Anger Management

Salamu

Today I am talking about anger and anger management.

I was reminded about this topic last week when I was watching Bruce Lee’s Enter The Dragon. There is a scene where Lee is training a young fighter and tells him to never attack in a fit of rage because it clouds the mind.

And one doesn’t realize it until it happens to you. Last week Friday as I was sitting at work overlooking the beautiful Durban Harbor I saw this squall coming in which brought bad weather with it. Now when there is bad weather, people that normally drive like shit go completely loopy and completely disobey the rules of the road. Town becomes gridlocked and it takes me an hour to travel five blocks between my parking garage and the motorway that takes me home.

This is not the ideal way to spend a Friday night because when all you want to do is get home and relax you end up haning to negotiate spending an hour of your life in traffic (an hour which you will never get back) trying to live with savage taxi drivers that get their licenses from lucky packets or vending machines.

Anger manifests in different ways in different people, meaning no two people experience the same build up to anger. The first sign of anger with me is that I switch the radio off because I cannot deal with noise around me. I must drive in complete silence. Second, I feel a stabbing pain starting in my chest that gets stronger and stronger as the anger builds. Then I start blowing my hooter and banging my steering wheel. And eventually I open my window and go full agro on the person who I deem is pissing me off.

I am generally not an aggressive person and my girlfriend can testify to that. But when I am angry I am one of the most dangerous people alive. My grandfather always told me that there is nothing more dangerous than a wild animal that has been cornered with no means of escape. In essence this animal has to fight for its life. Humans are the same…when we are pushed to our limits, when we feel sick to our stomachs and all we see is red we become that cornered animal. See that Lion at the top of my page...that's what you become!

Thankfully this does not happen to me often, but it is not a nice place to be. What mechanisms are there to control your anger? How does one channel them positively?

Two of my favorite comedies of all time are Anger Management and Analyze This.

Anger Management is a great show about a normal working guy (Adam Sandler) that is forced to attend an anger management courses with a Psychologist (Jack Nicolson). Basically Sandler is put in very explosive situations where, like me, he could have gone full agro on people. In one situation Nicolson encourages Sandler to sing the song from the musical Westside Story: I Feel Pretty. This achieves its objectives as it has a calming effect on Sandler.

Analyze This is the first movie in a two part series about a mob boss (Robert DeNiro) who struggles with his anger and is encouraged to see a psychiatrist (Billy Crystal). In one particular scene DeNiro says that an instinctive reaction when he gets angry is to pull out his gat and start shooting people. He gets angry during the session and Crystal urges him to shoot the cushion on the couch. This achieves its objectives as it has a calming effect on DeNiro.

Now I am not likely to break out into song singing I Feel So Pretty in traffic and I am also unlikely to pull out a gat and shoot my car seat. (Although this may have a great effect on the people who piss me off in traffic because after I shoot the car seat I would point to them and say: You’re Next).

I have a different coping mechanism. Once the initial rage passes and I can once again face my radio I put on a CD which has Chris Rock’s comedy on it. Laughing at Chris Rock making fun of black people is quite enjoyable when it is all you see when you drive around Durban.

Mei jua daima kuwa kabla yenu, na vivuli nyuma yako!

Pappas on the Square...A highly recommended evening of culinary delight

Salamu

My Niggas!

It’s not often that I write about restaurants as up until now I have never really been to one that has been stand out enough in every department to warrant free publicity. However, this weekend Pappas on the Square really hit the mark in every department.

The restaurant is situated in Nelson Mandela Square in Sandton and if one was to procure a table by the window you would be able to sit out and overlook the hustle and bustle of what has become one of Johannesburg’s best meeting places and culinary locales.

It was here that I decided to take my girlfriend for a belated Valentine’s Day dinner.

A well prepared Lamb Shank should fall off the bone

Pappas offers Greek cuisine of the finest quality. I have a real soft spot for Greek cuisine as it is strikingly similar to cuisine from my people… the Lebanese.  

A good evening has to start with a good waiter. This is non-negotiable as nothing is more annoying than terrible service. A good waiter needs to greet you with a smile, a good knowledge of his menu and common sense enough to not be over bearing. He needs to take your order and crack suitable jokes throughout the evening at appropriate times. We were served by a gentleman named Blackie who was perfect in every sense of the word.

The next important aspect is the food. There has to be a wide selection of food to choose from which is of the finest quality and prepared to perfection. Greek cuisine is known for its rich flavors which engulfs your senses and encourages your anticipation with every bite. A highly recommended meal at Papas is the kleftiko. I am known to be a fan of the lamb, and a well prepared lamb shank is a sure way to put you in my good books. The portion looked like it came from a sheep rather than a lamb but the taste was far from it. The meat was falling off the bone and was dripping with the flavorsome goodness that only the Greeks can capture. My girlfriend had a trout which was also fresh and well prepared.

Adding beauty to a classy joint

What rounds off the evening well at Papas is that the décor inside the restaurant is minimalistic in that it doesn’t distract you. The managers are attentive to your every need and one of the biggest features of the restaurant is that the music is soft and ambient rather than loud and abrasive. Let’s be honest…you would prefer to talk to your date in a dulcet tone rather than scream at her. Yes the music does get turned up when the belly dancers come on and the Greeks lose their shit enough to break plates. But I never said I was a prude and didn’t appreciate a good plate throwing session.

Pappas on the Square comes highly recommended in my books. It is a good evening out with freshly prepared food, good service and an awesome atmosphere, a place truly worthy of this post. If you are at a loose end of where to go this weekend… go to the square… A little bit of Greece is waiting to enchant you.

Till next time my Niggas!

Mei jua daima kuwa kabla yenu, na vivuli nyuma yako!

Talking about stereotypes

Salamu

My Niggas!

The topic of the day is stereotypes.

Uncle Ruckus. One of the worst offenders of stereotypical labeling behavior

For those who have been living under a rock their whole lives and are not aware of what a stereotype is…this is how the urban dictionary (the only trustworthy dictionary in the world in my opinion) defines it: A stereotype is used to catergorize a group of people. People don't understand that type of person, so they put them into classifications, thinking that everyone who is that needs to be like that, or anyone who acts like their classifications is one.

This can be based on:

Race

Gender

Religion

Tribal

Societal

Macroeconomic

Residential Areas

But why are we talking about this today? Because it amazes me how we unconsciously revert to stereotypical behavior. I was brought up in South Africa which is historically one of the most stereotypical nations in the world. Now I was born in the generation after apartheid. So I never oppressed no one. And I am generally not a racist person. But I am guilty of being stereotypical.

I was talking to a friend over Facebook and he told me about this study done by Stats SA about people living in Fourways and their love for Mixed Martial Arts. I immediately jumped in and said that they must be Lebanese (of the South African variety) that love watching Rocky movies and are developing Sylvester Stallone speech impediments. He then said that they probably wear Tapout shirts as well.

Now this paints the picture of any Lebanese person found walking around Booysens on any given day. But does that mean that all South African Lebanese people are like this? Hell No.

It’s the same with the Portuguese. If I had R5 for every time a Portuguese person (who’s decedents came from mainland Portugal) insulted a Portuguese person (Who’s descendants came from Madeira), I’d be a very rich person with own yacht and a R180-million mansion in Umhlanga.

Probably fought so well because his ancestors had to fight
off lions and elephants? Probably Not. 

Back to this friend I had the talk about the Lebanese with. We went to university together and we used to keep in touch with the current happenings in US Sport (Basketball, Baseball and American Football…not so much Ice Hockey) and every week it was the same people in the news. LeBron James, Barry Bonds, Michael Johnson. And I one day asked him why he thought it was that the main people grabbing the headlines were black. The heavyweight division in Boxing was owned by good black boxers from Joe Louis till Lennox Lewis. A time span stretching 40 years.

“You see Jon. The black man is a naturally athletic person. Historically they spent all their years running away from lions and elephants and shit. And then there were civil wars so they had to be physically strong to survive. Then slave traders came and shipped these people off to America. But the athletic gene stayed true,” was his reply.

How much of this is true? It is true that historically...first nation people of Africa had to hunt and fend off wild beasts and this continued long into our history because industrialization only came to Africa much later than the rest of the world. But can we use this as a reasoning behind the new generations athletic exploits?

Surely there must be a better reason behind this. But will we bother to look for it? i bet you there are millions of people in the world that use the same rationale as my friend above. 

And it happens with everyone. I challenge you to watch the news or a movie….when you see behavior that you think is typical of a specific racial/religious/residential area person, insult them like you usually would and then think back to this post.

Our world is FULL of stereotypes. One of my favorite shows The Boondocks is full of racial stereotypes. The movie Rush Hour is full of racial stereotypes. Bad Boys (Will Smith and Martin Lawrence) is full of Socio Economical and Class based stereotypes. One time I got stopped by the police who were doing a routine check on drivers licences. When they asked me for my licence the first thing I said was: "Why...is it because I am black?" I didn't event need to think about it.

Will the world move beyond these stereotypes? No they won’t. Because it has become unconsciously ingrained in every human being that society needs to be put into specific boxes. The ideals of the hippies that lived during the time of free love that the whole world is one nation is a bullshit ideal and will never be realized.

Ooops I did it again.

Till next time my Niggas!

Mei jua daima kuwa kabla yenu, na vivuli nyuma yako!

From Hero to Zero. The sad demise of Lance Armstrong.

Salamu

My Niggas!

We are now well and truly into the new year and by all accounts, if 2013 ends the way it has started, some people are going to be spending the year looking over their shoulders.

Armstrong at the height of his powers

I know it’s probably a bit late to talk about this now, but the year really didn’t start well for a certain Mr Lance Armstrong. Seems like he wasn’t happy just living with the labels of being one of the biggest liars and drug cheats of all time. He had to go and do a ‘tell all’ interview with the queen of talk Oprah Whinfrey.

I say it is a ‘tell all’ interview because although Armstrong admitted to doping, there was much more that he could have spoken about and revealed to expose what has now become one of the dirtiest sports in the world. Even Whinfrey later said that she was disappointed in the interview and expected Armstrong to reveal more than he actually did.

But this is my question…how much did Whinfrey pay Armstrong to do the interview. The man is already being crucified by the public and the media, why then come out and compound the pain? No man will willingly come out and make his name shit? You see without a confession, he may be guilty…but the measure of his guilt will still be up for debate.

So Armstrong got paid; but is that such a surprise? Um...no! So why did he not tell all to Whinfrey? Why did he hold back?

There are two options, either Whinfrey didn’t pay him enough. Or, Armstrong is setting himself up nicely to push hard on a book where he really goes to town and reveals every dirty secret.

He is being either very clever or very stupid. I think it’s the latter as he will never be allowed to get on a bike ever again. Not even to ride with his kids in the park.

The most disappointing part about this whole story is the fact that Armstrong was seen as a role model and an inspiration to the world coming back from testicular cancer to win the Tour De France seven times in a row.

Armstrong facing the wolves. How the mighty have fallen.

This begs another question. If Armstrong didn’t have the Live Strong campaign and if Armstrong didn’t use every Tour victory to say what a fighter he was and how he is fortunate to have beaten the cancer…would there be such an outcry? Well lets out it this way, Armstrong was not the first to dope during the Tour. Before him there was Floyd Landis and after Armstrong there was Alberto Contador. Yes there was a lot of publicity around these guys, but not to the extent of Armstrong. Some may say that the fact that Armstrong won the tour seven times in a row contributed to the crusade against him, and I agree that it probably had a major role to play. But one can’t ignore how much of effect the whole hero façade had to play as well.

As a Christian I am expected to forgive Armstrong, and I do. To me cycling is the most boring sport in the world anyway. But not everyone will share my view, and it is the liar factor that will promote this. Because a lot of kids, teenagers and other impressionable people looked up to him as a role model.

Till next time my Niggas!

Mei jua daima kuwa kabla yenu, na vivuli nyuma yako!

Loving Someone Completely. A hard feeling to describe.

Salamu

My Niggas!

If 2012 has taught me anything, it has taught me that when a window closes, a door opens.

I can truly look back at the year and say that I have experienced one of the biggest life changing events of my life…Falling in love with the girl of my dreams.

A lot of people have asked me what it is like being in love. How do you know you are in love? That question is both very easy and very difficult to answer.

It’s very easy in the sense that when you talk to the person you think you love and your knees go weak and you all of a sudden lose all train of thought. You are in love my friend.

But it’s difficult in the sense that you go through a lot of changes when you fall in love. Changes you never thought would be possible. The thing is you don’t realize that you are going through these changes until someone points them out to you.

I tell you solemnly. To open your heart to someone is the greatest gift you can ever give. And when they open their heart to you in turn you have reached perfection. If you had asked me earlier in the year if I would be feeling the way I do now. I would have laughed at you.

But now every waking minute spent with my girlfriend is a blessing. Loving her is an honor. Hearing her voice, which is sweeter than anything I have heard and will ever hear in my life, brightens my day. Knowing she loves me warms my heart. Feeling her in my presence is as if time is suspended and there is no days hours ands seconds there are just moments spent with her and moments spent without her.

I like the way her hair falls around her face. It formes the perfect frame of a picture of beauty the like of which I had never seen before and most likely will never see again. The frame draws attention to her amazing eyes. Eyes that sparkles like the richest purest diamonds; Yet all of the riches in the world cannot compare with looking into those eyes and knowing that no matter if the whole world is against you, one person cares for you.

The sound of her voice settles my soul. It whispers…like the wind blowing over the grassy plains. An inner peace that lets you know that no matter what challenges you face, that voice will bring you home.

I could talk about her touch and her kiss, but if you don’t love the persons soul you are doing an injustice to three important people. The first is God because he made more than just a body, the body is merely the outer personification of a richness that is the purest, most understanding, greatest and rarest beauty on earth. The second person is the object of your affection and the third is yourself.

What can I say about her soul then? A loving heart that knows no bounds, that’s full of inspiration. It lets you know how special you are; a treasure to the nation. Her soul is like that treasure chest, its riches unknown. For all of the gold and silver in the world can never compare with being cared for by her.

At the time of writing this originally, we were both so overcome by emotion that we did not know what to make of these feelings. But we know now that these feelings was love taking its foothold into our hearts. Telling us we will be beginning a journey of a lifetime that will change our lives forever.

How do you know when you love somebody? Well when you are prepared to do almost anything for them, then you know that you love somebody.

And all you want to say is three words: I LOVE YOU. (even if the first time you say it is over google chat)

And all you want to hear is four words: AND I LOVE YOU.

Till next time my Niggas!

What Does the End of the World Mean?

Salamu

My Niggas!

I am talking to you from what is supposed to be a post Mayan Apocalyptic Hell…and as predicted. Nothing happened. The world didn’t end. There were no energy pulses which realigned our polar magnitation (whatever the hell that is). The world is still turning. We have overcome!

But overcome what? In the lead up to today I have been doing a lot of reading up about the Mayans and their 2012 prediction. And it turns out that they actually predicted the end of an era and a new awakening of consciousness. Hollywood constructed the whole world ending in 2012 storyline.

But again…if the “Mayan Apocalypse” is supposed to be ushering in a new awakening of consciousness…and awakening of what?

Some nutcase that works with me in the office asked me if I watched the TV last night (which I didn’t as I was engrossed in catching up on some series on my laptop), he said that mass media was slamming every form of formalized religion known to man and the world will become one faith…the faith of humanity.

Excuse me? In order for that to happen you will have to stop the Palestinians from trying to wipe Israel off the face of the earth. You will have to convince India and Pakistan to share a spot in this so called “Shared Heaven” and you will have to convince the Muslims so share a spot in this so called “Shared Heaven” with the “Infidel Americans”.

These things have been happening since the dawn of time and major efforts (that have all failed) have been made to stop these things from happening. I fail to see how a civilization that has been dead for thousands of years are going to achieve this from beyond the grave.

If anything, the new awakening of consciousness that the Mayans have ushered in would be turning back to religion. There are for to many people in the world who don’t have a faith. And who believe in nothing. Although, like my girlfriend, I believe that Catholicism is the one true faith, I am tolerant of other religions and do see merit in some of the teachings of these religions. But these ‘evolutionists’, you know the people that say we evolved from monkeys, must piss off. Because if you can’t see the beauty in perfection and appreciate that only God can create an object of such beauty, then you need religion.

Till next time my Niggas!

Mei jua daima kuwa kabla yenu, na vivuli nyuma yako!

My Next Being 30 Experiance: Facing The End Of The World!

Salamu

My Niggas!

I bid you greetings for the final time in 2012.

It has been a big year for me, a year of a lot of change, one of the biggest changes will be discussed later in the post when I describe what it has been like falling in love with the most beautiful girl in the world and the changes that both of our lives have gone through since we have met.

This topic actually does connect in some arbitrary way to my first topic.

Those of us not living under a rock will know that this is the last week of the world’s existence. Yes people…the Mayans have blown the final whistle on existence. According to them December 21 (Friday) is the day we meet our maker.

Quite personally I don’t believe in this bullshit for a number of reasons.

Firstly…if they could predict the end of the world, could they not have seen the arrival of the Spaniards in the 1500’s which all but wiped out their existence from the face of the earth?

Secondly…I’m a devout catholic and believe firmly in the teaching that no one but God knows the time and date for the end of the world. And this is not to tease us. This is to make us live each day as if it were our last day on earth in order to prepare us for the day which will come like the thief in the night. Apart from Forgiveness and Loving Freely, this to me is the corner stone of the Catholic Faith. To live a good Christian life everyday as if it were your last on earth.

Repent and your sins will be forgiven before the rapture.
Nigga Please

Thirdly… there were a lot of people who wrongly predicted the end of the world and have been left looking like a bunch of fools. And rightly so. Some idiots predicted the world was going to end on May 5 2000 because all of the planets were in perfect alignment and who can forget Y2K?  But one of the funniest predictions in my opinion had to be the prediction by a bunch of ‘happy clappie’ Christians who saw it fit to put up billboards saying that the world was going to end on May 21 2011. And guess what….I’m still here more than a year later.

But I am being very cynical, because in a sense a small part of my world did end in 2012. The world of me being lonely and worrying about wanting more from life.

It amazes me how when you open your heart to beauty and let a hint or suggestion of it come in, it can make a serious foothold in your heart and change you forever. I was going through one of my stages of thinking if this is all that life has to offer when a friend of mine suggested I talk to her friend. I did so and little did I know it would take us both on a journey of a lifetime. A life changing journey.

But how does this relate to my first topic? Well when you love someone with all your heart the way I do, your life changes completely.

You end up counting the seconds of joy in your life as opposed to counting down the hours until the end of the work day. You end up smiling at any little thing as opposed to scowling at the beggar just asking you for a chance at a better life. You learn to laugh like a child, which is never a bad thing because there is nothing more innocent and pure than a childs laugh. But most of all you learn to say I Love You instead of looking for ways to hurt people.

My girlfriends life has changed too. She has told me on a number of occasions that she finally has a man in her life who loves her the way she deserves to be loved and appreciated her beauty. She has also learned to put up with a lot of crap because I am admittedly not the easiest person in the world to get along with at times. But this to is also because she has learned to say I Love You once again.

Love brothers and sisters is one of the most pure things in the world. And it is an emotion all need to feel at least once in their lives.

The picture below was taken on my first date with my angel. And do you want to know why there is no way of the world ending on Friday? Because there is no way God will only give me one moment of beauty and perfection. I have a whole lifetime ahead of me to look forward to that.

Till next time my Niggas!

Mei jua daima kuwa kabla yenu, na vivuli nyuma yako!

The most perfect evening of my life.
With the most beautiful girl in the world