My first great movie list

When I was at school, my English teacher always used to tell us to write about what we know.

I suppose this is why I became a journalist in the first place. I have an extensive general knowledge which covers a range of the weirdest topics such as naming most of the capital cities of the world, to knowing who sang 90% of the James Bond Theme songs, to ancient history such as the 10 year battle for Troy or the rise of the Zulu Nation under Shaka Zulu.

I also know a thing or two about writing, I wont say that I was the worst sportsman in the world believe me I was more then adequate, but my true talents were always writing and a bit of singing.

Anyway, we digress. When I began my post about our friend Mel Gibson this morning it was originally going to be a post about some of my favorite movies in some of the catagories I enjoy. but because I am on a crusade to make people look beyond the mask that people portray in music and films, the post turned out how it turned out.


So now, I will discuss a few of my favorite movies of all times in their specific genres.

Historical Epics
I got hooked on this when I was a child watching the miniseries Shaka Zulu. Because there were no real historical epics for a long time I cant recall anything of any significance.

Then Gladiator came along, and I was hooked. Russel Crowe gave a rousing performance as Maximus. whenever I hit a bit of a wobbly in my personal life I watch this show and it sorts my shit out.

And unlike all of my other favorites I cant pinpoint what it is about this movie that draws me in emotionally. Perhaps it is the fact that you really sympathise with the man. He endures all of these hardships and then when he gets the opportunity to stand before his tormentor he gets taunted even further buy him.

Also I feel the performance of Connie Nielsen in this movie was outstanding. She is surrounded by serious Male Hollywood heavyweights and she more then holds her own.

She summed up the whole two and a half hours of the movie with just one statement at the end:

"Is Rome worth one good mans life? He believed it once, make us believe it again. He was a soldier of Rome. Honor him."

Other notable epics include Troy and The Kingdom of Heaven.

Westerns
I love western movies. Besides the Crusades, if I could have been born in a different era, I would want to live in the Wild West.

My favorite here is Wyatt Earp. The long ass one with Kevin Costner. Apart form Gene Hackman, who played his father, there are no stand out Hollywood heavyweights in the movie, but it is close to an accurate portrayal of the Gunfight at O.K. Corral and the Earp Vendetta Ride.

Early on in the movie, Hackman makes a statement which is not only true for the movie but for life in general:

"Remember, nothing counts so much as family, everyone else is just strangers"

The cinematography in the movie was reminiscent of that in Dances with Wolves, which won Costner an Oscar. You get so lost in the expansive scenes that you could loose track of some of the loopholes in the story, but all in all it was a good effort.

Other notable Westerns include: The 2009 version of 3:10 to Yuma, the 1993 version of Tombstone, True Grit, Unforgiven and Open Range.

Comedy
At times I can be a barrel of laughs to be around. So it comes as no surprise that I enjoy a good comedy.

My top favorite has to be Life. It stars Eddie Murphy and Martin Lawrence as wrongly convicted murderers who get sentences to life in a State Pen in Mississippi.

With this one its just the ridiculous situations that the two find themselves in that make this movie a classic. It reminds me alot of myself and my best friend.

Other notable movies in this category include: Beverly Hills Cop, A Vampire in Brooklyn, and Grown Ups.

The story of Mel

Greetings and Salutations.

Holy Week is fast approaching which means that the Lion of Lebanon will be spending more time in the church in one week then most people do in their lifetime.

Because I am a devout Maronite Catholic, I was asked to be on my church's youth committee, we arrange a number of events for the youth ranging from social activities to missionary activities to spiritual activities.

Tonight we are showing Mel Gibson's masterpiece: The Passion of the Christ in the hope that those attending will gain a better insight into the true meaning of holy week.

Personally I am a fan of the movie, although very gruesome and graphical, it is the most realistic depiction of what Christ went through leading to his death. the movie also explores other themes which are important such as Truth and the meaning behind it.

As stated before I am a movie buff and am a fan of Gibson the director and actor (and not of the man). Although good his movies are gaining the reputation of being frightfully historically inaccurate.

His first venture into directing was Braveheart, which he also stared in the lead role. I don't think there is a human being alive who has not seen the movie or is not aware thereof, so I wont be giving a brief description.

However, during the actual Scottish Wars of Independence, the Scots won a significant battle at: The Battle of Stirling Bridge. Where the actual William Wallace and his army engaged the English on the narrow bridge which nullified their vastly superior numbers. Wallace and his army held the bridge the whole day by fighting conservatively and suffering few casualties. In Braveheart this battle is just dubbed: The Battle of Stirling and does not involve a bridge. The tactics used during this movie battle were tactics similar to those which the actual Scots used in the later Battle of Bannokburn.

After this he had a long hiatus as a director while he concentrated on his acting career. In fact his next movie, The Passion of the Christ, came some nine years after Braveheart in 2005.

He used the four gospels written about the life of Jesus very accurately and of the three films he directed, this is the one with the least historical inaccuracies. However, there is one mistake which can be identified.

The movie starts with Jesus, played by Jim Caviezel, praying in the Garden of Gethsemane on the night of his betrayal and handing over to the Jews. In the movie, while praying, Jesus is tempted by Satan. None of the actual gospels make reference to this.

Granted, this could have possibly been the case, but when you only have gospels as a historical reference point, then you will be critiscised for being historically inaccurate if you deviate there from.

His final directorial movie, to date, was Apocalypto. The movie is set in Mesoamerica at the height of the Incan and Mayan empires. A troop of Incan's invade a village on the border of the Mexican rain forest, kill almost everyone in the village and take a number of captives back to their homeland. A warrior escapes, makes a run for the border while being pursued by his captors. He kills all but tow of them and gets home in time to save his wife and two kids.

The movie makes alot of references to human sacrifice and the bloodthirsty nature of the Mexican Indians. Although there is sufficient proof that human sacrifice did exist at the time, there is still no documented evidence that the Mayans themselves participated in such rituals.

For many these historical inaccuracies are unacceptable and many refuse to watch these movies because of it. But because of the aims of the movie, which is to get asses in seats, one has to exercise some measure of creative license in order to make the movie appealing to the public. If one takes: The Lord of the Rings into account. If Peter Jackson stuck to the book 100% the three movies would have been well over five hours long.

After the Passion of the Christ, Mel lost his damn mind. He make very anti semetic remarks when a Jewish police officer pulled him over for a DUI charge. He also got very very drunk one night and phoned up his now ex-lover Oksana Grigorieva and had a full go at her over the phone using quite possibly the most unacceptable language alive even by my standards, and I swear like an Irishman at the best of times.

Follow the link below to have a listen at the full conversation.

http://www.worstpreviews.com/headline.php?id=18288&count=0

To end off, my feelings towards Mel are exactly the same as towards Michael Jackson and Freddie Mercury. I don't agree, or support, what the man does in his personal life. But give the mans acting and directorial abilities the respect and credit they deserve.


Footnotes:

-In David Gemmells Tory Trilogy, he makes reference to a battle involving the Bridge of Pathia where one of his antagonists Argurios holds the bridge for the greater part of the day against vastly superior numbers. This bears similar reference to the actual Battle of Stirling Bridge.
- Peter Jackson holds the record for one of the longest movies ever made. His adaptation of King Kong is a cool 3 and a half hours long. Indecently the longest movie ever made is Gettysburg which is over four hours long.

Flaunting the Dollar

Marhaba to the Lions Den Massive.

For those of us that work hard for our money every month only to find that we struggle to save any amount of money that we possibly can or just to make ends meet, there is nothing that grates our balls more then someone who is rich as fuck flaunting off that he is in the financial position to use $100 bills as shush paper.

Fortunately we don't have to many examples of this in South Africa, and just as well too when you take the Libyan and Egyptian situations into consideration.

When I lived in Dubai, the main road to some of the better shopping centres and establishments of fine dinning took you down Jumeirah Beach Road. which as the name suggests is a main road just off the Sheikh Zayed Road which runs next to the sea. On this road we have the palaces of the crown prince of Dubai, and his family. When you drive past it you are greeted by ten foot high walls with the house a kilometre in from the road so that one cant see the actual house. Occasionally, when one goes to the top of the Burj Al Arab, one can see the houses that are the size of small shopping centres. They have their own dock where yachts can berth near the house, and the tenants on the properties move around it on golf carts.

Again, the Burj Al Arab is one of those places that was built by the rich to say fuck you to the poor. It was the worlds first seven star hotel, the cheapest room in the hotel is a cool US$1 000 per night while the Royal Suite will set you back US$28 000 per night.

We then go to India, where the country's second richest man, who happens to be number 8 on the worlds richest human list, Mukesh Ambani has just build himself an expensive ass yacht which he is going to weigh anchor just outside of Mumbai as a beacon of fuck you to the poor people.

The ship was built at a cost of 20-million Euros. It has a floor area of 3400-m2
with accommodation for 12 passengers and 20 crew members.

The ship has three decks, a 25-m pool, a spa, a heli-pad, a 100-m² sauna, gym and massage room, a promenade of 130-m², a music room, a dining room, a cinema, sun decks, suites, terraces and a lounge. Luxury at the ultimate level.

All of this while there are billions of starving Indians in the country.

Now I am not saying that the rich cant enjoy their money. By all means, if you have it…spend it. But sometimes to flaunt your riches like this will breed animosity.

Inside Ambani's Yacht

Lottery Dreams

Good day to the Lions Den Massive.

I have never been one for beer. I prefer hard liquor, and the creativeness thereof.

Many people have a job in an ideal word that is vastly different from the job that they currently have. On the rare occasion some people have the opportunity to follow this ideal.

Unfortunately, at the moment, I am not in any position to do this.

However, one can dream, for a man with no dreams is merely a ship praying for good winds to bare him to port. This is however a post for another day.

Have you ever wondered what you would make of your life if you had to win the lottery?

If I had to win a significant lottery Id be both responsible and brash.

Depending of the amount of the lottery I won, I would do the responsible thing. Buy a house, cash of course, a car, cash of course, take out the normal investments like a high interest fixed deposit or dabble in the stock markets where mining shares would be the order of the day.

I’d then move to the coast and open a beach bar. I’d call it Trench Town Rock.

Reggae Music would be the order of the day during the sunlight hours while generous servings of house music and dance music will be the order of the day during the twilight hours.

Attire: Casual, shorts, t-shirts, sandals and even bathing costumes would be encouraged.

Speedos however would be banned and anyone caught wearing one would be taken to the open ground outside the front entrance and have their nipples removed with a wire coathanger.

Ladies would be able to attend in Bikini’s, in fact it too would be encouraged. However, only bikini tops would be allowed, those wearing bikini’s would have to have some form of garment covering their bottom’s. This would only be a requirement to protect the integrity of the establishment and to try and limit the rumours that it is a house of ill repute.

Of course, there would be hubbly, hubbly, hubbly and then more hubbly on offer.

Creative cocktails will be on offer. Along with the classical mojitos, sex on the beach, long island ice teas, pina colada and daiquiris.

I have always been a strong advocate for creativity in drinks. Below are some of my own creations which would grace Trench Town Rock.

Shalafain Cocktails

Moscow Mauler

Double Shot Vodka

Single Shot Mothers Aftershock

Ginger Ale

Jons Passion Power

Double Shot Malibu

Three Shots Passion Fruit Cordial

Sprite

Jamaican Rudeboy

Double Shot Malibu

Single Shot Mothers Aftershock

Three Shots Passion Fruit Cordial

Sprite

Line rim of glass with Sugar

Cuban Crusader

Double Shot Bacardi

Single Shot Bitters

Sprite

Generous Cuts of Lime Wedges

Line rim of glass with Sugar

Swedish Stinger

Double Shot Nordic Ice Lime

Half Shot Stroh Rum

Sprite

Tango Tingler

Double Shot Cane

Single Shot Blue Curacao

Soda Water

Generous Cuts of Lime Wedges

I am currently working on my shooter range which is even more creative then above.

Let me know what you think. Should you have any more to add, please feel free. The said cocktail will be named after you should I ever have the opportunity to open Trench Town Rock.

The masks we wear in sociaty

As a morally sound human being, well most of the time morally sound, I feel it is my calling…nay…my duty to impart some of the knowledge which I have gained through living life on others so that others might learn from my extensive knowledge and experiences.

Often when I try to explain this to Tracy and Eleanor who work with me they give me a very sceptical look and say: yeah right Jonathan!...or… Whatever Jonathan!

I get this more from Tracy lately as she is a very feisty girl (a very good quality to have which drives men’s hormones mad!), and also I helped out Eleanor a lot with sorting out some confusion that she was having so she appreciates my wisdom (I hope).

Anyway this is not what my post is centered on today.

I am an avid reader, and in between loosing myself in my extensive collection of the works of David Gemmell I enjoy reading biographical books and historical books.

My latest project is: No Woman No Cry…My life with Bob Marley. Which was written by Marley's wife Rita Marley and Hettie Jones.

In between the awesome insight into life in impoverished Jamaica in the decades spanning the 1960s 70s and 80s, the reader gets an inside look into the Rastafarian movement and the life of one of the most iconic musicians to have ever graced the world stage.

One thing that strikes you the most is that the private life of Bob was nothing like the persona that he portrayed on stage. This is normal as usually people wear different masks in different situations.

Although Bob married Rita at 19 and they had five kids together, Bob was a major womaniser and had another four kids with other relationships outside that of his relationship with Rita. And he never even tried to hide these relationships from Rita. When Bob was having a fling with his last girlfriend before his death Rita asked him what he saw in the girl and Bobs reply was: No man can hav nuf woman!

I am also an avid movie fan. Here, I do not limit myself to genre’s, I am a very easy person to please as I will watch basically anything.

One of my favorite movies of all time is Walk the Line. Before watching this movie I had a very vague idea of who Johnny Cash was, but I had very limited knowledge of his life story or his music.

What I thought of Johnny Cash before watching the movie was that he was a clean cut guy who was one of the most iconic singers in Country Western music. And like Marley, I thought he was a man beyond reproach. But how he survived the drugs that he took no one knows.

When he was young his brother tragically died in a workshop accident. Cash was severely affected by this and grew up to have a bit of a dark side to him. When going to the studio to record his first album he dressed in a black pants, black shirt, and black jacket. Walking out the door his wife at the time suggested that he changed because it looked like he was going to a funeral. His reply to her was: Maybe I am!

Like I said when I was compiling my bucket list, I do not condone doing drugs or playing the field. But touring can put significant stains on relationships and families, and when you don’t have that strong support base close to you, you loose your way.

It was not until Rita Marley started touring with Bob that he stopped his womanising, and it wasn’t until June Carter agreed to marry Cash that he stopped taking his hallucinogenic’s.

The point of this post is that not everything is as it seems. Society puts these people up on pedestals because much is expected from them, but the truth behind the masks that these people wear in public is often shocking.

There is a saying in life that behind every strong man there is a strong woman. And nothing could be truer then with Marley and Cash.

In her book, Rita said that Bob was always a giving person and always looked after his kids generously. “The other babies mothers never had to physically ask Bob for money. He always made sure he provided, and when Bob provides he provides generously,” writes Marley.

Eventually, at Rita’s request, all of Bobs children from his extramarital affairs were moved into the same house as Bob’s kids with Rita. And Rita was a mom to all of them forming strong bonds with all of Bob’s kids.

How many other women do you know, or can point out, will do this? Like most other women, she could resent these kids and refuse to associate with them. But, for the sake of her love for Bob, she loved the other kids as her own.

In Walk the Line, when Cash was heavy on the pills, his first wife deserted him and it was June Carter who nursed him back to health. Standing by him, making sure he was clean.

Again, many women would have left him for dead saying that it is his wife’s job to get him clean. But for the sake of their friendship, they were not romantically involved at the time, Carter stood by him and helped a friend.

Only in Africa

Although I missed Africa a lot when I lived in Dubai, you do get used to a few pleasantries which are freely available to the rest of the world, which you wont find in Africa.

Even Leonardo Di Caprio famously proclaimed in Blood Diamond: TIA mate, This Is Africa.

So I will be discussing a number of the Africanisms that you wont find anywhere else in the world.

Public Humiliation Encouragement

A public debate to change the name of the biggest Airport in the country. Back in the day the airport in Johannesburg was called Jan Smuts International airport, which was named after one of the architects of Apartheid, Jan Smuts. Shortly after Nelson Mandela came into power in 1994 the ANC changed the name of the airport to Johannesburg International Airport because of what the ANC described as a new law which prevents airports being named after politicians. Three months after this the ANC changed the name of the airport again this time to OR Thambo International Airport. Oliver Thambo as we all know was one of the foremost leaders of the struggle against apartheid.

Now I am sorry, if you want to change the name of the airport from one political leader to another, why not just do it. Why drag your name through the mud before doing this?

Shifting the Blame from Pillar to Post

As most of us are aware, 2010 was the first time that Africa had the opportunity to host the FIFA World Cup when South Africa did a commendable job of it all.

That was until the second semi final in Durban between Spain and Germany where the kick off of the match was at 8 pm but some of the fans only landed in Durban at 11 pm to watch the last five minutes of the match.

And this was not because they missed their flights, this was because of the insane volumes of traffic on the runways at King Shaka International Airport.

The airport is run by Airports Company South Africa who are solely responsible for the maintenance and organisation of its runways. But on the night of the semi final there were apparently some jets of VIPs blocking a few of the parking bays at the airport and ACSA officials refused to move them because: “EEEEEEHHHHH you cant jist ask VIPz to move de plane!”

People were standing in cues to sue ACSA, to appease the situation ACSA spokesperson Solomon Mogale came on the radio the morning after the match at 7 am and reported that legally, the individuals have no recourse to sue ACSA because technically they were not at fault as a plane took off and landed, therefore a flight was made.

I am assuming that this excuse was not good enough because Mogale came on the radio again at 10 am saying that if there people really want to sue someone, then they should sue the owners of the private jets, because they are the ones who didn’t want to move.

I’m sorry, once again we have a case of stupid bastards in high positions making thick comments that shows their lack of education! If you, as Acsa, that RUN and MANAGE the King Shaka International Airport are having problems with a few screaming bitches who refuse to move their jets MOVE THE JETS FOR THEM! IT IS YOUR PROPERTY!

By making excuses like the excuses above you are portraying every South African in a bad light because the Brits and the Yaks will now think that the whole of SA thinks like bladdy Solomon Mogale!

The Case of the Magic Spot Fine

Having a hubbly at a mates house last night, the subject of speeding came up. Now a few of my friends have very high powered cars which daddy bought them. These cars are extremely capable of doing well over 200 kms without any real effort. Needless to say that because of this, a few of my mates are what you can call COW BOYS.

So one of these so called COW BOYS was travelling down a road which has a 80 km/h speed limit at 160 km/h. Of course the Askria is going to pull him over and the COW BOY gives the cop the biggest bullshit story in the world and he gets let off. Another COW BOY then suggested that the first should have asked the cop if a spot fine was applicable. This ‘Spot Fine’ would not have been more then R200 and would have never made an appearance in the Metro Police’s Traffic Violation Fund.

New Forms of Transportation

With the petrol price edging ever closer to R10/l consumers are vehemently looking for new forms of transport which will be easy on the pocket.

One of the best places to find this is in the auto trader. New or Used, it is a comprehensive guide to find a new form of transport. And with the new increases in mind, only in Africa will you find adverts such as this for new forms of transport.

What’s in a Name?

You have got to love the way African people name their children. Often, children will be named after specific events which are being played out in the lives of the parents at the time of the birth.

If the family is happy with the birth then the child is named Rejoice, if the child is good looking at birth it will be named Pretty, if Eskom are load shedding then the child will be named Darkness.

But a lot of the Africans with the more priceless names are the “Kwere Kwere” or illegal aliens. Africa must be the only place in the world where you can do your monthly grocery shopping as well as shopping for a ID Book and Passport at the same place. And this is where the real lottery comes in, because you never actually meet the person who makes these documents, you only deal with a middle man. And if you are not happy with the name given to you, then you have to fork out more cash, so 90% of the time the name given to you sticks. Shame!

I’m sure there are many more examples that people can give me. So why not supply them in the comment section below.

Facts of life

This might be one of the more serious posts on this blog people. So please be prepared.

I have done a lot of growing up during my hiatus from this blog. A lot may ask: But how does a man of 28 grow up? Shouldn’t you be all grown up already. But humans dont come preassembled in their adult form, I think that we never really stop growing up.

I mentioned previously on this blog that I was in love with a beautiful woman. Well I was, and unfortunately a little stitch in the fabric of our relationship came loose and everything around us just unravelled.

I was in a very bad place emotionally, I was severely depressed, on medication and seeing a psychologist to sort my life out. A lot of people have told me not to ever talk about this. Never let the people know what you went through, its not right.

But I never was and never will be ashamed of who I was or am. I am an open person, I am willing to discuss my life and the events therein if it benefits others. I am not ashamed to say that I was at times very suicidal, but through prayer and guidance from elders in the Church, I worked through it stronger then before.

It was more of an emotional development then anything else.

Now I find myself in a position where I am a shrink myself, although I don’t have the degree.

Many of the people at work come to me with their problems. I sit, listen and then give the best advise possible. A lot of the time people are shocked and asked me how I could be so understanding. “What did you expect me to say?” Id ask. “Well, I thought you would take sides and favour one side of the situation over the other.”

One of the things that really got to me during my break up with my girlfriend was when people used to run her down. And in hindsight, these people were my friends and were just looking out for my own best interests. But I failed to see what gave my friends the right to run a person down when they don’t know this person or the essence of what makes them a person. Even today, you can say what you want about me, you can insult ME. But don’t insult my family or have a bad word to say about my ex-girlfriend. You are then going into very dangerous territory hunting a beast you are not equipped to kill.

A very good friend of mine is currently having a few issues with her boyfriend over what can only be described by an outsider as bull shit. However it is often the smaller things that damage a relationship as opposed to the big things.

She confided in me and told me that things have never been the same after their issues and the loving interaction is not there. She is even considering a ‘break’ from their relationship.

Personally I don’t believe in ‘breaks.’ You are either in a relationship or you are not. No grey area should exist. Because in a ‘break’ situation you should be afforded a certain degree of freedom which you would not normally receive in a relationship, which you are still in.

Consider this: You are on a ‘break’ and your mates send you an invite to go to a strip club. You go because screw her, she wanted the break. You go there and one things leads to another, you have a few drinks to many, you end up at a bar/club, you get a girl to go home with you, you do the dirty, and then sober up.

Is all of this ok? Technically yes…you were on a break with your girl. Is it wrong? Technically yes because there are still vested feelings involved in a somewhat mess of what is still your relationship.It hasn't officially ended remember!

There is not a woman on this earth who would not leave their boyfriend for good if this happened.

Granted this is the worst case scenario. Best case is your friends invite you out and you spend the night getting drunk and chatting up girls.

But in the best and worst case scenario, the end result is the same.

I found this out the hard way: No matter how much a person loves you, no matter how far developed your relationship is, no matter how much he/she tells you they want to spend their lives with you and you are the one. None of this matters because the aggrieved person will drop you like a bad habit with scant regard for you or your feelings!

At the end of the day, very few relationships can survive these types of ‘breaks’. Look and asses the events that led up to this ‘break’ if you can talk and work through it, do so. If you cant then break up, because if you cant talk through it now, you wont be able to three or four months down the line.