins n' 10 title defenses. Dude has 12 post-fight bonus awards. Silva is ranked as tha #2 middleweight up in tha ghetto by multiple publications includin Sherdog n' is tha consensus No. 1 pound-for-pound mixed martial arts fighter up in tha ghetto accordin ta ESPN, Sherdog, Yahoo! Sports n' other publications. UFC prez Dana White n' other publications have called Silva tha top billin mixed martial artist of all time.

Background

Anderson Silva started doin thangs April 14, 1975, a middle lil pimp of four. Da lil hustla of a poverty-stricken crew, Silva dropped tha majoritizzle of his childhood wit his thugged-out aunt n' uncle, a fool wit tha Curitiba five-o force.

Yo, silva first fuckin started hustlin jiu-jitsu wit hood lil playas whoz ass could afford lessons yo. Dude explained his crazy-ass muthafuckin introduction ta martial arts up in a rap battle wit FIGHT! Magazine: “When I started out, Jiu-Jitsu was straight-up a elite thang up in Brazil, n' there was some prejudice towardz skankyer kids, so I had ta learn thangs on mah own... Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Some of mah neighbors started bustin Jiu-Jitsu, so I started watchin it, n' then started rollin wit em. Well shiiiit, it wasn’t organized hustlin yo, but dat shiznit was mo' betta than nothing.” By tha age of twelve his crew was able ta set aside enough scrilla ta start his ass up in Tae Kwon Do lessons, from which he moved on ta Capoeira, before finally settlin on Muay Thai all up in tha age of sixteen.

Before his thugged-out lil' punk-ass fuckin started his game as a professionizzle fighter, Silva hit dat shiznit at McDonalds, n' also as a gangbangin' file clerk yo. Dude considaz Spider-Man a underground hero, n' has a stated ludd of comic books n' comic book heroes.

I am not making this up. Go to www.gizzoogle.net and see for yourself. This is a short description to what they did to Bruce Lee:

Hong Kong action film hustla
 n' tha smoker of Jeet Kune Do.

Bruce Lee was a Hong Kong Gangsta martial artist, Hong Kong action film hustla, martial arts instructor, filmmaker, n' tha smoker of Jeet Kune Do. Lee was tha lil hustla of Cantonese opera star Lee Hoi-Chuen yo. Dude is widely considered by commentators, muthafuckas, media n' other martial artists ta be one of da most thugged-out influential martial artistz of all time, n' a pop culture icon of tha 20th century. Dude is often credited wit helpin ta chizzle tha way Asians was presented up in Gangsta films.

Lee started doin thangs up in Chinatown, San Frankieco on 27 November 1940 ta muthafathas from Hong Kong n' was raised up in Kowloon wit his crew until his fuckin late teens yo. Dude was introduced ta tha film industry by his wild lil' daddy n' rocked up in nuff muthafuckin films as a cold-ass lil lil pimp hustla. Lee moved ta tha United Hoods all up in tha age of 18 ta receive his higher ejaculation, n' dat shiznit was durin dis time dat his thugged-out lil' punk-ass fuckin started teachin martial arts yo. His Hong Kong n' Hollywood-produced films elevated tha traditionizzle Hong Kong martial arts film ta a freshly smoked up level of popularitizzle n' acclaim, sparkin a surge of interest up in Chinese martial arts up in tha Westside up in tha 1970s. Da direction n' tone of his wild lil' films chizzled n' hyped up martial arts n' martial arts films up in Hong Kong n' tha rest of tha ghetto. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass.

Dude is noted fo' his bangin rolez up in five feature-length films: Lo Weiz Da Big Boss (1971) n' Fist of Fury (1972); Way of tha Dragon (1972), pimped up n' freestyled by Lee; Warner Brothers' Enter tha Dragon (1973) n' Da Game of Dirtnap (1973), both pimped up by Robert Clouse. Lee became a iconic figure known all up in tha ghetto, particularly among tha Chinese, as he portrayed Chinese nationalism up in his wild lil' films. Dude initially trained up in Win Chun yo, but later rejected well-defined martial art styles, favourin instead tha use of steez from various sources, up in tha spirit of his thugged-out lil' underground martial arts philosophy, which da ruffneck dubbed Jeet Kune Do (Da Way of tha Interceptin Fist). Lee held dual nationality of Hong Kong n' tha United Hoods. Dude took a dirt nap up in Kowloon Tong on 20 July 1973 all up in tha age of 32.

I am Gizzoogle mutha fuckez!

What can we gather from this? Well, the site is either being run by James Brown up in heaven or by Snoop

Lions man cave where he is hitting a spliff the size of a small country!

Entertaining yourself during Office December is possible. And hopefully I have shown you how to achieve this. But please be crafty about it and don’t let the management see you doing this.

Have a good festive season and a Blessed Christmas.

Mei jua daima kuwa kabla yenu, na vivuli nyuma yako!

Don't get out of hand at the office Christmas party

Salamu

There are very few instances where we can have an absolute party at work which is actually sanctioned or even arranged by management. There is one event that the whole office looks forward to the whole year…The Office Christmas Party.

This is an opportunity to get absolutely hammered at the company’s expense right? This is a night to throw your name away right? The answer to both questions is actually: WRONG. Office parties can often prove to be mine fields where a wrong move can significantly damage your reputation in the company.

Traditionally, I have never been a fan of office parties…no matter when they are in the year. I mean, who really wants to spend the evening with a person you can barely stand seeing in a corporate environment? I make it a point of being one of the first people to leave, regardless of what gets said about me the next day.

But, these parties are unavoidable and there are two major rules one needs to bear in mind when approaching such events:

-          - NO OVER DRINKING.  Chances are very good that you think your boss is an arrogant prick who is a slave driver and an under payer.  There is honestly not a person on this earth who feels that they are compensated fairly for the work that they do. And as we all know, alcohol loosens the tongue quite significantly. So it may be wise to bypass a situation where you tell your boss what a miserable bastard you think he/she is.

-         -  BE PUNCTUAL. The rules that apply to work apply here as well. Also, if you are punctual, you can greet all the necessary people and make an early getaway without being noticed.

I will tell you a few stories about people who acted wrongly at the Christmas parties I went to. I will keep the names of the people and the companies anonymous in order to protect all of those involved.

What do you mean we got out of hand at the Christmas
Party? That's not us! That's our stunt doubles!

When I first came back from Dubai, I worked for a very well respected trade magazine which was the top magazine in their industry. But the people who ran the company were a bunch of conservative sods and took their poor staff payment policy into the Christmas party. The bar tab that they traditionally organised was R5 000 for 30 people and their partners. So safe to say this would have lasted maybe an hour or two.

However this didn’t deter one lady who was a 24 year old girl had the mind-set of 16 year old who was at her first alcoholic house party. She came prepared and got a bit hammered on her own account. To her credit, she waited until all of the senior management was gone, but she locked her eye on a junior manager and proceeded to get up on the table and attempt to do a rendition of what she thought was a sexy and provocative table dance. This didn’t end well because as she turned to show this manager her ass. She fell off the table, and split her head open.

VERY NICE DUMBASS…NOW EXPLAIN TO SENIOR MANAGEMENT WHY THE RESTAURANT IS CALLING THEM AT 11 PM TO TELL THEM THAT THERE IS AN UNDERCOVER  DEMI MOORE WANNABE FROM OUR COMPANY WHO THINKS SHE IS REENACTING A SCENE FROM THE MOVIE STRIPTEASE. AND ALSO EXPLAIN WHY YOU HAVE 10 STITCHES IN YOUR HEAD WHICH MAKES YOU LOOK LIKE YOU JUST GOT OUT THE RING WITH ‘SUGAR’ RASHAD EVANS.

The second one was when I was working in Durban. The company I was working for at the time was owned by a youngish guy who liked to drink and party. And the Christmas parties of this company were notorious for getting out of hand. So after the theme for the party was decided, a lady came around and asked who would need taxi rides home which the company would organize at their expense.  As per usual, I made an early exit, but the next day I had to hear stories about how one pissed person told one of the senior managers how much of a miserable bastard he is.

There was also an occasion where there was a Christmas party at our bosses house. A work colleague of mine brought his brother along. As the evening progressed, the alcohol was flowing very copiously. my work colleague disappeared to pass out in his car while his brother was still drinking. There was a party at another house in the estate so when the colleagues brother couldn't find my colleague, he walked over to the house and searched for him in every room.  it turns out he walked into the main bedroom where a couple was having some hot sex. He tapped the guy on the shoulder and asked him what was going on. 

There is always a time and place for these things to take place and there are times when you can have a lot of fun at work functions. One of the best times I had was on a business trip to the Democratic Republic of Congo. The company that arranged the trip was opening a branch of their office in Lubumbashi. As the evening unfolded, quarts of Simba beer were being consumed as if it were sweet nectar from the Fountain of Youth. It eventually ended with me leopard crawling back to my room where I eventually passed out.

I suppose it has a lot to do with the environment and the people that you share the evening with. I got on very well with the people from the company who took us to the DRC and the fact that we were in another country where EVERYONE was getting drunk and throwing their name away, which made the whole experience ok.

But there are a few tips though. It is not advisable to consume alcohol whilst on malaria tablets and it is not advisable to get drunk the night before a flight back home.

Mei jua daima kuwa kabla yenu, na vivuli nyuma yako!

Respect is earned...never given!

Salamu

Every person has to have a code which they live by. It defines them. It makes them who they are. It forms the basis upon which you make decisions and approach relationships and friendships.

One of the things I do not do is judge people. That is part of my code. I feel that I cannot judge a person until I have walked a mile in their shoes. Experienced their problems; faced their difficulties. One of the things I have been doing, in between being mad busy at work, is that I have been watching a series on YouTube called: The Worlds Strictest Parents. Basically the show takes rebellious teenagers who are running rampant in their homes and sends them off to strict parents in other countries where they learn about things such as respect and discipline.

I don’t know if I made a conscious decision to watch this a week after the video of the Glenvista High School pupil assaulting a teacher was put up, but me watching this show coincided with that. The first few episodes were really of these little shits who have no respect, at the end they learn respect and the fact that the parents didn’t have to beat it into them is really a testament to them, because I would have beat the shit out of two of the kids…and I am quite patient if I need to be.

But the second episode in the first series of the British version really hit home with me. The boy…Sam came

from a home in the UK where his dad left the family. This obviously caused a lot of resentment in the family and Sam rebelled. He also turned his back on his faith.

During his time in Jamaica (where the pair of kids was sent to live with stricter parents) Sam went through a lot of conflicting emotions, he does visibly have the potential to be a better student and person that he is, but his resentment towards his father stops him from realising this. Why am I pointing this out? Because while the people in Jamaica could not realise that this was the problem, I could.

I never had the best relationship with my father, although mine never walked out on the family when I was grown up. He wasn’t a part of the family for 13 years. And when he came back into the family, he tried to break down the whole value system which I knew to try and impose his own morals and value system. I didn’t rebel like a typical teenager does, but I had a lot of conflicts with my father.

It is a struggle, and until you have experienced something similar, you simply cannot judge the person who is going through it. You cannot; especially if they are a teenager. You see, at his age, Sam is starting to move away from being a child into being a man. Here he will have his own value system, which includes his own elements as well as elements given to him by his family. In order to do this, he will need support. And while a mother’s love is great, a MAN needs the approval of another MAN when they are making that transition. Sam has the potential to be a great person, but he now has to battle with these feelings of him being a failure because his father left his family. There is nothing worse than that rejection. It can be the worst pain you will ever feel in your life.

Dealing with this can also be a problem. You can either make the decision to just simply give up, or you can make the decision to change. Sam wants to be the best he can be, but he doesn’t know how to channel his energy positively. At the end of the episode, his Jamaican family take him to a friend of theirs. This friend is only two years older than Sam, and his father also walked out on his family. Unlike Sam who is the youngest, this boy is clearly the oldest and had to get a job to support his five siblings. And he does so with a smile of his face, a smile that only the presence of God can give a person.

You know, once when my dad and I were having one of our famous battles, he asked me what he has to do to get me to love and respect him. And the answer is really simple. As in really really simple. A dad doesn’t have to give his son money, or shower him with gifts like cars and watches. All he has to do is be around, give his son love, and just to respect his boundaries when he is trying to become a man. The worst thing you can do as a father is up and leave your son with responsibilities he is not ready for. Although my dad didn’t, he passed away which left me with responsibilities to my mom and brother.

A bit of respect for your kids boundaries will go a long way in earning their respect and love back. As much as parents think that they are entitled to love and respect, the hard fact of life is that you are not entitled to shit in life. Respect is never given, it is earned. This is one of the biggest and harshest realities of life.

I say it is a harsh reality because in an ideal world, feelings such as love and aspects such as respect honor and trust would be freely given. But unfortunately we don’t live in an ideal world. If people could mature into adulthood with this thought in their minds, it wouldn’t be a harsh reality.

Entitlement is something that died with the English lords when Henry VIII was being his blasphemous self. This is a key lesson you need to teach your kids. And what better way to do it than to respect them first?

Mei jua daima kuwa kabla yenu, na vivuli nyuma yako!

Country Fustration

Salamu

How difficult is it to do your job?

Besides making love to your spouse, and drinking, your job is the one thing in the world which you are supposed to be proud of. In South Africa, this is far far down the recommended list of priorities.

But this is my country, and I love it to death. However, South Africa is one of the most frustrating countries in the world to live in. I have recently moved into my new place…very exciting. So I now go on a mission to get the stock standard TV, DSTV, and household things such as a mop, broom, dustbin, cooking shit (pots and pans) and emergency supplies of 5 litre bottled water in case there are water cuts.

I decided to go to Makro, which is owned by Massmart and is guaranteed to have a lot (if not all) of the things I am looking for. So I go there and I had my heart settled on a Sinotec 39” flat screen TV which was on special. The salesman pitches the sale perfectly and basically has me eating out of the palm of his hand. Only for him to tell me that he doesn’t have any stock when I tell him how interested I am.

WTF DUDE! W.H.Y? Why try and sell me a TV that you don’t have? Typical South African mentality! I wanted to strangle the bastard, but he had the same name as me, so I let it slide.

I go back the next day to get the DSTV decoder and shit. I get the decoder, HDMI Cables, extra RC cables. What don’t they have? The cable that goes from the wall into the DSTV! FFS I might as well have pissed away the money I spent on the HDMI and RC cables, because without the cable the decoder won’t work. So now I must go to HI FI Corporation (Corruption) to get the cable.

I mean the appeal of a place like Makro or Massmart is that you can get everything in one place. Even the kitchen sink. People who go to a place like Makro and Massmart and get told that there is no stock of something is the most frustrating thing in the world. There is no other way to describe it!

I then go to a Spar (a major local supermarket chain here) and I ask the attendant where I will find tin foil (aluminium foil). “Eish I don’t know that.” I go to the next one…”what is that? Even I don’t know what it is.” Five staff members tell me this. So I am now PISSED.  Spitting blood. I find a manager and I ask him where it is. And to his credit, he was a consummate gentleman and even took me to where it is. “Tell me something my good man…do you train your staff?” I could see I touched a nerve because he buried his head in his hand and said very slowly, “Yes…Why?” so I regaled the case of the mysterious toil foil to him.

It just amazes me how people in South Africa:

A – celebrate mediocrity by still employing these rocket scientists.

B – celebrate stupidity by screwing up something simple.

But I have a theory: I think that the staff members I asked about the tinfoil knew EXACTLY what I was asking about, they just wanted to piss me off. And they do this with all white people. If this is the case, I find it very unfair because I never oppressed anyone during apartheid and have never hated based on the colour of their skin.

Mei jua daima kuwa kabla yenu, na vivuli nyuma yako!